


Silk and Steel

by wickedsinflower



Series: Children of Spira [1]
Category: Final Fantasy X
Genre: Canon Era, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-cultural, Cultural Differences, Exploration, F/M, Female Friendship, Feminist Themes, Heavy Conversations, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Worldbuilding, conversations about taboo subjects, with some minor differences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-01-25 18:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 53,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21360880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedsinflower/pseuds/wickedsinflower
Summary: Rikku is confronted with the differences between her and her travelling companions- where wet silk is secreted, not celebrated. But their steel is sharpened by the connections they weave. Written as an exploration of power and taboo with Rikku at the helm.Mostly one sided Aurikku, TidusxYuna, vague LuluxWakka. Rated M for sexual themes and violent content, because that’s one way to determine maturity.
Relationships: Auron/Rikku (Final Fantasy X & X-2), Lulu/Wakka (Final Fantasy X & X-2), Tidus/Yuna (Final Fantasy X & X-2)
Series: Children of Spira [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539910
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	1. Silk Wrapped Steel

**Author's Note:**

> AN: This story was written to contain many of the taboo’s and imbalanced power dynamics that I so often see in fanfiction tropes. They’re conversations that I feel need to be said between people prior to anything being romanticized.
> 
> This particular story is not about sexual content, it is meant to be taken as a stand-alone critique and thesis on taboo's and as such does not contain sexually explicit content, (Rikku's sexual resolution ((if that's what you're looking for...))) but that will be posted (on AO3) later.
> 
> I don't let 'art speak for itself' because that's how you get Fight Club: I am trying to challenge the establishment and turn what we perceive and interpret as hierarchy on it's head. I do not condone inappropriate "relationships" that are lopsided in power- I do not promote or condone "relationships" that are non-consensual as in: one person is unable to give full consent, barred as they are from understanding of consequence or from complete freedom (emotional, financial, physical, sexual in no particular order). I do not, however, see an issue with two consenting adults participating in a healthy relationship with one another. 
> 
> In our real world(!) we rarely- if EVER, in any real ethical circumstance- see this! However, I (as a functioning member of a society) must constantly challenge what it is to be an adult, what it means to have power and what it means to love and live. This story was my challenge, my conversation opener.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s said that when silk is wet, it bends steel. Rikku has tested this and has determined that if combined properly, silk reinforces steel.

A tingle curled up from the deepest part of Rikku’s belly and tangled into her limbs. Heat washed over her. The soft voltaic wave lit her face in a pink that she could feel even as the brisk wind from Mount Gagazet blew over the Calm Lands. She inattentively watched the battle, seeing more movement than meaning before rolling back in the grass.

Rikku huffed, chastising herself- Yunie was so close to Zanarkand and she hadn’t even thought of anything to save her! This distraction was ruining all her good thinking time. She covered her face, reasoning that maybe if she couldn’t  _ see,  _ it would stop her from being crazy. 

The chocobos behind her pecked at invisible worms in the ground, content. 

She made herself more comfortable by turning on her side, confident she wouldn’t be called to help fight the chimera duo. But her legs pressing together was a pleasant pressure. Her thick jean shorts were firm against the part of her body that drove her quickening. 

Rikku recognized this roil and fever. She fought the daydream half heartedly, but sinking into another chimaera altogether was inevitable.

“Rikku,” Aurons voice cut into her mental scene, rough, quick and quiet. 

“Ah!” Rikku jumped into her battle crouch. 

“We’re to go to the Inn on foot.” Auron said, broaching the hill where she was posted. He was always the first to walk away from a battle and the first to press on.

“Oh, already?” Rikku fumbled for the chocobo leads, dismissing the possibility that Auron  _ knew _ he had been a part of her escape just as she thought of it.

She was pretty superfluous after the initial thievery she performed, so it had been up to her to keep the chocobos calm and tethered. Her personal favorite, bright yellow Beau, squirreled joyously when he realised he would get to run around again. 

Rikku grinned and peeped a “Yeah!” as she distributed the harnesses. She handed Beau’s lead to Tidus who had an arm around a pale looking Yuna. 

Yuna reassuringly bent her lips up at Rikku a thin sheen of sweat glistened on her upper lip and under her fringe.  Rikku kept smiling for her cousin, but it felt brittle. Yuna was overworking herself, training to build up stamina. She was also determined to open that mysterious,  _ unpickable _ chest.  Rikku had tried to bust that chest wide open. She even beat it up a little bit. No dice.

Rikku, who had failed opening a lock for the first time in her life as a thief, felt like doom had been cast on her. Her elbows on the top of the chest, hands together, knees splayed out, hugging the thing like wrapping herself around it and begging nicely would be the magic word, she wailed for a hint. She pleaded with the creepy old man who lived in the Arena.

The Arena coffin-dodger called her girly, and said he might have something powerful for their party if they filled up a few of his chambers to the max. 

Rikku felt like she had squeezed a clue from a stone. She took a wildly desperate though educated guess they needed to capture ten fiends in the Calm Lands to get a key, and presented her idea as The Solution to her dear cousin. 

So, Yuna was convinced that by doing more capturing for the old man in the Arena, she’d get her key for the chest. Rikku was happy because that meant they’d have more time to do things that Yunie wanted to do, while Rikku had more time to think of another Solution. Meanwhile, Rikku hoped, maybe Yuna would change her mind and get on board with a _ fiend  _ eradication program instead of Sin eradication trap.

Tidus helped Yuna onto Beau and Wakka bodily lifted Lulu on the chocobo with a white downy underside, whom was recently dubbed Chu-ju. 

Lulu was looking pristine, as always, Rikku thought with admiration, but once again noted her dress could be cumbersome. Even though it was- well, something that Rikku would like to imagine herself in one day. Maybe not on a Chocobo.

Kimahri hesitated as Tidus and Wakka mounted Beau and Chu-ju respectively. 

There weren't enough chocobos to go around since Tidus had been the only one training the wild ones. Their heathen-y guardian gang had only yesterday acquired a third, after Tidus’ had struggled through the third tier paces the trainer put him through. 

Kimahri was heavy enough to need his own, and Auron didn’t like riding Chocobos. Rikku was fast enough to move first if anything ambushed them out of the dry grass, and she hadn’t exactly been on the front lines. Thus, the resultant situation. 

A night ago, it was up to her  _ and  _ Kimahri to walk Auron from camp to travel agency. This evening, Rikku was feeling a little apprehensive about the trip, and it wasn’t the possible encounters with fiends. Rikku rubbed her cheek with a nubby fingernail.

Auron tilted his head towards the chocobo train, meeting Kimahri’s eye. “Go with Yuna.” 

The Ronso briefly blinked his yellow eyes at Rikku, who punched a thumbs up. 

“Ya Kimahri! Let’s see that smile, huh?” 

Kimahri shook his head and said, “Sir Auron not back by night, Kimahri come out.”

He swiftly leapt upon the chocobo and readied his spear, quickly joining the others already bounds ahead.

They were fortunate it wasn’t the rainy season, Auron had said when Tidus complained about visibility in the low-lands. The grass grows taller than Rikku in some places, Kimahri had added.

Now though, the grass tickled her knees just above her boots and Rikku sort of wished for the better cover. Her heart was beating quickly, and she was trying to take her attention to task. She had a great plan about avoiding any fuel for the small little lick of fire batting in her- focus on the fiends and blow ‘em to smithereens!

Behind her right, Auron spoke, “You mentioned training.”

“Yeah!” Rikku was pleased he had remembered. She wanted to learn it all- although she had taken to copying some of the more specialised moves the rest of the group did in the heat of battle, she hadn’t  _ practiced  _ anything. Didn’t know what she was doing, really. She didn’t have the time. Customisation and tinkering took up a lot of her rest hours, there was only so much you could safely stuff and weld into a shield on the move. But she knew she needed to be better.

“Whatcha gunna teach me, Legendary Guardian stuff?”

Auron snorted, an  _ almost  _ laugh, she thought. He said, “No.”

“Aww,” she hung her arms and swung around to show him how dejected she was, but spun right back around. She put her fists to her head, rallying herself, ‘Fiends to smithereens and  _ no looking’. _

Auron stated, “Your accuracy is bad. While you’re fast, you don’t have any strength.” 

It only stung because she knew it was true. She thought, still, he didn’t have to say things like that- didn’t he learn? “He-y, I have strengths other than my muscles I hope you know!” Rikku chanced a glare back at the real muscle of the group.

“I do know. Without you, we would have died in the desert.” 

It was a mistake to look back. She caught him peering over his sunglasses, being serious and steady  _ at _ her. It threw her into a whirligig and she kept her face turned away so he couldn't spot her blush.

Auron started to say something but she wasn’t listening to him-- a whirr had taken her attention. 

“Shh!” She waved her hand at him, spotting the machina patroller dipping into a skirmish with a skoll. The patroller stabbed out. The lupine gave a fiendish hiss that rattled like a growl.

She opened her inventory at her thigh pocket as a neibros descended. Just a drone from the hive, but interested in fiend meat and violence.

“Rikku,” Auron started. 

She and Tidus had the best working inventory besides maybe Auron. Once Auron had found out what she could use the bits and fragments she salvaged from fiends for, he had since frowned on using their stock for petty training and repeated encounters. 

“Lights out!” Rikku called before she lobbed the grenade, not even bothering to look. It was instinct at this point. Surprise was crucial, Rikku felt, and she knew the pair of them didn’t have any other way to reliably deal damage. She was also determined not to  _ take  _ too much damage.

Auron had come up beside her. She knew his blade was drawn and his arm was out of his haori, but she glued her eyeballs to the skoll. A cloud of darkness seeped out of its glowing eyes, and she had to tell herself it was a good thing the smoke bomb worked. It would move first, it’s back coiling to twist to them, ears trying to localise where they stood. It's lolling tongue tasted the air.

The machina turned from the blind bobbing nebiros and skoll, sensing a greater threat. 

Auron commanded, “Hit it,” a light bite of irritation in his voice. 

“Which one?” They were all going to be super fast and dodgy, she assessed. Well, except for the machina- that wasn’t in it’s programming. It was tough though, and she didn’t want to clang her claw against the metal.

“I’ll stand guard. Try.”

Rikku scoffed in her head because she didn’t have time to scoff at Auron with the full force of the scoff she felt. No way was she going to let the machina stab Auron to ribbony bits while she jumped and flailed at the fiends. He did that way too much, and it made her sick. Plus, she was betting he was betting on  _ just  _ making it to the travel agency before she would  _ have _ to use a potion on him.

She darted ahead and rushed the machina. Feeling the hot breath of the skoll at her back, she dodged out of the way, sliding herself under the bowing mechanical legs and nicking the cord that powered the central operating system.

Auron, true to his word, had been already there, slamming himself against the gnashing teeth and stinking fur. She hadn’t been in any danger, the thing was blinded, and she was quick. She had already yanked the power pack out of the machina’s back and it was sputtering it’s final circuit sparks as she stood over it. 

Auron, again, “Hit it.” 

She went low and readied her glove, tensing her claw, “Same old, same old huh?” She was talking to the skoll, bullying herself into focus. 

Stealing from fiends was more about willpower than finesse, but she’d bite her finger bloody at her Pops before admitting that. She twirled around the side of the blinded skoll. She had a reputation to keep afterall, she told herself sternly, as she punched her claw  _ into  _ the skolls head from the back, pinching, searching for that awful screaming gap between hatred and pyreflies with her gloved hand. 

It was a trick she had been trying to come to terms with. She wanted the fiends to  _ hurt _ . Hurt after what they had done to her Home. The balance between slipping through and ripping to get at what the fiends had was hard. It tasted like bitter smoke, but she managed. 

The skoll snarled as she latched onto its core, a chilling punishment of sleep and horrible dreams, and grabbed a fistfull of fine powder. She twisted her claw so it tore out of the skoll.

She rolled back as Auron slammed his bracer into the path of the darting wasp. It probably would have missed her, she thought petulantly, popping up by Aurons side. 

“That wasn’t hitting it.” Auron grunted.

“Yeah-Yeah,” She was quickly prepping the powder, pouring it into a small pouch ready for puncture. It all happened faster than a flash, years of practice. She slipped it into her inventory. 

“I hit it!” She was shrill as she leapt for the nebiros, yanking on it’s leg as it’s wings buzzed in her face. “C’mere you!” She tried swiping it’s hard caracapeice. 

“Rikku!  _ Attack _ it. Stop trying to steal.” She heard the skoll make contact with Auron. Even blind the thing was having a great time clawing up Aurons arm, but she knew the poison needed to go. Bites and claws only did so much damage. Poison could be fatal.

She sunk in her claw, and dragged it down, aiming to shear off the poison barb.

It flew up, straining with her weight, and she dropped before it got too high, swiping for the deadly needle. She missed. 

“Aww!” She was disappointed that Aurons earlier remarks had been on the money, and she ran back to where he was facing off the skoll, glowing eyes warping the air around its face. It’s grey muscles, hideously prominent, bunched as it readied another leap, but the overgrown wasp was soaring in to take revenge on her. She turned, and Auron slammed into the skoll as she whizzed a grenade at the nebiros before it could spear her. 

“What happened to training?” Auron said wryly, looking a little worn out. She forgot he had been taking hits against the chimera’s for the group before this.

She shook her head to watch the skoll as the nebiros fell twitching to the ground, hearing the pyreflies escaping the dead drone. She knew he didn’t like her to rely on items, but she was the item  _ ace _ ! 

The skoll seemed pleased. She recoiled as it’s prehensile mouth flexed hungrily. It’s tongue writhed with the same sort of strange air bending quality that it’s eyes and ominous skull rune. It was no longer blind.

It raced forward, feinting towards Auron before digging it’s claws down and turning mid-second. Rikku hadn’t had time to realise what it meant, but Auron pivoted and its jaw slammed into his forearm. 

Rikku saw Auron grunt, his bicep tense as the tongue lashed around his forearm and the maw closed over the bracer. Teeth and tongue bound Auron to an unnatural sleep before the skoll released him. Rikku found herself swiping at the lupine nightmare, shooting out from under the sinking arm of her comrade. It gave a rattling hiss and leapt away, circling her. Auron was slouched forward, eyes unfocused, heavy sword still in his grip. She thought Auron, even dead, would keep his sword in his cold, stubborn fingers.

He would probably be more upset she used a remedy, or a precious Al Bhed potion (it was a kit but no one listened to her) on him (after using two items already!) instead of letting him sleep through his ‘guard duty’.

She swung her claw back and forth, running forward and trying to weave as the skoll had done. It was her first attempt, and the skoll was clever, so it dodged and mirrored her lunge. It bruised her through her targe. She swung at it and nicked the veiny, grey flesh, but it capered back out of reach. Frustrated, she sped up and pushed her legs, and punched, using her whole body. It gave a startled yelp as she swiped through it and it had a second of post-mortem reflex as the skoll flung itself off her blades. 

She sighed, watching the pyreflies wriggle free of the carcass, and was satisfied albeit winded. Smug smile lingering she turned back to Auron. 

He was still kneeling. Hand on his hilt, blade awkwardly in the earth.

Rikku crouched by him, looking at his face. His eyes were still open, though they had the twitchy quality of a person in the throes of a nightmare. 

“Dream powder tends to do that,” she said, conversationally, like just talking to him normally might wake him, or ease the nightmares. 

She crunched into herself, wrapping her arms over her legs as she pushed her lips together. She was giddy from the victory, battle strength pumping through her, making her feel potent and powerful. She liked how comfortable she was in battle, how thrilling it was to have her prowess match even Aurons. The rush was sweet, and covered any unpleasant feelings from the mugging she had done. Besides, she had barely gotten a scratch on her.

She looked at Auron, guilty. The blood still pricking and oozing from the skoll’s attacks made his thewy tan arm look coppery. His tricep bracii spasmed and she put her hand over them reflexively. 

“One potion and you wouldn’t kill me, would ya?” Rikku reached her fingers into her pouch, the hum and textured air already helping her find what she needed. Using the inventory was like putting your hand out the hatch of a speeder, it had a certain pressure to it when it was full. The fuller it was, the stronger the pressure. 

A small glass-green potion, no bigger than the soul of her palm, appeared as soon as she searched for it. She pressed her thumb on the delicate casing and it spattered. The potion dribbled over his arm, sinking into the gashes whole viscous rivulets ran upward to shoulder wounds.  Blood still dewed on his arm hairs but at least he would feel a little better when he woke up.

She put her chin in her hands and looked at Auron past his collar. His eyebrows, the angle of his nose, the curve of his cheekbones. She got paranoid and turned to peer over the grasses and around the rocky protrusions. Sensing nothing, she turned back, biting her lip as she simultaneously realised she wanted to look  _ more  _ but probably should stick to her original plan of  _ not looking. _

But he was asleep, at least for a couple more seconds, and she couldn’t usually see his face, let alone examine him when he was this... 

She studied his face as she tried to remember the word. A huff and a grunt startled her and she flustered, circling her arms as she bounced up. 

She spun around on her heels like a good soldier. She was taut with the anticipation of being discovered, giddy enough from victory and now indulgence.

She shivered, and it wasn’t the cool breeze on her warm body. Tightening her jaw she rallied herself, this would be the death of her if she couldn’t focus on things that would  _ actually  _ potentially kill her!

She glanced back at Auron who still kneeled. Powder sleep didn’t usually last this long, but maybe it was an  _ dfecd juilran [ _ twist voucher 1. _ ] _ \- an advantage behind a disadvantage. Yunie may call it a blessing from Yevon in disguise, but Rikku had decided way before she learned that phrase Yevon only handed out curses. She’d had an idea, looking at the spare parts that glinted in the sunlight. Sleepyhead may give her some time to salvage things without any awkward questions. She skipped over to the machina parts and found some casings which she measured with her pinky and bent thumb. 

She was excited. She’d maybe need another of the same type, but good thing the Calm Lands were littered with outdated patroller machina. 

She derided the silly idea of releasing the machina patrollers into the Calm Land as she worked, unscrewing bolts and popping open panels. Dummies forgot that the patrollers would see everything as a threat if they weren’t calibrated every so often!

She laughed to herself.  _ This _ dummy had already told everyone that the only useful part of these were the power packs for grenades! She distractedly explored the machina, wires clipped and frayed, gears pocketed and tossed, but she quickly located the small chip of electro-marble she needed.

“Rikku,”

Rikku yelped and jumped up from the mess of cords, the chip hidden behind her back in her glove.  “Oh Auron! You’re...awake! Have a nice nap?” 

“No.” 

“Oh well- eheheh, you didn’t seem too keen on me using items so I figured-” 

“We must rest tonight regardless, so the delay was unimportant.” Auron was inscrutable again. 

She peered at him and wondered if he was upset. 

“I hit the skoll.” She said. She surreptitiously slipped her supplies in her inventory, as he turned to shoulder his sword and tuck in his arm. 

He turned to her, “Good.”

She huffed, pleased despite his tone, and tried not to be obvious about sneaking another peek at his back and shoulders. “Well it doesn’t sound like good.” 

“It sounded the same to me.” He deadpanned.

“What?” 

“I used the sound ‘good’ to convey that it was, actually, good. These sounds, put together mean the same as I last understood them to mean, I assume. Unless I was asleep too long? Words sound different?” 

Rikku dropped her mouth open and ran up, grabbing his sleeved shoulder, “Are you making a joke!? Hey, are you joking or are you really this petty!?” 

Auron looked down at her, “Both.” 

Rikku stood and gaped for a bit and then laughed, running up by him, “You’re more than a troublemaker, you’re difficult on purpose.” Rikku found herself bubbling up with admiration and a sort of twist your shirt hem kind of pleasure.

“We should try to find a shred.” Auron said.

Rikku beamed, trying to smother down her stomach that was doing the jumps for joy she wanted to do. Auron asked her to recount how she had finally landed a hit and she obliged, regaling him. 

* * *

Sunset in the Calm Lands was a pastel affair. Kimahri stood like a dark blue paint smudge just outside of the Travel Agency. 

“Learning how to take damage is important.” Auron sounded tired, but Rikku still felt springy despite her sore arms. She hated that he was banged up on her behalf, but once she had started packing her punch properly and landing some hits, he had stopped shielding her. She was harder for the fiends to hit than him, anyway. 

“Yeah, I know. But only if I gotta.”

Auron grunted, “Tidus would have been better.” 

She shook her head, knowing he didn’t mean that Tidus would have been a better fighter- he meant teacher. He had been relatively positive about her performance for the few encounters they had, she reasoned.  She put her finger up to her chin pausing in their stride.  She couldn’t tell him she wanted Tidus to spend as much time as he could with Yunie. Somehow, she didn’t think that Auron would care about that. 

And Chocobos- Tidus had to train those, too! She had told him, after a particularly angry flame flan rushed them, that he was a big ol’ stubborn shoopuf if he couldn’t see that it would waste less time overall if Tidus ‘wasted time’ training the ‘birds’. And probably, she had to admit, a bit toasty from more than her  _ puto dymg _ [body talk 2.], a bit safer. 

Auron actually came to a stop ahead of her and turned. His coat flared around him and he lifted his hand above his armored girdle lazily, as if to say, ‘Who’s the slow-poke now?’

Rikku wanted more of Auron training her, too. At this point it was blatant denial if she didn’t come to terms with her crush. She may have conflicted feelings all bundled up about him but she could at least start with being honest with herself. She sped up, running past him, trying to hide her selfishness. 

“Kimahri!” She said, not even panting from her sprint. Rikku didn’t hug him- even though at this point she was pretty sure he’d let her

She had made him a grass decoration when they were all chocobo-less. He had let her thread them into his wing pauldrons so that it looked like sunlight radiated behind him in stiff, grass woven sunbeams. He had taken it off when they got to the agency saying, “Kimahri already too big for hallway,” though he kept a bit of woven grass on his armband.

After the Malboro they struggled to capture gave her cause to use a precious phoenix down on Kimarhi, she intended to make an armlet for him, determined to use the woven pattern. It all could have been avoided if she had known what they were going to be up against.

Kimarhi looked down at her, and she knew only from travelling with him for many weeks that his lion face wasn’t completely stoic, but she couldn’t put her finger on the alien expression.

Rikku jumped up, almost as high as Kimahri was tall, “Dinner on?” 

He gestured to the open door behind the merchants table, all packed up for the night. Yellow light from the hall blurred with the sunset cast and the blue light of the travellers sphere.

Rikku went down the steps and through the narrow hall. The travel agency was mostly underground. Safe from the heat of the late summer and warm from the night’s chill. She swooped down on the dinner table, swinging into a seat near Yunie.

“Heya!” Rikku greeted everyone.

“Have a good training session?” Lulu asked, voice pleasant as she served Wakka vegetables on his pile of mash. 

Rikku glanced at her, ready to chirrup a ‘yes’ but there was something shrewd in her gaze. A twinkle maybe, behind her fringe?

“Are you hurt?” Yuna asked. 

Rikku grabbed a roll of bread, a bit nervous under the black mage’s knowing look, “Nope! Auron is - a bit.” 

“He’ll use the sphere for sure.” Tidus said, assuaging Yuna before she could get up to tend to Auron. 

Kimahri bent his head in and said, “Sir Auron stand with blade. Will come in. Do not wait.”

They retired to their rooms after dinner, and Rikku began to set out the items from the day. She usually did the sorting, examining everything with an expert eye- she was just faster at it. After her daily chores were finished and the small prepwork done, she went about trying to piece together armor combinations. She knew she didn’t really have enough materials for what she wanted, so she became distracted and tried to busy herself with a project she _ had _ all the supplies for. 

She worked away, washing and purifying the metal she scavenged. Taking out her tiny welding tools, she pulled up her goggles from where they lay at her neck. Feeling her eyes adjust to the blistering light, she didn’t break focus on the delicate machinery, and Yuna and Lulu’s nightly ablutions faded. 

* * *

She woke to Yuna gently shaking her. 

“Rikku,” 

“Ngh,”

“Rikku, we’re going through items now before we leave for the arena. What’s this?” 

Yuna held out a small ring. Finely welded to it was a pinky long, smooth, pill shaped metal attachment. 

Lulu hovered behind Yuna, her lipstick already on. 

Rikku, still bleary-eyed, faintly registered what her cousin was holding. She sat up as she realised the implication of the question.

“Uh-” Rikku rubbed her eyes and covered her face, wondering if Yunie was looking at her with disapproval, or if Lulu would laugh at her. If Yuna’s reaction to a  _ kiss _ was anything to judge by, she felt very differently about this subject she once referred to as ‘inappropriate’.

“It’s a ring- did you make it for me? Should I wear it, or are we selling it?” Her voice was sweet. 

Rikku stuttered. “It’s not...for battle, Yunie.” 

Yuna’s soft brown hair brushed her jaw as she turned her head up a little, then looked to the ring.

“Eh hehehheh,” Rikku scrambled, kicking herself for not hiding it and avoiding this whole thing. Wait, she recollected _ ,  _ she _ had  _ put it away- what- “Oh,” the items were dumped on the floor, spread out and organized. 

“You seemed tired.” Lulu said, by way of explanation. 

“I’m sorry.” Yuna said quickly, sensing Rikku’s discomfort and upset.

“No, no it’s okay. It’s just- I made it for me.” Rikku’s voice was a little high, sheepish. She didn’t want Yuna to think she wasn’t giving her full attention to the pilgrimage! She had a duty to perform! She just… needed a bit of help focusing. 

Seeing the ring in her cousins hand, Rikku only secretly thanked all the luck in the world that she hadn’t felt like taking it into the washroom last night. Her shoulders had been stiff and her eyes tired. She had curled up in a blanket and gone right to sleep.

“Oh- what is it?” Yuna asked, handing over the ring. 

“Welllll-” Rikku trailed off plucking it out of her summoner’s palm.

There was a knock at the door, then Tidus’ voice, “Hey are you guys ready? Auron’s already out front. He’s waiting for Rikku.” 

Lulu looked to the items on the ground, “If we’re not selling it, I doubt we  _ need  _ to know. Are these alright to sell?” She pointed to the pile. 

Rikku tossed off warm covers and crouched on the floor, quickly re-arranging some things. “Just a minute! Tell him we’ll be there- hold his chocobo’s why don’t he.”

Lulu said, amused, as Rikku ripped through her stock, “But I am curious.” 

Rikku paused. Lulu was almost married once, Rikku thought to herself, regardless of how stuffy ol’ Yevon priests were, that had to mean something. She also, in her own way, wanted Lulu to understand. Lulu was kind to her, but she felt the distance between her and Lulu keenly especially watching the older woman tend to her cousin like a sister.

“It’s for pleasure.” Rikku stated boldly, as if being direct would cover up any misgivings she had about how it may be taken. 

Yuna was still obviously confused.

Lulu’s eyes flickered, “Do you mean,” Lulu started. 

Rikku prickled at Lulu’s trepidation.

“It’s really pretty Rikku, you’re a good designer. You can wear whatever you’d like.” Yuna said, as if she was more confused at Rikku’s reaction than what the ring was.

“Uh- well, I won’t be wearing it out, if you know what I mean.” Rikku said.

Yuna didn’t. Lulu’s mouth pursed with a wicked curve and she slightly raised a brow. 

“It’s for- you know.” Rikku said, desperately hoping that she wouldn’t have to tell her cousin something that would embarrass her, like how she had embarrassed her in Macalania. 

Tidus had been taking a bit more time to get back to camp than usual, and Yunie was going to go and find him before Rikku snagged her sleeve and told her he would probably be a little busy and didn’t need her around mucking it all back  _ up _ .

Yunie had been confused then, too. When Rikku ‘reminded’ her, like doi, you just had an amazing make out session, he probably just has to cool down, for his, ya know, and made a gesture, Yunie had said, “Oh, oh my!” a bunch of times and avoided looking at her and Tidus for, like, ever.

She didn’t want a repeat of that fiasco. 

“I could use it to speed up the... process of having a good release... in case I get too- you know.” Rikku said, begging her to understand, hinting with gestures.

Lulu’s eyes widened, then blinked. Yuna began to look a little slack jawed.

“It’s just I am having some pretty heated thoughts and feelings and thought maybe I could let it out... a bit.” Rikku tried to mollify them.

Yuna whispered, “ _ What-?”  _ She started, trying to stabilize. “That’s not-  _ Rikku.”  _ The admonishment was palpable.

She hadn’t been ashamed in Home, Bikanel, not even when she was travelling on the ship, or other places with her kinfolk, but here she was. She felt her face flush. Hot shame oozed up over her skin. She threw on her shorts over her undies like the fiends were at the door. She pulled on her socks she had left to air out, still not looking at Yuna who was making small, worried sounds. 

Stuffing her feet into the boots, she hopped through the door, a sort of hysterical, “Better get started on the journey-okay, yeah!”

She was running away, but she didn’t know how to stay and fight this one.

She ran outside, into the bright morning light. She grabbed her Al Bhed blonde hair in her hands and shook her head vigorously, trying to clear out the sense of sick. T heir reaction wasn’t right- wasn’t normal, was only Yevonite stuff, she reassured herself. 

She had lied to Wakka, she did have something against Yevon. Yevon was the one making Yunie go kill herself on the altar of sacrifice for sacrifice’s sake! Yevon was the one making it weird and bad for people to feel a little good even through all the bad! It wasn’t Sinful, it wasn’t! 

Tidus came up to her, play boxing, “Yeah, keep thinking Rikku! You got it!” He was under the impression that they were thinking of a plan to save Yuna. Rikku saw his white teeth flashing, tanned chest all muscle-y, all smiles and cheer and dopey charm.

“Shut up! This is your fault!” She pointed at him royally.

He was handsome, Yunie knew it, too! And he once confided to her that he thought Yunie was different than all those  _ other girls _ he had kissed in Zanarkand- so why hadn’t he shown her that kissing and loving and the  _ temydyhd vaamc _ [dilatant feels 3.] were fine, normal,  _ good?  _

Tidus reeled back from her, mouth in an o, “Wait- what?” He looked hurt, his bright blue eyes watery in the morning light.  For another thing, she fumed, why couldn’t her little attraction to him have been big enough to save her from her other (guilt wracked)  _ feelings? _ (No, she’d just feel bad drooling over Yunie’s crush.)

“No-no!” She grabbed his shoulders earnestly, trying to stop him from hurting. “You gotta kiss her again!” Rikku said, the crazed idea of showing Yuna what she was missing taking root. 

“What?” 

“Kiss her real good, ya hear?” Rikku tried to growl but it wasn’t very good, and Kimahri was suddenly there beside her. 

In a gravelly voice, closer to a growl than Rikku had ever been able to pull off, “Rikku sell. Then go.” Kimahri tried to refocus the two blondes. 

“No Kimahri!” Rikku grabbed Tidus’ yellow jacket, looking up at her ronso buddy, “This is important!”  She shook Tidus. 

He tried to pry her fingers off of him, exclaiming, “Hey-heyhey!”

She continued, nearly shouting, “And Lulu’s way better at holding on to money  _ and _ they went through my stuff to sell  _ anyway,  _ and  _ we’re  _ plotting!” 

Kimahri’s ears flattened back. 

Tidus asked, “Plotting what?” 

Rikku dragged him away from Kimahri, towards the roped off edge and said, “I told you, you gotta  _ kiss _ her  _ real  _ good.” 

Tidus faintly blushing, stuttered, “Did-did she say something about the- you know, kiss in Macalania?” He rubbed the back of his head- he felt bad about kissing her while she was crying but that was all he could think to do. Once she kissed him back, effervescent desire had met the cold prism of fear and fragile joy. Looking back, he wasn’t as bold as he’d wanted to be, and had confided in Rikku about his hope and doubts.

“No! Not after that night- what have you been  _ doing _ ? Slackin’ off? You gotta make her-” Rikku waved her arms, losing her clarity outside her native tongue. “You know!”

“Plotting is usually quieter.” Auron said from beyond the ropes, re-holstering his weapon on his shoulder. 

Rikku yelped, “Hey! No sneaking up on us!” 

“You just weren’t paying attention.” Auron said. 

Tidus started running in place, “Uhh, gotta go!” Tidus ran off towards the merchants table, joining Wakka. Wakka stood, arms crossed, one foot off the ground as he leaned forward over where Lulu was haggling now- a weaponised blitzball on the table in front of the Al Bhed shopkeep.

Rikku crossed her arms, blowing air out her cheeks. Was this what Gippal meant when he derisively talked about Yevonites being prudes? Tidus wasn’t even a Yevonite! He was from Zanarkand, didn’t people used to have a bit more freedom there?

“What’s this about the boy... slacking off?” 

“None of your business?” Rikku tried. 

“That doesn’t sound very convincing.” Auron seemed to be amused.

She whipped her head and shook her finger at him, Al Bhed popping out of her mouth, “Oui...trouble maker-!  _ Pameaja fryd oui fyhd _ . [Believe what you want.]” 

“You’re with me today.” Auron said, like she hadn’t just told him off. 

Her ribcage felt like it had been tickled. He was watching her closely over his sunglasses, his usual stoic expression painted with something she couldn’t quite read. “There’s a shred by the boulders just south of here. We can start walking before they have finished. Tidus will still need to collect the chocobos.” 

Rikku fiddled with a Devastator she had been able to sharpen up real good. Did that mean- “After this? You’re gunna be okay with him training more chocobos- or are we going to Gagazet next?” 

Auron gave a gallic shrug. 

Rikku felt a secretive sort of joy that she wasn’t sure she was hiding properly, and burst out of the agencies rope line, her targe activated and claw at the ready. 


	2. Forge and Weave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rikku knows how to smelt ore ‘til it’s pure and singular- but silk is another matter. What is the tensile strength of one strand or a thousand, raw or spun, woven or sewn?

Auron yanked his sword out of the chimera, and Rikku wobbled to her feet. She palmed a silence grenade seeing the snake tail whip around. Rikku pulled the pin, and threw, “Get outta here!” 

She reached for an Al Bhed healing kit, but Auron grunted, turning into the chimera’s claw, “Damage  _ first _ !”

“Raaaugh! What is wrong with you?” Rikku said, darting under Aurons swing and slicing at the chimera’s belly, digging in for a gem that flashed between it’s flesh. Damage first, yeah, but she wasn’t going to waste a good opportunity. The bulls head slammed into Auron’s chest, and he exhaled pain. Stabbing the chimera one handed, he slid his feet and braced. He gripped the horn with his ungloved hand, stopping it just before it gored Rikku. 

Rikku’s heart was beating fast- if they both got the farplane knocked into them, there’d be no one to brush the phoenix feather on their face or scare off the chimera. She’d be a Rikku sandwich- everything in her was screaming to get the healing kit out, but Auron was a _mad-crazy_ monk and a glutton for damage. 

Auron heaved and the chimera’s heads swerved back. “ ** _Now_ ** -” Auron pulled the sword out of the fiends bulging shoulder, and pyreflies wept out of the wound. 

It was near death but, Rikku ran in, swiping at it, hers were teeny slices. It called fire to it’s fist, Auron stepped forward, it punched the meteoric flame at him, he went down.

Rikku, swallowing panic, leapt at it, punching furiously at it’s heads as it clawed at her, searing it’s talons over her thigh. Her arm hurt with the force she put behind cracking through its eagle skull. 

It shuddered, and staggered backwards. She threw herself off it, landing near Auron. 

She grabbed his shoulders, rolling him over. Auron was already coming to, but she picked a hi-potion from her inventory and slapped it on his chest. 

Auron let out, "Ooph,” 

“Ooph? OOPH? That’s all you can say?” She had thought Auron had a problem with restraint, restraint stretched at his seams, but now she was thinking he just might be even crazier than Pops. “Your ribs are  _ cracked _ ,” she said, shrill. 

“Hmm.” 

“What is the matter with you- we almost died!” Rikku burst another hi-potion in her hand.

The jelly of the potion thinned as it spread over the numbness of her arm and crept up her throat. It pricked feeling back into her arm where the lightning the chimera had cast struck her, but eased burn in her throat from the water it had called to suffocate them both.

“No,” Auron grunted, sliding his leg and rising up, “You knew. You just had to follow through.” 

Rikku's panic subsided, and anger rose now that she was feeling stronger and apparently burdened with the gift of Aurons trust.

“You put us at risk! You put Yunie at risk!” She slapped another hi-potion at his chest plate armor.

His shoulders twitched. “It was not a risk.” 

Rikku didn’t have to try to growl this time, “ _ Rynt raytat pmuuto Yevonite suhg - drana'c paddan fyoc uv dnyehehk baubma! _ ” [Hard headed bloody [Yevonite 4.] monk- there's better ways of training people.]

Auron slid his arm back into his woven silk sleeve, stiff with drying blood, and adjusted it so he could hang his arm. He may have said something, but Rikku poked his chest again, and he grabbed her hand. 

“Hey!” She said, upset he was fast enough to catch her.

Auron narrowed his eyebrows and pinched his eye, the russet visible as he stared at her, “Rikku, you would not have learned the role any other way.” 

Rikku then remembered that this was the same man who looked a Maester holding a rifle to his head in the eye, who drew a sword against  _ Tidus _ to prevent him from sullying Kimahri’s (averted) sacrifice.

She wished the battle rush lasted longer, and was strong enough to overpower this hope that he was going to look at her like this, like he saw  _ into _ her, and the wish that he wouldn’t. 

She let out a bolstered and shaky ‘ha’, and took her hand back from his rough grip, shuddering.

“You’ve learned what you’ve asked me to teach you.” Auron said, as if it closed the argument.

Maybe it did, but she still wanted to be upset about it, so spitefully she said, “I don’t know how useful it’s going to be.” 

Auron raised one eyebrow and picked up his sword, placing it over his shoulder on his pauldron, “You’ll figure out when you need to switch roles. It may not be what you’re ever suited for- but … you understand. The rest you can practice as it comes.” 

He turned and continued walking. 

She shook her fists at him, upset that he didn’t seem to care that he made her upset! She stewed as she ran past him. The next fiends were smithereens.

* * *

They were camping just inside the crevasse before the Arena’s cave entrance. A battered Auron and Rikku were the last ones there. 

Tidus was already half shouting the Arena man wasn’t helping them open the chest.

Rikku felt her arms were like jellyfish wings. She was too tired and sore to have much energy accidentally diverted to non-fiend slaying feelings, angry or otherwise. She plopped on the ground, sinking her bloody knuckles into the Traveller’s Sphere in the Area’s door, and let its cool, soothing energy melt over her. 

Yuna and Tidus were both frustrated that the chest still wouldn’t open, not even after collecting ten fiends.

“I’m sorry everyone. I feel that I should open this chest and…” Yuna’s words faded, but Rikku knew what she meant. She didn’t think she was going to come back after they started on the path to Gagazet, and she already had said that it felt too powerful to leave behind.

“Hey you! Why’s this chest not opening, huh? We’re plenty strong- we caught ten whole Chimera’s- what gives?” Rikku demanded, careful to avoid stepping directly on the animated stone threshold. She moved to stand in front of the man, chin tilted so she could look down at him, bent over and unable to do his own work.

Tidus prompted Yuna to move away from the chest so Rikku could continue the fight for her. 

The old man smiled like a coerl, all secrets and nasty thoughts, “Are you ready to fight my newest creation?"

Rikku did not like that the fiends were ‘created’, and so  _ fast-  _ were the pyrefly souls teleported? Did he just squeeze them out of the weapons like some primordial plasma? What was he doing? There didn’t need to be  _ worse fiends! _

“Or are you just going to stand there and whinge?” The old man met her glare, crossing his arms as Auron came up to stare at him balefully. 

Rikku was very tired, and tired made her grumpy, and so she stomped her foot at him and tossed up her hands. “You- you big meanie head! You know something!” 

She thought mean thoughts at him, cursing him for even having a secret way of capturing fiends! She had begged Lulu and Tidus to only buy one of the weapons so she could possibly replicate them. 

The self proclaimed ‘old’ man, had just sat there, smirking like he would smirk over her when she was  _ trying  _ to figure out the chest, while she tried to disassemble the bindings and examine the runes and material components. She couldn’t figure out the tech on the weapons. It looked like ancient, high-synth components - definitely a fuse of magic- grafted onto poorly made weapons.

He just watched her, little toad smile on his face. 

She scowled at him, then stuck her tongue out. She left Auron to exchange low words with the old man. She went to sit by Yuna and Lulu, just beyond the outcropping, out of sight, from the animated Dragon threshold. 

“I don’t like him,” Rikku said into Yuna’s tensed shoulder, giving her a hug to show that she too, was frustrated. Yuna slowly placed a hand on Rikku’s.

“Ya, not too sure I like him either,” Wakka said, his hands spread out like, ‘whaddya gunna do?’ 

Lulu’s countenance, watching Yuna and Rikku with cool interest, warmed at Wakka’s comment, “I suppose living near fiends and being out here, just to train Crusaders and Summoners, takes a bit of social grace out of a person.” 

Though he was faced away, standing guard over the crevasse opening, Kimarhi's ear was turned towards the conversation. His watch would see the end of day shadows claw out over the plains and the first dark but Kimahri’s tail waved sharply.

“Ah Kimarhi doesn’t like him either.” Tidus said, coming to the ring of campfire light with Auron.

Auron said, “We don’t have to like him, just use him. Don’t offend him too much,” He looked at Rikku directly. 

Rikku let go of Yuna so she could cross her arms and turn her nose up at him. The old man was being the offensive one- Rikku thought in a fit of pique.

Yuna placed her hands together and looked at Rikku with concern, but Tidus said, “Looks like we still have a ways to go to figure this chest out, Yuna.” 

“We don’t have any time to waste,” 

Rikku was overcome with hate for Auron, reviling him for what he said- just push, push, push, push Yunie off Gagazet right onto the altar of Zanarkand. 

She flung herself back, groaning, “UGH- Yunie already said it’s super important for her to get whatever is  _ in  _ the chest  _ out _ .” She didn’t feel like she needed to say the unmentionable- that if it was on  _ Yunies  _ bucket list, then it was  _ going to be _ crossed  _ off _ .

Yuna, uncomfortable, reached out a hand, but she didn’t make it to Rikku. Yuna pressed her hands between her knees, looking back Auron. 

Auron crouched by the fire tending to it as Lulu cooked, “Let me clarify- we need more information, so that we do not waste time like we just did by capturing ten of the same fiend.”

Rikku pinked, glad that the dying light and her sprawl on the ground hid her face from view. She was sure she had wyrmed her way into a hint from the old man about a real good reward.

“I think that there’s something to capturing the fiends.” Tidus said, defending Rikku, but added, “But maybe that summoner woman, Belgemine, can help, Yuna?” Tidus inquired gently. 

“Where’d she go though? She just kinda disappeared- like always.” Wakka added, unhappy that there was yet another thing he didn’t know how to handle.

“Perhaps it would be easier to search for her place of residence on chocobo.” Lulu said.

Rikku rolled to hear better. 

“I’ve heard of a temple in the Calm Lands, from Father Zuke when he last visited. He theorised that it was impossible to get to... if one did not have a chocobo.” Lulu clarified, swiping wild roots into the supper pot.

Aurons face in the firelight was in high relief, and the slight pinch in his eyes and skin were noticeable. 

Rikku wanted to shout at him like her Pops had possessed her- ‘rawr, tell us what you know or you’re over the side of the ship!’ Rikku propped herself back up, but the shakes and bone heavy exhaustion had set in, so she was too slow.

“I think Lady Belgemine mentioned being able to find her in Remiem temple.” Yuna added, softly but earnestly. 

“I can see if there are any more wild chocobos that can use training!” Tidus added.

“Man, my butts gunna be sore from ridin’ those birds around, eh?” Wakka said, putting his elbows on his knees.

Yuna had been looking for Remiem Temple, but there really wasn’t any directions, and The Legendary Guardian himself certainly had only one destination in mind- so he wouldn’t have volunteered information that strayed from Zanarkand, even if he had known the location.

Yuna had done well in all the aeon battles, so she maybe didn’t need to go and get more special summoner training from Belgemine, but it was a matter of pride for her. Rikku smiled, genuinely happy to see Yunie so excited about something. 

Even if it was about getting better with aeons. Rikku’s smile dropped, and her eyes went to the fire, stomach grumbling as the humble soup took on a thick texture. She glanced up, feeling eyes on her. Lulu watched her carefully above the simmer and steam. 

Rikku scrubbed the frown off her face and asked, “When’s dins ready? Also, I got this treasure map- and I think it’d be helpful to get gillions!” 

“Man- we never can take her to Luca. We’d lose her at the gambling halls quick.” Wakka said.

“I’ve been to a gambling hall. Yeah- a casino.’” Rikku said, remembering. 

“You... have been to a casino?” Yuna asked, with trepidation in her voice.

Rikku, stinging at her tone for a reason she didn’t have the energy to examine, said, “Yeah Yunie, I’ve been to a casino-” but gambling was frowned upon, too, just like everything else fun, she thought. She was disappointed, and said with more bitterness than she thought she had, “I didn’t get to play much though.” 

“Oh I-” Yuna started. 

“She was only asking.” Lulu said, her temper heating her tone. 

Rikku shrugged her shoulders and drew herself back in, recoiling from Lulu. It seems she had done something again to mess things up. She stood up, “I’ll go relieve Kimahri’s watch- let me know when dinner’s done.” 

* * *

Auron had taken Rikku’s watch, letting her eat dinner.

She had eaten her soup, careful not to slurp it down too fast because she had learned her lesson, and had been lulled into sleep by the warmth of a fire and full belly before she could clean her bowl.

Rikku was sharply brought back by Yuna’s gentle hand. 

“Oh hey Yunie, is it my turn for watch?” She blinked hard and yawned, stretching.

“We set up a pallet for the bed over there. You’d be warmer.” Yuna said, her hands in her lap.

“Oh, okay,” Rikku was a little confused even after the first few seconds of sleep fog cleared and she remembered Auron took her shift early. Normally, they’d just let her sleep wherever. Or Wakka, as she recently learned, would scoop her up. She had been none the wiser ‘til he teased her about it. She didn't know how to feel about that bit of brotherly affection, since he still hadn't shown any signs of taking back what he said about Al Bhed, but- 

She looked around. The boys of the group were beyond her vision, likely doing what it is they needed to do before bed in the privacy of the crevasse. She’d probably take a leak too before crashing back to sleep.

She stood up and saw Lulu over where their sleeping pallets were. Her face was clearly turned towards them, her skin moonlike in the ember light. 

She shuddered from a windy cold. It felt kind of like a trap, and she was sifting through sleepy thoughts to wondering what caused such a strain on the both of them.

Rikku nervously started towards the crevasse bend to pee. Yuna properly rose and took Rikku’s fingers, gently pulling her arm towards her.

“Could we talk Rikku? I wanted-” Yuna bit her bottom lip and drew her eyebrows up, making her doe like eyes bright in the light and mist of tears. “I wanted to say, I’m sorry.” Yuna bowed deeply. 

Rikku patted her shoulders and tried to tilt her back up, “Hey! Hey, what are you- Oh. This morning.” It seemed so long ago. 

Yuna, her voice strong, “It wasn’t right of me to...say...well to react… how I did. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Lulu added, “I too, apologise for any discomfort I caused.” She got up, braids and belts tinkling. 

Rikku backed up, drawing her arms up, not really knowing what to say so she lied like she had lied to Wakka. “Ah, well- I get it.” 

It wasn’t a complete misrepresentation. She  _ did _ understand their reactions, because she knew they were not the same as she, but it was like understanding combustion in the first lesson in Alchemy. 

Rikku knew things went boom and that certain things would always go boom because that was their nature, but she didn’t  _ feel _ the individual components that created the boom. Couldn’t fathom the intuition. She also had a whispering doubt like maybe she wouldn’t ever- because feelings were not quantifiable, not like machina or alchemy or synthing.

So, she lied, because it was a short-cut to buy her time to figure out the pieces. 

Lulu continued, “I told Wakka once to think of having you around as a chance to learn more about the Al Bhed, but- ” she shook her head, “I have forgotten that I can learn, too.”

Yuna touched her cousin’s shoulders, seeing her as much as family as anyone that lived with her on Besaid, “I- may not always understand, but I should hope that I can always try.” 

“Aww,” Rikku was touched.

Lulu’s fingers and lace touched Rikku’s shoulder too. 

Yuna said, “Do- do you think you can forgive me?” 

Rikku hugged her and Lulu. “Nope!” At Yuna’s gasp, Rikku laughed. “You can make it up to me though.” 

Yuna's hand covered her mouth, and her voice was cautious, “Oh- how?” 

Rikku giggled, “Let me empty my tank first and then we’ll talk.”

Oh they’d talk alright. Her plan with Tidus kissing Yunie senseless was already taking off so much better than she had planned! She’d just need to make sure Tidus was in on it, and then maybe-  _ maybe _ , Yuna would switch from being hesitant about  _ enjoying  _ her physical body to being hesitant about the  _ sacrifice  _ of her body.

* * *

The dawn was cold and it started immediately; Auron noisily stoked the fire.

The blanket and Yunies warm body were powerful counter-arguments against Aurons terrible opening statement pro-getting-up. 

Rikku blinked as Auron met her eye.

She brought up the blanket to cover her face. 

He didn’t say good morning.

She turned to Yunie. The Lady Summoner had her hand loosely fisted, her mouth open and she was drooling a little. A bit of her light brown hair was sticking in her mouth. Rikku giggled then pulled it out. 

Yuna had tried very hard last night to understand. 

Rikku started with how she learned about a helper ring from the women before she left on her first salvage mission. Yuna had struggled with asking a question, not having the words for it and too worried about hurting her again. 

Rikku illustrated her feelings- had tried to explain the concept of  _ puto dymg [.2]  _ She tried to ask Yuna if she had ever felt the same. 

There was this inexplicable weight of what they were speaking of, mixed in with Yuna’s experience with Maester Seymore. The raw disillusionment of Yevons teachings and her hurt from the cracked foundation of her world order bled together in a tight ball that she couldn’t untangle simply for communication.

Rikku pinched her brows together. Last night had been a lot to think about- they stayed up far past their bedtime. She turned to Lulu sleeping on her back with her head propped up on her neck pillow. 

Lulu had taken on the burden of explanation for how there were only certain ways that women could abscond from kerchiefed demurity, and many things were not encouraged. Rather, Lulu said, it just wasn’t spoken of- especially when Sin roamed free, and thus, 'did not exist'. 

Rikku eventually found herself talking about things that had nothing to do with the ways a woman found time for herself. Rikku had to go back to explain the  _ Al Bhed people _ \- their way of life. 

She sighed. The conversation hadn’t gone at all the way she wanted. 

“Yunie- wake up. Oats are almost done.” 

Yuna blinked her blue eye open, “Oh, am I late?” 

“No-” Rikku giggled, “But how much ya wanna bet Auron’s gunna say ‘No time to waste, let’s go’ before fifteen minutes are up?” 

Yuna chuckled at her impression, opening her green eye while she rubbed the sleep out of her blue one. 

Rikku, not for the first time, wondered if Yuna’s dad’s eyes had been that petal soft blue- because she’d recognize her own shade of green anywhere.

“Oats are ready.” Auron announced loudly and Rikku glanced back and watched as he used the heel of his boot to roll Tidus over. Tidus either woke up like he had been drowning or woke up long after his body started moving. Today he woke as if he had been face down in water. Auron did not seem perturbed.

Lulu simply woke. She opened both burgundy eyes. A split second later she propped herself on her elbows, fully alert, straightening her laces with a pass of her hand gloved with gravity.

Rikku twitched, she’d not get used to Lulu’s immediate transformation into consciousness. 

Auron began with a recap of last nights decisions, distributing oats.

“Tidus, you will be responsible for handling the birds. You locate the sherpa, and train the birds well enough for you to at least ride it. During this time, we will continue to capture fiends. After we have the necessary mounts, we will search for the temple."

Rikku commandeered the plan spillage, easy to do over the measly breakfast. She brought out her map of the Calm Lands- demarcated with copious notes.

“Hey - yeah, sounds like a great plan but with a few little adjustments it’d be  _ perfect _ . Yuna and Tidus will continue South East in search of the temple that Father Zuke told Lulu about only  _ after  _ Tidus gets another chocobo. Meeting up with Lulu and Wakka for sure halfway between the Macalania forest entrance, where they will be standing guard at, of course.” 

Wakka’s mouth opened and he rubbed his chin. Lulu tilted her head. 

“Then, Rikku- that’s me- will take  _ Beau _ ,” Rikku strong armed Tidus in a quick, heated sideline discussion. 

“Beau’s always been the one I ride!” Tidus complained.

“Yeah, but he’s been the one that’s been trained the most!”

Beau had come over, interested in his name. 

“I’ll train others, and they’re good chocobos!” Tidus put a protective hand on Beau.

“Auron can’t even  _ say _ chocobo and you want to risk giving him a less trained chocobo? Beau is also very strong- aren’t you Beau, yes you are.” Beau squalled at Rikku’s coo.

“Well-”

“Beau’s also the fastest, and I’m the scout!” Rikku stomped twice.

“But Rikku,” Tidus was too slow in coming up with another excuse. 

“Plus, Beau likes me and you should ride the least trained chocobo ‘cuz you’re the best at it!”

"Well it's tough to argue with that." Tidus said, sounding actually frustrated.

Turning back to the half concerned and half blankly staring party, “Auron can ride Beau with me,” her stomach fluttered, “-and Kimahri can take- do you have a name for your chocobo yet, Kimahri?” 

Kimahri, standing watch, turned and waved an arm at her.

“Okay, I’ll talk to your chocobo and we’ll think of a name later- but you’ll come with us to find treasure after we leave Wakka and Lulu at their post.”

Auron didn’t scoff, but the tone was similar, “That’s the perfect plan?”

“It just makes more sense this way,” Rikku crossed her arms.

Auron furrowed his brow. “I don’t like the idea of Tidus being the only thing between Yuna and a fiend, and I don’t think Wakka will do well in a guard mission for any agents of Bevelle-”

“Heeee-ey,” Wakka said. At first he was offended, then his modulation faded into concessionary.

“That’s why we’re trusting Lulu with Wakka. C’mon, and Tidus is the fastest draw this side of the Macalania Lake,”

Tidus shouted, showing off his fancy footwork, “Yeah!” 

She pressed on, “_And_ he’s uh - smart enough to know when to run.” _Usually_, she personally caveated, remembering the sand worm in Bikanel. “But Yunie’s got Aeons. And healing. And they’re going to a secret hidden temple- what Guado are going to look for her there? They aren’t ‘cuz they don’t know about it. Lulu n’ Wakka can chocobo jam to go get them.” Rikku finished with a flourish.

Kimarhi shook his head slowly.

“Not you too Kimahri!” Rikku was bullying people, she knew. But she was done playing missus nice guy who will do what everyone else is not really okay with doing but no one knows how to spice things up a bit so will just sit there with no spice...guy.

“We are all Yuna’s guardians.” Auron said, resolute.

“Yeah- but,” Rikku started, scrambling for the words.

“Enough.” Auron said. 

Rikku, irritation quickly peaking, “Ugh. What?” She swatted what he said away like it was a fly, immune. “Yuna, Lulu, what do you think?” Rikku knew that if it came to a vote, she could probably pull it off but Yunie just couldn’t cactuar out. 

“I think…" Lulu crossed her arms, consiltory. "Your plan has some merits, but we should try to stick together as much as possible.” 

Rikku deflated. 

“I-I think the plan is good Rikku, I just...think that maybe we should listen to... Sir Auron.” Yuna said. 

“But the  _ treasure _ ,” Rikku grabbed at imaginary piles of gil, “We need so  _ much  _ to get the right stuff! And we’re supposed to ‘make haste, not waste’ and this is a good way to do it.” 

“Waita second- what are you doin’ stealin’ things from the fiends if you’re buyin’ stuff too?” Wakka said hands out, no trace of the ripe suspicion he had inflicted on her in the Sands, but she wished he took an even better tone.

Rikku put a hand to her head, then gave up very quickly, tossing her arms up. They always needed money- for food, beds and bribes- some fiends, she knew, would do things for a bit of gil and blood. She didn’t have time to explain to Wakka what financial security was.

“Fiend in Calm Land strong. Fiend on Gagazet much stronger- we are stronger. Together.” Kimahri added.

“Aw- alright Kimahri. We’ll do it your way, but just up until the Temple, right? Yuna and Tidus can go to the temple on their own and we will all get the treasure real fast!”

“No treasure hunting.” Auron said. 

Rikku flung herself dramatically to the grass, getting more frustrated, “Butbutbut-”

“Treasure we can pick up after, along the way to Gagazet.” Lulu suggested, a faint question in her voice as she glanced to Auron. 

“Yes, Lulu!” Rikku punched her arm in the air. 

“I say we can find treasure after, too.” Yuna said, gripping her staff tightly. 

“Yes, Yuna! Woohoo!” Rikku jumped up and down. “And we’re  _ Yuna’s  _ guardians.” Rikku put one arm akimbo and slashed out at Auron with her other hand. 

Auron closed his eye, bringing his chin down and made something that sounded a bit softer than his normal ‘hurrumph.’

“Alright. No time to waste-” Auron said. Rikku jumped up, miming putting a blade over her shoulder as she finished his sentence with him. “Let’s go!”

Yuna sucked down a laugh. Rikku winked.

* * *

  
  


It was Lulu who came to Rikku that night when they finally returned to the agency. Not Yuna. 

Yunie had excused herself to go ‘commune with the aeons’ after Tidus teleported himself to the Luca blitz-sphere.

Rikku had located a relatively plain but well made armlet that day. It had dropped back into reality as the pyreflies were knocked out of it, and thought she could weld at least three things into it. 

She was sitting in the common room, taking up an entire nook and table. A bright light baked down on her, strung up by the vent that allowed cool air to blow in. 

She noticed a glint beyond her spread, and heard a heavy brush along the ground.

Lulu stood a respectful distance away, her hair pins glittering in the reflected light. Rikku wiped a bit of drool from her mouth, “Oopsie,” she smiled sheepishly, “Sometimes I get a little ...uh concentrated- did you need something fixed with your bangle I made ya?” 

Rikku saw Auron, in the corner sharpening his blade, a presence she hadn’t noticed until then.

“No. Are you almost finished?” Lulu said, crossing her arms. She sounded a little strange, agitated and serious. Rikku stopped fiddling with the smoke glands, pulling down her goggles. 

“Ahhhh-” She had a bath in mind. Maybe a long luxurious one, after the infinite list of equipment preparedness she was to get through. She thought however, that if Lulu was even looking a little like she was not completely collected, it must be important.

“I can be, after this armlet for Kimahri-” she pointed to the items, “He’s gunna be malboro proof- mostly.”

Lulu nodded, “Alright. I’ll meet you in the room after you’re finished.” 

Rikku nodded, “Yeah, sure!” 

Auron had paused from his blade sharpening. 

Rikku shrugged, and snapped on her goggles. Lulu’s braids fanned out as she turned. 

Rikku clicked on her welding tool, not even glancing at him.

When Kimahri peered over her work, Rikku thought he smelled suspiciously fresh, like he had stolen something from her by getting to the shower first. She realised she had gotten sucked in sorting out more synth work. She got too involved with the attachments and got distracted in concentration and went down the rabbit hole of ideas.

“Ah! Kimahri- I added a few things to that armlet we found earlier when we went out with Sannam.” Kimahri had actually picked the name, and she liked it for the gentle chocobo. “Wear it in case we run into any Malboro’s, okay?” She handed him the armlet, pleased with her work. She had managed to weave the Al Bhed pattern he had kept on his arm into the armlet as well. 

Kimahri nodded, “Kimahri will wear it. Rikku honors Kimahri with glorious victory.” 

“Aww- Kimahri buddy! I love you too!” She started packing up the items, rolling, tucking and tightening before setting it all in neatly in her inventory.

“Make Rikku victorious, too.” Kimahri said sternly, adjusting his new armor to fit around his forearm. 

“Ah well-” Rikku said, thinking about the old Al Bhed treasure hunting legend of the fabled Victorious armor. It wasn't like she knew it was on the way. “Maybe one day.” 

She passed Tidus and Wakka. Auron was listening to them go over Tidus’ strategy from his earlier blitz game but was tending to another sword in his hands. 

“When did you get back?” Rikku said to Tidus, unhappy. 

“Like twenty minutes ago- I said hi.” Tidus returned. 

“Ugh- why didn’t you go say hi to Yuna?” Rikku waggled her eyebrows meaningfully. 

Tidus looked at Wakka, cry for ‘help’ in his expression. 

Wakka rubbed the back of his head. “Uh- think that was my fault. I asked him how the game went. But Yuna is with Lu- ya?” Wakka said helpfully, but then darted his eyes at Tidus suspiciously. His arms crossed, suddenly protective, like he felt Rikku’s eyebrows had been  _ too _ waggily regarding Lady Yuna and Tidus.

“Nevermind, slacker!” She said pointedly. She did not want to deal with Wakka being protective over Yuna’s business with Tidus. 

Rikku went down the hall, grumbling to herself over Wakka’s interest in the time Tidus spent with Yuna, until she found the room the girls of the group had shared last time. She straightened her back and slapped her face into a smile and opened the door.

Lulu was brushing Yuna’s hair. 

Yuna had relaxed into the brushing, but as much as it made her feel loved, it also saddened her. Sometimes Rikki could tell, other times, Rikku couldn't. 

“Aeons alright?” Rikku asked Yuna, not sure if Lulu had told Yuna that she wanted to speak with Rikku. 

“Mm.” Yuna nodded. “Bahamut has been… intense. Connecting with Valefor has been easier, and she is improving in magic.”

“That’s great.” Rikku sort of stretched and began to sidle up to Yuna. “So, that armored dragon aeon is tough to carry around in you?”

“He’s… very present.” Yuna said, hand up to her chin. 

“Huh-” Rikku bit down on her lip to prevent herself from asking if her communing with the aeons had anything to do with Tidus leaving. It was obvious that Yunie had to take care of her aeons though, regardless of the blonde dummy.

“Now that you’re here Rikku, I wanted to discuss something on the same vein as what we had started talking about the night before. If you were open to it.” Lulu said, putting away the brush.

“Rikku is open for business!” Rikku got a bit jolty with happiness and anxiety- she wasn’t sure if she was quite prepared to go on another long trying-not-to-be-defensive-but-ending-up-a-bit-defensive lesson on Al Bhed history. 

“Just, lemme take off my boots n’ stuff.” She sat on the ground, tugging off her boot. “Woowhee I’m smelly, so maybe not.” She put it back on, promising herself she’d have a nice long bathroom session tonight.

“I’m curious. Have you ever considered...magic?” Lulu asked, her expertly rouged cheeks had blotched with natural pink. 

Yuna was red on her neck and ears but her face was covered with her hands. 

“Uh- I mean I’m okay at magic- but not great. It’s like a whole other-” 

Lulu shook her head. “No. No, you’d have the aptitude, but I meant… for pleasure.” 

“Ohh-” Rikku put a finger against her cheek. Rikku had not.

Lulu’s mouth tilted mischievously, “It may be time for you to learn a few black magic spells.” 

Rikku tilted her head, “Why the sudden change of heart? Not that I don’t appreciate it but you two didn’t seem to, you know-” Rikku threw out  _ jumihdaanc uhpuynt, tejanc dygehk buehd _ , before she settled on [5. volunteers onboard, divers taking point,] “ _ -pro _ the idea.” 

Yuna said quietly, “We are making it up to you. I felt that you cared so much about my experience…" 

Lulu entered, "You said we should make it up to you. We handled it poorly and the conversation we had last night was difficult for you." 

Rikku rubbed her cheek, thinking it may have been difficult for Lulu as well.

Yuna stumbled, trying to pick up where Lulu left an opening for her. "We didn't know you felt so…and we're so sorry." 

Rikku bit her lip, she felt like they really needed her to say that she forgave them. But she wasn't sure she had. 

"So, we’re going try-" Lulu prompted. 

"Rikku would you-...would you make me one, too?” Yuna bowed her head.

Rikku felt that familiar rush of victory and that giddy sort of joy. “Yunie, you can just have the one I made- I haven’t used it or anything so it’s not really mine yet.” Rikku persuaded, knowing possession was a little different to Lulu and Yuna, too. 

She quickly tried to allay any other worries Yuna would come up with, “I can make another real fast.” 

While Rikku snapped open her inventory before Yuna could change her mind, Lulu produced a marble. It rolled in between her elegant fingers until she pinched it between two long painted purple nails. It glistened with a smokey purple sheen, and raw energy lines shimmered on its surface. “I have a black magic sphere- I’ve been saving it for you.” 

Rikku gasped, “It’s beautiful.”

Lulu grew serious for a moment, “If you were ever in the water again, without magic. I’d like you to have it.”

“This is super-duper valuable Lulu! Are you sure?” Rikku looked to Yuna. 

Yuna nodded, “Lulu is always with me. But you’re the only one able to keep up with Wakka and Tidus in the water. It makes sense for you to have at least a little magic. Especially if you’ve decided to train martially.”

Rikku felt her fingers twitch, “Ohhh yeah but- what spell? It only holds one, right?”

“Thundaga,” Lulu said steadily, measuring Rikku’s glance. 

Rikku yelped, “Uhhh- I don’t know if I wanna-” 

“It would be best for underwater fiends, as I have mentioned to you before.” Lulu said, a lecture in her voice. 

“But- I really hate lightning Lulu!” 

“Think of it as a way to overcome your fear. And associate new...sensations with it.” Lulu said silkily. 

A sense of horror at what Lulu was implying drained her face, but Yuna leaned forward quickly and placed her hands on her arms, “No! No, Rikku it’s not,” she tried to smother her laughter, “-it’s not like that.”

Yuna shook her head and Rikku breathed out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, “Whew- okay, for a second there I was real worried.” 

Yuna tried to explain, “Once you know how to summon the elements you sort of feel it in your finger tips before you cast it out.” Yuna looked over at Lulu for guidance. Lulu nodded, proud. “I’ve considered starting black magic lessons once I’ve understood everything about restoring consciousness.” Yuna added.

“If you say so.” Rikku was bolstering herself up, sitting up and holding her hand out for the marble.

“I’ll have to concentrate. I must pour myself into the marble and cast the spell onto it. It may take a little time.” Lulu said, regretfully. “Truth be told, I wasn’t sure you’d learn Thundaga, but-” she gave a small warm smile, “-I’m glad you decided to.” 

“I have to go out to catch myself a machina patroller real quick. You think we can handle a quick haul before it gets too late?” Rikku asked, suddenly relieved that she didn’t need to accept the marble right now.

“I don’t see why not,” Lulu said.

“I can call for Shiva,” Yuna said, a distant look on her face as she thought about the aeon she'd summon.

Rikku pulled her cousin from up off the bed, “Well- let’s get to it! Ain’t nothin’ to it but to do it!” She liked how it sounded even outside Al Bhed. 

She ignored the questions that Tidus and Wakka pelted at them about where they were going, dragging Yuna behind her. But Lulu stopped when Auron asked where they were going.

Lulu just stared at Auron.

Rikku judged her as obviously wanting to cave in and tell him. Rikku had noticed the mage, the one with  _ two  _ almost completed pilgrimages behind her thousand belts, had this weird thing about getting the legendary guardians approval. 

Remembering in a stroke of brilliant luck a phrase to have scare off most Yevonite men, though she didn't really know what it meant, Rikku yelled, “We need women’s stuff Auron!” It was just something that she had heard worked if church security got a little too nosy about an Al Bhed women's business. 

“Hmmph. Stay close to the Inn.” 

“We’ll be back soon,” Lulu assured him and ascended the stairs, turning to Rikku with a lighthearted expression that Rikku wished Lulu would wear more often. She looked like she was a kid getting away with something.

Yuna giggled next to Rikku. 

“Alright! Ladies, kick fiend butt! I am definitely going to need a shower after this, though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Glossary
> 
> 4: Yevonite: Borrowed words exist in Al Bhed. This one however has other connotations and is usually an insult to mean that one is always near death- and bloody monks are the polite term for monks- bloodletters, the bloodmen- it doesn't help Auron wears a coat that looks like it was made for dried blood.
> 
> 5: Volunteers Onboard, Divers Taking Point [jumihdaanc uhpuynt, tejanc dygehk buehd]: This may be a little obvious considering how much we see the Al Bhed on amphibious machines and on the water. Salvage and scavenging and getting on board a clearly machine operated vessel combines risk, and demonstrates that people are for the idea so much so that they risk themselves.


	3. Steel Cracks, Silk Stains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rikku suspects Auron anneals his steel will instead of tempers, but she’s got her own designs and techniques.

Rikku never got her shower. In addition, she had not fallen asleep until the wee hours of the morning. She could tell because she had only paused for a moment to rest her eyes, but felt a stiff neck and clenchy leg muscles before she heard what woke her. 

“She needs her rest.” Lulu was just outside the door. 

“She’s part of the group.” Auron's rumble had a mildly patient timbre. 

“Ugh,” Rikku said, a flick of jealousy in her gut. He’s always looking to Lulu about important group stuff and here she was, sleeping in.

Yuna wasn’t in the room, and it looked like she was at least a good fifteen minutes away from finishing her second creation that she had made for herself, not including clean up time. 

“She was busy until very early this morning, working.” Lulu’s voice was smooth, rational. 

Aurons boots thudded away from the door, his voice changing to a murmur. 

She looked down at herself, rumpled but fully dressed. She crawled a bit to the door and then peeked out, “Hey Lulu, I’m up and ready - just got to put away inventory.”

Auron turned to face where he thought she’d be standing at the door and had a small problem of not being able to see her past his collar. He had to pull the leather strap on his tall collar down, in what Rikku could only imagine was a measure to confirm that she was indeed ready.

“ _ Lnesaho _ [Crimeny], I promise- I’ll be ready faster than two shakes in a steamroller.” 

Auron turned away.

Lulu looked down at her, her ample breasts pressed together as she crossed her arms under the soft fur line of her leather dress, hair silky smooth and make-up perfect. 

Rikku gave a small smile, no wonder Auron listened to Lulu; she was all put together and really beautiful. She closed the door. 

She wanted to get her things together but just sat, feeling tired and grubby in her customisation mess. She poked the skin puckering out between her shorts and skirt.

Lulu knocked gently, “Rikku?” 

“Uh yeah!” She scrambled putting things away, activating her hyper-habitual speed.

“I really think that you should get a bit more rest.” Lulu said, hands on the doorknob and door frame.

“It’s my job to get all of the armor and weapons all sorted- if I can’t keep up with that then I’m not doing my part on the team.” 

“Alright,” Lulu said, crossing her arms. “You should take it easy training with Sir Auron today. We’ve been expending a good deal of energy these past few days and I’m worried that his training will push you and you’ll...dig in your heels.” 

“Thanks Lulu, but I’ll be fine. Promise. If the big grump takes it too far, I’ll come back to the agency.” 

Lulu’s initial shuttered reaction at Rikku name-calling the legendary guardian, changed, “Did you take the Black Magic sphere?” 

“Umm…” Rikku glanced at it on the nightstand, and it crackled at her. It’d mean she’d have to adjust to the lighting bolts and she was honestly terrified. There’s only so much she had energy for at once.

Lulu came in as Rikku placed the last poison fang in her inventory, “I think you should make time soon.”

Rikku let out a small whinge.

Lulu sat on the bed, and Rikku stopped flailing. She knew she was being grumpy, but hey she was tired, and she knew it made sense for her to take the Black Magic sphere imbued with all that Thundaga energy but she  _ didn’t wanna. _

“Rikku, you seem a little tense with Sir Auron. I noticed that you were … close in Macalania.” 

“We’re not close.” Rikku said, getting up very quickly.

“You were at least on civil speaking terms. On the airship-” 

“We just had a lot to say...a-about stuff.” Rikku didn’t really want to examine why and when her crush developed or the tight ball of resentment and rage that had been penduluming at Auron.

Lulu paused, blinking her lovely red eye as if there was nothing fraught with tension in the conversation. Rikku felt her resentment peeking out at Lulu, too. She squashed it down, tightening her jaw and going to the door. 

“I hope I haven’t done anything to upset you, Rikku. Sometimes you seem...a little pained when you smile.” 

Rikku put her hands up to her head, “Ugh-” she swallowed down the first angry response of ‘well why don’t  _ you _ try smiling sometime?’ but she took a deep breath and feeling a weep rise at the bottom where the air stopped. 

“No Lulu, you’re right.” And awful, salty, thick tears fought and clawed at her throat and squeezed out between her eyes.

She balled her hands into fists and told the tears to go and send themselves why don’t they- she wasn’t going to break down. 

Lulu was behind her, her hands chilly but tender on her shoulders, she said, “Rikku,” 

And Rikku couldn’t help it, Lulu had cracked her. She threw up her hands in front of her face and turned into Lulu. She sobbed, “I’m s-s-ssorry.” 

Lulu patted her reassuringly. “Rikku, for what?”

“C-crying so much.” Rikku tried to calm herself through the embarrassment of having a breakdown but she was an overheated battery all burst out and oozing acid in front of  _ Lulu _ \- strong, unshakable, never cries  _ Lulu _ .

“Rikku it’s alright.” Lulu said. 

So, Rikku cried. Latched onto Lulu, her ear pressed against her chest, she could hear Lulu’s beating heart. She tried stopping once she had enough sense to realise that she was probably leaking gross fluids.

She stopped her tears, and breathed a bit more, pulling back to save Lulu from gross Rikku.

“Feel better?” 

Rikku nodded. 

“Rikku, I wanted to say that I admired you for having the strength to guide everyone down to the summoner’s sanctum while your home was in flames. You lead your people to the airship. It took a lot of strength to keep going and focus on what was important during that time.”

Rikku blinked, amazed, and wiped her nose, sniffing hard. Lulu admired her? “But I cried on Wakka.” 

“That was completely understandable. You’ve dealt with so much- and you’re so young.” 

“Everyone’s young in Spira.” Rikku said. “Even the old people. Still kickin’ hard.” 

“Hmm,” Lulu used a sleeve to wipe away Rikku tears. 

“I’m old enough to know when not to cry! I was doin’ dirty work since I was seven! Pops let me command my first salvage mission at twelve. I was in charge of my own ship at fourteen, when I met Tidus- I spearheaded the summoner snatching!” 

Lulu gave a small breath of laughter, her face filling with warmth, “Rikku, I’m saying that it’s hard, and you’ve been strong. Now, will you tell me if Sir Auron or I have done something to upset you?” 

Rikku sucked in a shuddering breath, “I think you’re so strong and resourceful and Auron looks to you to make decisions.” 

“This is my third pilgrimage.” Lulu said, somber.

“Yeah but- you know, it’s more than that. He listens to you.” 

Lulu was still, her face once more a mask. “I believe he listens to you too, Rikku.”

Rikku went to go and sit on the bed, “You haven’t done anything to upset me. I guess I’m just a little jealous.” 

Lulu tilted her head, “Of Sir Auron…? Is that why you’re upset with him?” She seemed confused to Rikku, her visible eye searched from side to side. Lulu was trying to remember if there’d been interactions between them she didn’t read correctly, but Rikku was oblivious to Lulus particular anxiety.

Rikku let out a breath, “Nooo- not really. Just of you. And you know, I told Tidus he should give me a few years for the breasts but-” she looked at Lulu’s chest, then down at her own. “I don’t think that mine are ever going to get all big. My hips too- I think I’m gunna look like a boy forever.” She threw herself back on the bed.

Lulu delicately snorted, “Who told you you look like a boy?” 

Rikku didn’t answer. The boys she used to run with never  _ said _ she did, she just knew that they didn’t look at her the same way as they did Nhadala. The merc and tech personnel were men, but she was their captain, their elders daughter and commander. Tidus hadn’t looked at her even before he met Yunie, and then he looked at Yunie like she was Holy.

“...did something happen between you and Sir Auron while training?” Lulu cautiously asked, coming to stand near Rikku. 

Rikku shook her head, that wasn’t quite it. She turned over, trying to find a spot where she wasn’t so vulnerable. 

“He just- wants us to go so fast.” 

Lulu’s beaded braids clicked together and then stilled. 

Silence pressuring her, Rikku blurted out, “He seems like he just wants Yunie to die, just get to Zanarkand, get to Zanarkand. Doesn’t he know that when we go Yuna will die? He  _ knows  _ and still he just wants to go faster.” 

Rikku felt like an ungrounded live wire, sitting up arms going everywhere, “He doesn’t like Yevon though, or the Church- he doesn’t trust monks or Maesters. He hates the pilgrimage, I know he does. He doesn’t pray, and doesn’t act like he’s okay with things that are bad! Bad, Lulu! He just cares about Yunie completing her pilgrimage. Why does he push us so hard forward?” She looked up at Lulu, pleading, inviting her to marvel at this insane conundrum. 

“Ah.” Lulu sat down. 

“And!” Rikku said, “Does he even care a little bit about himself? He was possessed by- like- this  _ idea  _ that I needed to learn the lesson, but we almost died because I needed to do it  _ his _ way- and when I got him up he just ‘I knew you could do it, Rikku.’” She imitated Auron, with disgust. Registering Lulu’s face, she quickly put her hands up.

“Yeah I  _ get  _ why we did it that way, but why can’t there be another way?” Rikku felt the mantra peel at her last layer of self-composure. 

Lulu patted Rikku’s leg. After a while, Lulu spoke. “I think it would be good if you took some time for yourself today. Tidus is still training chocobos. And- we’re all leaving after so you have time to just… have a lie in.” 

“That feels lazy.” 

“Alright, then wash your face, come out to join and then take a nap later.” 

Rikku smiled, and it felt real. She would go and wash her face then get all sweaty again before she took a real bath.

* * *

“That’s the last of em,” Wakka said, talking about the smaller fiends they had set out to capture. 

They had spent their day capturing as many fiends as they could near the travel agency. Rikku took Tidus’s place in the front lines. She was able to hit first, and as a result gathered items and calculated how much damage she was able to do in one hit in tandem.

“After doin’ this, you think that Arena guy is gunna pay us with somethin’ good?”

“I’m not sure,” Lulu said, as if on a leisurely stroll. Rikku knew Lulu wasn’t expending that much effort against the flan fiends, and it really looked like she was enjoying the weather on a promenade. 

“If Tidus doesn’t manage to train this overgrown bird by tonight, then returning to the Arena is moot.”

“What?” Rikku piped up from where the shred lay. She had cracked it open to see if there was an object the pyreflies had formed over.

“Calm Lands feel Gagazets breath. Snow grows high. Soon cannot pass.” Kimarhi stated, in support of Aurons judgement. 

“It’s on the way to Gagazet!” Rikku said, hand on her hip, shred pyreflies decaying at her feet. 

Yuna placed a hand to her chin, “We cannot pass the gorge at nightfall. The road is quite rocky, and we’ll have no place to sleep.” 

“That’s what we were told,” Wakka said, slowly, watching Yuna as if he saw her fold her hand, accepting that there was another thing that she would not be able to complete.

“It’s like three hours!” Rikku said, waving her arms like everyone had gone crazy. She wasn’t going to let Yuna be bullied out of opening the chest. 

“We can leave the treasure hunting out.”

Rikku glared at Auron. 

“Hmm, Yuna- let’s go and see if Tidus is training the chocobos, well. Shall we?” Lulu held out her arm and looked at Wakka meaningfully. 

“Oh ya! Hey I heard that Tidus was gettin’ real good. The chocobo lady thinks she may want to race him if he does real-real good. I’d like to see dat!” Wakka laughed and tossed the blitzball back and forth between his hands, trotting after them. 

Auron spoke when Yuna was out of ear shot.

“You wish to stall the pilgrimage.” 

“Uh well, yeah.” Rikku crossed her arms, uncomfortable that he had so quickly hit the nail on the head.

“If we do not press on we will have to wait out the winter.” 

“What’s so wrong with that, huh?” The bite of desperation gnawed at Rikku’s throat.

Kimahri turned to join the others from his polite distance away on the crest, sensing that there was about to be a confrontation that did not concern him. 

“You have hope that you will think of an alternative-” Auron said, like he was going to tell her that there was no alternative.

She snapped at him before he could cut her in such a way, snarling, “At least I have some hope.” 

Auron slammed his blade down in the grass, making her jump. She didn’t think he’d  _ really _ kill her, but she had seen what him slamming the blade down into the ground could do. 

Auron’s veins were prominent in his hand, and for a second that was the only clue she had before she realised how infuriated he was.

He ground out, “You are afraid of that which you do not know. This means that your hope is real, but you are blinded by your fear.”

“Fear?” Rikku felt her hostility become glacial.

Death for her was a monster she faced long ago, and the switch had flipped from a reactive lashing out to being properly angry. “Fear of what? For me?” How dare he, she seethed, she wasn’t afraid of dying, she laughed in the face of her death HA-HA.

She reached down deep to anchor her voice as steadily as she could. “I’m afraid  _ Yuna _ will die- it seems like me and Tidus are the only ones that get that once Yuna makes it to Zanarkand-” 

Auron cut her off, “No, you are afraid you cannot stop her from dying a pointless death.” His voice rolled like thunder. “You are afraid that there is no other way.” A silent streak of lighting. “You are afraid you will fail.”

Rikku felt like all the wind was taken out of her, and the tears she had banished this morning clawed behind her eyes. She had been afraid, she knew it before Tidus told her to stop thinking about all of the ‘buts’ she kept putting forth. She had been surviving not thinking about the ‘buts’. She put her hands to her head to keep her brain steady and to press in the slew. She would not let the tears out, not in front of Auron. 

After a minute more Auron started again.

“The Al Bhed think that a summoner choosing to die is just as tragic as everyone sharing in that fate-” 

She stomped, shouting over him, “It IS- it is futile- we don’t deserve-” Rikku’s voice cracked, and her sob warped the rest of her words, “How can we live when the best of us must die? How should we feel when we have a Calm and there is no Yuna? In the Calm, more people die from dumb stupid reasons and everyone is sad and trapped-” she sucked in breath through gritted teeth. 

“Rikku,” Auron said her name, slow and almost gentle. 

“ _ Hu! E tuh’d haat ruba! E’s hud pmeht _ ! [No! I don’t need hope! I’m not blind!] I’m  _ not _ blind. I might be afraid, but at least I am afraid for the right reasons! I don’t need hope- I just need to know more, and I need time!”

Auron was quiet as she breathed in rapidly. He was hiding behind his glasses and his cowl and she wanted to rip it off.

“Your hope is vital for change. I trust that your hope is true.” He said.

She laughed, a bitter single note, thinking of when he had last said that he trusted her before she slammed a hi-potion into his chest, “Yeah, that worked out so well for you last time- you nearly  _ died. _ ” 

Auron rolled his head back. Then, shaking his head, he tilted forward, “ _ I _ don’t matter.”

“Rrrah!” Rikku dug her hands into her head and tossed them at him, “Yes! You do! How can you not  _ feel- _ ” 

“I feel rage!” Auron’s voice, raw silk caught in a grinder, escaped him. She knew it escaped him because he pulled back and turned away from her.

“That is all.” Auron said. 

A few breaths passed. The wind changed direction.

Rikku wasn’t going to be dismissed. And she wasn’t done. 

Auron, the cool when they were in danger, Auron the I don’t have facial expressions except sardonic ones that I hide behind my collar and sunglasses- had yelled about his  _ feelings _ .

“You don’t feel sad- you’re helping Yunie die?” 

She wanted to ask him about Braska, ask him about how he could stand the fact that Braska was dead and that he had helped him. She knew it wasn’t a fair question, knew it wasn’t a kind, or good question.

“Like you helped Uncle Braska die?” 

Auron’s hand clenched. 

Rikku felt like scum as soon as she said it. She was sickened, almost as if a malboro had breathed on her.

It was unequivocally like a malboro.  She snapped around, gasping as she saw the noxious fiend worming its way up from the grassy knoll behind her.  It’s stinking putrefaction was retching, and she had a moment to shriek, “Auron!” before it pelted her with its acidic, sap-like saliva, tentacles oozing it forward. 

“Ow!” She fell to her knees, out of breath, fighting for air through the burning in her lungs. 

Auron shot his arm out of his sleeve, heaving the blade over his shoulder as he ran towards her. 

Rikku gasped, flicking open her inventory and getting a healing kit out. She locked the target for the spray, and inhaled quickly.

It whizzed over to Auron and sphere dust and aerosol covered him. He turned to her, eyebrows furrowed, before quickly bolting the malboro with a deadly look. 

“Go- I’ll hold it off.”

Rikku staggered to her feet, “Alright- you, I’m in no mood!” She bolted forward, jumping over the tentacle vines and slamming her claw into the Malboro to get that pearl like seed that was the heart of a remedy. 

Auron grunted as it spat another clump at him, maybe upset she ignored him again. 

The maw was mashing, rows of jagged teeth undulating in it’s rotting mouth- Rikku watched as Auron waited for an opening and slashed. 

She ran back towards him, a chocobo feather in her inventory hand, the end, needle like. She poked Auron with it and he coiled with new found energy. 

He growled at her, “Get out of here- go get the others.” 

Rikku shook her head, “They’re too far! I'm not leaving you here."

Auron let out a ki when he slammed his blade down at the encroaching tentacles. 

“And I’m angry.” She spun and used her body as a shield for a workspace that wouldn't get smacked by a tentacle. She summoned one of the more volatile substances she had stored away- a gem stolen from the sand worm of Bikanel, and with her same hand cracked open another Al Bhed healing kit. The pearl seed she held in her hand, at the ready, as she affixed and calibrated the kit and gem together.

She wasn’t one hundred percent sure that this wouldn’t blow up in their faces, but she was high on emotion, the pressure lending her hyper clarity, and she knew the basics well enough. 

“Take this!” She stood up, seeing that Auron had absorbed another acid spit blob for her, and her mix, and tossed it over him.

The force of the blast caused them to shuttle backwards. The malboro gave a scream like rusting metal under compression, and its pustule-like eyes on stalks writhed. 

Rikku laughed, her ears still popping from the amount of gravity she had just set off. 

It regained its bearings and then moved hideously. The malboros grey green skin rippled, the viscous covering surged as foulness was dredged up, and Rikku knew they would have only a second to prepare before it breathed on them. 

“Auron! The remedy-” But it was too late, and the putrid yellow black gas belched over them.

Auron, heaving, his face a sickly green mask of rage, was the last thing that she saw before the world failed to make sense. The sounds of Aurons ki shouts and grunts rushed at her like she was under a waterfall and she didn’t notice the remedy pearl had fallen from her hand.

She saw Aurons blade hack at the malboro, a shining flash beyond the darkness pouring out her eyes. Tentacles lurched towards her and she put up her claw to defend herself, panicked and befuddled. Woozy from the nausea, she fell. 

“Ouh!” She pulled the blade out of her side, swiping at the air in front of her. She felt the warm wet blood pool before she crumpled. 

* * *

Rikku became conscious with vomit. Bile and potion colored wet was all she saw on grass for a moment in tunnel vision before she sucked in air. 

A heavy throaty sigh eased over her hair as a heavy hand thumped on her back.

She was shaking, shuddering from the toxic poison and the phoenix down’s effects. She turned to Auron, wiping her mouth on her arm.

His sunglasses had slid down, and he was leaning on one knee, sticky sap still sizzling on his bracer and skin. 

His face was relaxed in relief, but Rikku was busy trying to roll back from her spit up. 

“Can you stand?” Auron asked, his gloved hand hovering over her shoulder. 

“Ugh,” Rikku felt the dry mouth and faint headache she usually got after taking too many quick heal items. Cramps like her monthly blood was coming on dug into her hips and lower back. She was reminded why she couldn’t use them all the time or too much- otherwise the body stretched itself too thin. 

She sat with her knees splayed out on either side of her, feeling her body re-orient into reality. “Maybe.” 

Auron took his sword, and stood up.

She tried to push herself up, felt like the sky was falling on her, and he caught her arm. 

“ _ Oui  _ [you]- you killed it?” 

“Yes.” He pulled her up and helped her brace herself against him.

“Did… you capture it?”

Auron laughed. It was short, and started in his chest. Her hand on his chest plate felt the air go in and out. “That’s what you’re worried about? I thought I had killed you.” 

Auron’s glasses still hadn’t been corrected, and she could see that any pleasure at her response had faded into his usual acrid look. He looked conflicted and severe. 

She blurted, “I’m sorry.” 

Auron closed his eye and shook his head, “No. I should have first guarded my emotions.” 

Rikku wavered, realising that she was far too close to him and tried to stand back. 

Auron righted her, “If you can’t walk-” 

“No, I mean- I am sorry that I said that about Braska, about Yuna,” she panted, still feeling out of breath and fighting a sharp pain that needled into her, burning from her side where she had sunk her claw into her own flesh. 

Auron pushed up his glasses.

“Let’s go.” 

“I don’t know if I can...walk...that fast.” She wasn’t sure she could  _ walk _ but she wasn’t going to admit that out loud. She could figure out a way around it, though it was awful difficult to think with the deluge of pain.

“You vomited up most of the potion I gave you-” 

“No, I know it’s better if we can get to Yunie.” She could just bite the cotton bunch and take a hi-potion. It would risk her bodies long term recovery and she’d be swallowing away another couple hundred gil. It was not the best idea, but Yuna couldn’t be that far away.

“I’ll carry you.” 

“N-n-mmm.” Rikku didn’t want to be carried but there was a faint hum in the back of her head that sibilated through her and whispered that ‘ _ yes _ ’ she did want to be carried. It was confusing. Auron _ could  _ carry her but she hadn’t  _ needed _ to be carried for years. It was humiliating, and there were many other objective reasons against it. Like, what if there was another fiend ambush? Auron also had stated long ago that no one should stand on his right because of how he drew his blade, so she asked, “What about your sword arm?” 

“We’ll move quickly, and if need be, I’ll drop you.” 

Rikku’s jaw dropped, “Wh-what?”

“You’ll throw bombs. I’ll stand guard.” 

Rikku snapped her jaw shut and then opened it again, taking in a breath. 

“It’s better this way for Yuna’s safety. You’ll recover in time for tomorrow.”

Rikku’s nerves were deadened from her brush with critical injury. She didn’t fully comprehend that the decision was made. 

Auron sheathed his blade into the hook on his pauldron.

She felt in shock, but a weak spark in the back of her brain lit up as he kneeled down and placed his arm behind her knees. She felt a strange sense of perilousness. A distinct thought hovered outside of her, both euphoric and fearful, ‘ _ Ur cred _ [Oh shit]!’

She let out, “Oop,” as he tossed her a bit to balance her weight, like she wasn’t any heavier to throw than dice.

He started off at a brisk jog, heedless of her spinning head. 

She smelled musk and incense and registered his corded muscles digging into her body. She was then aware and vaguely disappointed she hadn’t showered. The malboro hadn’t made either of them smell like the desert rain she always tried to imbue in her clothes and soaps. A vast understatement. 

She hoped he would and wouldn’t notice her body, as was her usual incongruous thoughts regarding the man. But something more pressing pushed past the clouds of discomposure.

“Auron,” she said, regret and shame pulling at the bits of dignity she clung to, “I am sorry- I knew I shouldn’t have... Then I got- you know- and well, yeah.”

His breathing was even, and he was efficient in his breath as he was his pace. She looked up at him, wishing she was in a better state to savor this even as she felt a chill, her strength leaving her again. She tried to hold on to the leather straps and collar to prevent painful and nauseating jostling.

“I cannot-” His tone, when he decided to respond, indicated that it was a complete thought, but yet, being this close, she could see the muscles beneath his silvery strands at his temple flex. 

She concentrated on letting out her breath to release the pain, feeling her side wound open.

“I cannot often feel anything other than anger.” He said, and pain colored his voice. Shame weighed his eyebrow and flitted under his scarred eye.

“You’re angry though that uncle Braska died,” 

He slowed, “What you must think of me.” 

Rikku gripped his haori, looking straight over his glasses into his eye, “You’re angry Yunie wants to die.” She said it more because she wanted to show him that she had known what she said was an _ unped drauno _ [orbit theory 6.] question, searching for a causal response. Her vision blurred as she felt blood, warm and wet seep out of her.

Auron, not breathing heavily, stilled his pace and looked at her. 

Rikku felt her body shiver, her arms give out, “What are you not saying? You always are not sayin’ nothin’- Auron.”

“Stop talking, save your energy.” He started his brisk pace again, shifting her so she was more laying down than sitting up.

“Is ‘kay. ‘m fine.  _ Oui kud sa _ [You got me].  _ Oui _ ’re not gunna let Yunie die,  _ oayr  _ [yeah]? So why go fast?”

“Yuna must learn something, and then I - Rikku open your eyes, I won’t repeat this again so you must stay awake.” 

“Kay- is ‘kay.” She thought distantly that it was hard to hang onto the silk of his haori but it felt nice. 

“Yuna needs you by her- after she learns something in Zanarkand. Then, if her decision is true, I will not let her die.” 

“Me neither,” Rikku believed him. She did, it was a warm gooey feeling that counteracted the cold she felt spreading over her body. She thought Auron would take down Bevelles High Court of Yevon itself, and that thought comforted her so deeply she felt like she might just want to take that nap now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Anyone notice the language pun?
> 
> Glossary  
6: orbit theory [unped drauno, phrasal: vnuhdean ran unpedym drauno,] Science term for organic reaction mechanisms that has been bastardized and appropriated for the Al Bhed. The concept that two seemingly unrelated phenomena can be discovered to have a connection by causing a reaction of something known and watching what it will affect in a hypothetical components- assuming that there are components that ‘orbit’ around the mysterious key pairing.


	4. Blood on Silk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a poem that Rikku knows, because the children listen to the mournful guardsong while they play on working machines and practice defensive destruction. It's about blood and the blood men, but she only remembers some words and the images: the spinning gear in the gyre, the blood-dimmed tide, and everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned; and how silk stained blood is the augury, the bloody ending and again when life- birth comes again, to be kept on precious silk.

Rikku woke up in a dark room of the Calm Land Agency. Yuna was holding her hand, her head was by hers, lightly snoring, boots still on, atop the covers.

Rikku sat up, Yuna’s white magic work apparent. She eased her hand out of her cousins and saw Lulu on the pallet set-up, her same pillar-like neck pillow propping her head up and keeping her hair style perfect.

She snuck off the bed, wincing. So, maybe not good as new, but pretty darn close. She snuck out, unpleasant pressure on her tank. She still felt crampy, and disgusting. The acid spit from the Malboro had crusted onto her, and her pants were still damp, from blood and gross sweat n’ slime, she presumed. 

She opened the door to the dimly lit hall, slipped out, and turned quickly out of the room so that the hallight wouldn’t wake them. She closed the door silently, lifting it just so to prevent a creak. She didn’t notice Auron rising up from where he had been seated behind her.

As it softly clicked shut, she turned and ran straight into Auron. She squeaked and covered her mouth with her hands. 

He had posted himself by the door. “You’re awake.” Quick, low.

Rikku made a face, thinking ‘yes, do I look like a ghost?’

“You’re still bleeding.” Auron said, quiet. 

Rikku looked down at her side, “Mmm-what? No, I’m not. Yunie patched me up good.” 

Auron stared at her, one russet eye affixed to hers. She curiously peered back at him, sensing the air shift.

Auron took a step back, pushing his glasses firmly in front of his eyes. “I- I apologise.” 

“Wh-what?” Rikku was befuddled. She had never heard Auron sound so reticent, so ill at ease. “No, I want to apologise again- I only almost died because I didn’t prepare malboro proof armor for everyone- you and me both." She earnestly tried to meet his eyes, "You're the one who took on a malboro by yourself. And  _ I’m  _ sorry.” 

He looked away from her, then turned to the side, gesturing her down the hall. 

She came to stand in front of him, “I didn’t mean- no, that’s not right. I meant to hurt you, but I am sorry I did it.” 

“Rikku,” Auron turned to her with a strange tightness in his voice. 

“I was just- just mad, you know?" She cast her eyes down, ashamed. Her own words stung. She tried to show him that her reason was good. "There were better ways…to figure out…'cuz I didn’t know you had a secret plan.” 

Aurons face twitched a little, then it fluxed into softness, “You were protecting Yuna. I respect that.” 

Rikku felt the lick of fire bat inside her and felt wetness. She turned to the bathroom, scolding herself, that’s all it takes, huh? 

But she felt too slick, and sensing something wasn’t what she had thought, she looked down. 

In a thin smear between her thighs was blood. “Wough, I guess that answers that question.” She said, then looked back up at Auron. “That’s whatcha meant, huh?” 

She couldn’t see most of his face and he jerkily nodded. “Yes.”

“This isn’t a thing a potion or a cure spell can fix-” She squinted at him. She thought, he couldn’t be…embarrassed? She would have investigated further, but she really had to pee. Plus, she didn’t want to make him feel even more bad than she had already, (if he was, in fact, embarrassed) so she tacked on, lightly, “Just so you know.” 

Auron, tilted his face down into his collar and two small puffs of air exited him. She wasn’t sure if it was a laugh. 

* * *

When she went back to bed, Yuna was up, changing the sheets, and Lulu was awake, but Auron was no longer at the door. The barest of lights eased open the darkened eyes of the morning. 

Yuna went to hug her, “Praise be to Yev-...” she swallowed the rest of the prayer and inspected nice, fresh Rikku, all washed and wearing a linen as her clothes dried. 

“What happened?” Lulu asked. 

“I went to go to empty my tank, and then needed to wash my clothes, and me, but I got real tired so I didn’t want to wait for them to dry-” 

Yuna made a sound of complaint, “Mmph! She means when we left.”

“Auron and I had a fight, and then I said some stuff and that was really bad, but a malboro came up- outta no-where! Then Auron was like ‘rar’ and the malboro was like ‘blootle blargh’ and then I sorta, well- fell on my claw? And I thought I was gunna die having made Auron mad. I apologised to him, but I'm going to work on just making sure I don't assume some stuff- maybe talk about some other stuff so, yeah, we'll see.” 

When she was done shaking her head at Rikku’s story telling, Lulu asked, "Did he forgive you?”

Rikku looked at Lulu, and tilted her head questioningly. “Well- he doesn’t need to. I’ll just work to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. Hurts up here take longer than hurts in your body to heal. Can’t expect everyone to jump back up after a phoenix down [7.].” She smiled, really tired but knowing she made Yunie, and Lulu, and possibly Auron, very worried so she wanted to show them that she still was the merriest.

“We’re getting ready for the race that Tidus will have later.” Yuna said, watching Rikku closely, switching from inspecting her for any signs of further injury and looking at her face.

“When?” Rikku asked, excited, but sleep was pulling at her eyes. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll come and wake you to watch.” Yuna said.

Rikku yawned. “Thaaa-t’s awesome.”

Yuna folded a blanket open and moved Rikku into the bed. It was the last one she’d see for the next couple days.

* * *

Tidus had beaten the chocobo trainer on his first try, but lost in points. He did so well on his first run he had attracted a crowd, and was told to wait for a re-match by the Travel Agency owner. 

Rikku was woken by Lulu for the second race, and while disappointed, admitted she needed sleep. Lulu had brought her clothes, and was sure to press the black magic sphere carrying Thundaga into her hands.

Rikku visited the bathroom to once again prepare to travel while bleeding. She didn’t think her shed’d last too long. It never did when she was on missions or training, and already she was only spotting. The malboro’s bad breath must have accelerated her inner rhythm.

She bounded out of the Agency, directly into the table where the Al Bhed proprietor, Minnaja, stood. 

Minnaja usually operated with the policy, ‘out of sight, out of mind’ for summoner groups, and Yuna’s party was no different.  She was an expert at discretion, despite her bold display of her body on a route that saw mostly Yevonite Pilgrims. Circuitry tattooed on stomach and between her breasts only highlighted her elegance, Rikku thought.  She was wearing her goggles to keep out the sun, but Rikku imagined her laugh reached her pale green eyes.

“Rikku! Hah! [ _ Good to see you’re up and ticking again. You have some visitors. The envoy elder Cid sent to keep watch, that little Davved, he had sent a message... in case you needed further aid.] _ ” 

She tilted her pointed chin over to a table, propped up on supply crates, past the telescopes and cast spheres that had been brought out of storage for the race. A surprisingly large amount of people were scattered about the lawn to watch the chocobo race that would go quite a distance across the Calm Lands.

Several Al Bhed were seated at the table Minnaja had pointed her to. They rolled cigarettes and laughed at side-long looks they were thrown by some of the attending Calm Land Pilgrims. A speeder was parked behind them, within throwing distance. Machina guns and weapons were set down, but lain by their sides. Merc’s, every one, Rikku quickly measured.

But the lawn of the Agency was packed full of the exotically robed _ ,  _ the church covered _ and _ the Al Bhed people. Rikku having never seen such a mix, took a moment to appreciate such a colorful and in her opinion, amazing sight, “Woah!” 

Rikku greedily looked at the books and chests set out under the table, “Minnaja-  _ [are you taking bets?]” _

_ “[Word spread fast after Tidus nearly won this morn’. Everyone was sent for to watch the midday race. A Nomad clan was nearby and wanted in on the bets I took for yur wans o'er yonder.]  _ Pride and pleasure radiated out of Minnaja when she said, _ "[Have t’ tell you in the interest of fairness:  _ Clíodna  _ hasn’t been beaten- ever.]”  _ Clíodna, or Clo for short was the Chocobo trainer, Rikku remembered. 

“[ _ Are you in for a gil or in for a chest?]”  _ Minnaja asked casually. 

_ “[What are the stakes?]”  _ Rikku thumbed open her inventory. She was absolutely going to bet that Tidus would win, and she knew how to hedge her bets. They didn’t call her  _ ace  _ for nothin’. Mostly it was because she had an ace or two up her sleeve, but hey- she knew how to play fair, too. 

“Rikku!” Tidus waved at her and weaved through cheerful people with food and drink in their hands. He made a contrite expression and held up his hands to excuse himself as he made his way. Charmingly waving and dodging ones who wanted his attention. 

Rikku quickly paid up as Minnaja entered her bets in a small calc-sphere. Spotting Auron’s red coat out of the corner of her eye she let out a small squeal, and helped Minnaja swipe her deposit into the chest.

“Rikku! You’re okay! That’s great!” Tidus slammed a hand down on Rikku’s shoulder and shook her. He smiled at Minnaja, saying in broken Al Bhed,  _ “Ec _ every  _ drehk nayto-h  _ [Is everything ready]? _ Cusahhh- baubma yna kaddehk  _ antsy.[Because people are getting antsy] ** _._ ** _ ” _

Minnaja laughed and clapped her hands. Rikku beamed with pride. 

“Eh heh, sorry!” Tidus scratched the back of his head.

“No- No! It’s perfect!” Rikku hugged him and Auron appeared next to her. 

“This is a mad house.” Auron sounded grumpy. 

Minnaja crossed her strong arms over her mostly bare chest, and Rikku noted that her breasts seemed to have more cleavage. Maybe a fashionable Al Bhed look could make it’s way into her wardrobe before a Lulu look did, Rikku thought, it might be more practical.

“[ _ Oh look, it's you. It's not mad to have fun. Sheesh. _ ] _ ”  _ Minnaja turned to Tidus, smiling kindly holding up two fingers, “We start in one  _ pohlyml _ [8.]. "

Tidus nodded, smiling. Then with his fist raised, he covered his mouth, muttering,“Yeah, I don’t know what that word is." 

Rikku whispered back, "Unit of time. Lots of math. Forget about it." 

"Fifteen minutes, okay?” Minnaja said, beckoning a bet maker forward. 

"I’ll get ready-" Tidus reassured Minnaja and they moved aside out of line. Remembering what he had forgotten, Tidus started, "Oh hey, Yuna’s got the best spot in the house. Wakka, Lulu and Kimarhi are guarding her now. Lulu told me you were up but I just wanted to see how you were, and maybe get your advice on something.” 

Auron loomed behind them. 

Rikku made a nervous tittering sound, “Ye-yeah sure.” She turned to Auron, “Uhhh- is there something you needed?” 

“I came to make sure you weren’t going to get in trouble, or do something reckless.” 

“ME, reckless?” Rikku put up her hand. “Uh, no way!” 

Rikku then turned and grabbed Tidus’ arm, hissing, as she pushed him away from Auron and towards the round table, “[ _ Let’s just keep that bet I made to ourselves,] _ okay?" She hunched down, trying to impress the secrecy upon him unmistakably. “Because if that’s what you were gunna ask my advice about let’s just say I put you down for a couple hund-o.” 

Poking her head out around Tidus’ side, she stared at the heavily armed group who had spotted her. The men, clad in fire proven black and poisonously bright colors, stood up at attention.

She was annoyed now that her initial excitement from the party atmosphere wore off. She pressed her lips together, wondering why her Pops was so worried, and if he really was, judging him suspect to not have come himself. 

Tidus lifted his arm and then turned to see what she was looking at. 

She flapped her hand for the men to stay where they were, and stood up straight. She tapped Tidus’ shoulder to stop him from waving at the men jerkily. He had recognized them, too.

“Is it about Yunie?” She put her hands together, begging for that to be the case.

“I was gunna ask about the race.”

Rikku hung her arms down and swung them. “Aww- what?”

Tidus, mistaking her disappointment, “Yeah! Wakka’s got blitzball on the brain, and Auron told me ‘Figure it out, 'star player'.’” Tidus waved his hand, and with his shrugging shoulders asked, ‘Can you believe that?’ 

She shook her head, she couldn’t believe she ever thought this dummy was dreamy. She was getting Brother flashbacks. “Just snatch as many balloons as you can, even if you think that it might take longer aiming for them. It’s better that Clo not get ‘em okay? The gulls are going to be in the same spots 'cuz of their nests. Now, are you gunna ask Yuna for a favor? Like in the old stories?” 

Tidus was leaning forward, listening intently while she told him the strategy, but his eyes darted up to look behind her. She suspected then he wasn’t paying attention to her idea for Operation: romance and  _ temydyhd vaamc [3.]  _ for Yunie. 

She turned her head around, and saw Auron behind them.

Rikku huffed, giving Auron the side-eye, switching to Al Bhed,“[_Always butting into our plots-]” _she elbowed Tidus, _“[Good thing you’re getting better at _Al Bhed_, huh?]_”

She realised Auron wasn’t spying on them, his head was turned and his glare was laid upon a heavily robed man with a weathered face, red from drink. She recognised him too, but she didn’t know why Auron seemed so intense about staring down  _ that  _ rule loving weirdo. 

“Uh Rikku,” Tidus looked like he was getting a bit overwhelmed.

The bored man, who was supposed to be guarding the ledge on the mouth of the Scar, hesitantly kept darting glances at Auron. Then, he hurried away into another group, face in his mug of  _ paan  _ [beer 9.] _ . _

“Just make Yunie think she’s gunna help you win, kay? Now go!” Rikku slapped his back.

Tidus started running in place and then shouting, “Hey okay wish me luck, gotta get by!” He waved and smiled and riled up the crowd as he ran to get to the start line. 

Rikku put a finger under her lip, and smiled, thinking Tidus had to have been good at being famous in Zanarkand. But then, Davved, the posted envoy, came up and saluted her. 

“Rikku,” Davved said seriously.

She waved his salute away, “Ugh _ , [I’m not actually the elder- so salute your real captain. Why didn’t father come himself?]” _

“ _ [He- uhh,] _ ” Davved glanced at Auron and then shuffled his feet.

Rikku narrowed her eyes.

“[_He wanted to display a show of force in case some --_]” he twitched his hands, “[_had forgotten that they were not only protecting the _Lady Summoner.]”

Rikku was incensed, “ _ Ffffryd _ [What]? ”

Quickly, putting his hands up and shaking his head, he pointed, his voice rising in pitch, “[ _ They used to be your men, and volunteered to leave the Farenheit’s wreck docking. _ ]” 

One of the men, Runnad, a stocky man, bald save his thick yellow muttonchops, came to place his brawny arm around Davved. His usual bicep-long gloves were off.

“[ _ They uhh also aren't techs-- aren't needed to help repair the airship _ .]” Davved finished awkwardly. 

“Rikku,” Runnad smiled and beat a hand over his chest once, “[ _ Good to see that you’re alright].”  _

Runnad had been one of the merc’s that had really only listened to displays of power. He used to run with her pops back in the day, so he was never quite hostile to her, but he was challenging. He was the one who had threatened Tidus at knife point when they found the dope starving to death in Baaj before this whole pilgrimage and summoner snatching started. She was able to keep him in line, but he kept her on the ropes. 

She shook her head, swiping her hand and making a swift motion she stated, “[ _ I’m fine. Is there anything else?]”  _

Aekyyn, a few years older than Gippal was when he left for his Crimson Squad mission, came up from the group. Aekyyn only reminded her of Gippal because he was handsome, almost the same age, and good with guns, but he was nothing like her childhood crush. 

He pulled off his full face mask and smiled down at Rikku, raising his dark blonde eyebrows like he was going to surprise her. Without salute, he handed her a paper from a respectful distance, far enough that he had to bend so it could reach her, but short enough that his arm didn’t extend all the way. 

“Yeah - here is _ irr dra [ _ uhh the _ ] _ list. List of question.  _ Dra _ [the] Tech need.” His accent was thick, but he was trying hard. 

Rikku smiled at him, “Heyyy- you’ve been studying.” 

Aekyyn smiled and nodded confidently, then looked like he had swallowed something unpleasant.

Rikku shot a glance behind her at Auron who was standing there, not doing anything she could see which was more menacing than his general presence. Despite being a hair or two shorter than her bald pops, he often projected a behemoth presence. She didn’t think it was on  _ purpose. _

She turned back to the man who had learned the common tongue to impress her, and gave him a compliment, “Good for you, Aekyyn-”

Aekyyn put his hands behind his back and looked down, straightening his posture and widening his stance as if she had given him a military merit.

Kulli and Hanzo, still at the table, wooped and catcalled. Hanzo was still wearing his googles, but Kulli, ever the risky free diver, had his atop his bright blue bandana. 

“[_Okay okay, enough you two,]” _but they continued guffawing. She came over to the table and smiled sweetly.“Oi Hanzo,_ [how’s] _Fiulla_?_”

Fiulla, the port manager, had rebuffed all of shy Hanzo’s advances, and it took him a few tides to figure out that Fiulla was more into  _ machina _ than any man.

She felt a little mean, as Kulli sang a peal of laughter on cue, back handing Hanzo’s arm. But Hanzo snapped his mouth shut, and Kulli was sufficiently distracted.

“Yeah yeah, _ [move your  _ crap-ola _ and let me take a look real quick _ .  _ I don’t want to miss the]  _ race.” 

Auron stood around. People gave the group a wide berth. She flicked through the drawings and problems, scratching the best way to get the engines back online with the Travellers Sphere.

The crowds energy started to shift, and her old crew’s chit chat turned to the fiends they ran into on the way to the Calm Land Agency. Minnaja’s voice projected at the same time Rikku remembered to bring out her own dutifully demarcated map. 

“Awww-” Rikku strained to see over the heads, bending and wiggling so she could spot slivers of the screen for a second. Tidus was on Beau, waving at the start line. “Awww!” She cried, pulling out her maps.

“You want _du _[to] watch?” Aekyyn said. He pushed his hair that had flopped on his forehead, sans mask, back. She thought concern made him look sweet. 

Rikku shook her head, shooting a pout at Auron, “No, [ _ I gotta map these diagrams out.]”  _ She raised her voice pointedly, “I have a very strict timeline to adhere to.” 

“We’re already behind.” Auron sounded disgruntled and eyed Runnad as the older man moseyed over. Runnad, arms crossed over his purple sleeveless shirt, stood very close to Auron, an arms distance away. 

“Can’t send diagrams very well over the comm-sphere, can I?” Rikku laughed nervously and leaned backwards on her stool to swat at Runnad’s knee scrunching her nose at him and making quick head chopping motions.

He looked down at her, scowling. 

She pulled herself back up. “Hey you all should [_look at my notes_ _on_ _my map_].” It wasn’t a suggestion.

“Huh? Your map?” Aekyyn came to stand near her, where she had laid it out for them to see. He placed his hand near hers and she glanced at his well formed arm, clear tan line highlighting his deltoid.

“[ _ I’ve mapped out where fiends are populating- you may be able to get some good loot if you visit here,]”  _ she pointed, dragging her finger flirtatiously over Aekyyns fingertips, “[- _ but the coeurls have taken up residence in the grass here.]”  _ She pointed to another place on the map and Aekyyn trailed after her hand, like he was following the location very closely. 

She struggled not to smile too big at his playful behavior.

Davved, eyes hidden from plain sight, caught her attention by rubbing his chin, and nodding too quickly. When she noticed him, he suddenly seemed very interested in the map than nodding. 

Rikku pointed at him, so he would have to look at her, “ _ [I was going to add this to  _ Davved’s _ pack of info, but I just-],” _ she narrowed her eyes, _ “[-didn’t-],”  _ she squinted, _ [-have time.]”  _

Davved's one slow nod continued downwards until he was nearly nose planted in the map. 

Rikku didn’t have time to deal with her Pops cactuar-brained ideas, but she scoffed loudly, letting Davved know that she  _ knew,  _ and the jig was up. 

Going back to work as the men copied her notes on their map, she half listened to the announcements, desperately wanting to see when collective reactions hissed and respired through the crowd. 

She scribbled, full tilt for the duration of the long race, but she couldn’t help but look up as the crowd roared. People were on their feet shouting, chanting as the race came to an end.

“Ahhh, I can’t see!” She cried. 

She bit her lip and nearly broke the pencil as Minnaja announced that Tidus nearly got a bird in his face. All the balloons wavering and thumping around him assuredly had to be difficult to manage. Beau was probably running so fast, Tidus’s eyes had to be watering, she thought, picturing it. 

She shouted, “Beau Go! Go Beau! You can do it!” 

The crowd was teetering between holding their breath and screaming.

Then, it erupted. 

Amidst the shouts and laughter, there were many cries of -“Oh noooo!” “What!?”

“Our  _ challenger  _ crosses the finish line [ _ triumphantly]! _ Tidus holding many balloons! Challenger wins?!” Minnaja announced, shocked.

“HA-A!” Rikku jumped up and down.

Aekyyn held out a hand to high five her and when she clasped it he brought her in for a hug. 

She liked hugging people. She missed it, so when he took a little longer than necessary to release her she let him. She felt a little curl of response in her lower back, as his hand brushed the gap between her shorts and shirt, but it was replaced with stark cramping pain. 

She let out a sound and didn’t quite manage to disguise her discomfort.

“What is wrong?” Aekyyn was concerned again.

It must have shown on her face, she thought. Auron was beside her and then so was Runnad. 

“Are you finished?” Auron demanded. 

“It’s just my [ _ monthly shed _ .]” Rikku said to Aekyyn, “Poison [ _ made the blood time come on pretty fast, I think _ .]” Also, nearly dying, but she kept that idea to herself. 

Runnad asked, giving a quick glare to Auron, “[ _ Do you have the teas you need? _ ]”

“Uhh,” Rikku started. She may have ran out when things got soaked in Via Purifico.

Aekynn slapped his forehead, “Ah- I should have remembered  _ du  _ bring! Hanzo, do you- do you [ _ ugh- do you have any of the weeping bark for Rikku’s blood time?] _ ”

Auron shifted one of his shoulders, as Hanzo shook his head patting his cargo pants. 

“Really guys- it’s fine.” Rikku started rolling up maps, intending to take hers and place the notes on repairs safely in the map notes she left for them on fiends.

Kulli, grinning wolfishly, eyes riveted to Auron said, “No- we have no  _ blood _ time medicine for you, Rikku.” His accent clipped every word. “But you dumb asses forgot that Minnaja runs a  _ fucking _ ‘Inn’- that’s what you bloodletters call it, right?” Kulli sucked down more of his cigarette and tilted his head upwards, as he used his fingers to give quotation marks. 

Auron shifted his feet like he was digging in the ground. 

“Hey! Hey!” She put her hand up on Aurons chest and out at Kulli. "Kulli, _ [could ya cool it? _ ]" 

Auron would never draw steel for- Rikku bit her own consolation off with a smack down from her own memory: a deuces card that read, ‘Drew sword on Tidus’. 

“[_This _Yevonite_ watches with hatred, mistrust. The bloodletter is worried that we’ll sully his ‘possession’. How can you stand to travel with_ _this_-]” Kulli got up. 

Auron tensed. 

“Hey!” Rikku shouted, fierce. “[ _ You sit right back down - he’s my friend. He’s not just some  _ Yevonite-  _ he’s  _ the Yevonite _ that kicked  _ Sin’s ass  _ with  _ Uncle Braska _ , and you want to bait him? You’re being purposefully rude, riling him up. You best remember that I saved your _ dumbass  _ from a pack of piranhas and I might not do it again-]”  _ Kulli sat back down. _ “[Well, I’d do it again, but you’re treading sand here,  _ buster _ !]”  _

_ “[And you!]”  _ She whirled on Runnad, who had been purposefully bulging his arms, his hands tucked up in his pits. He dropped them. 

“[ _ Don’t make me show you ‘how alike fiends and people are in death’- you know I’m faster.]”  _ She quoted his threat he had made to Tidus, shaking her fist.

“[ _ Hey,]  _ Rikku,” Aekynn said, looking at the crowd of faces turned to their group. 

Rikku curled her lip, at the gawkers and snapped to the envoy. “Yo, Davved.” She put a hand on her hip and Davved snapped to attention.  _ “[I know you’ve been keeping tabs on me for father and you better tell him to leave it to the professionals- alright? And stop threatening my friends!]”  _

Davved saluted.

She turned to Auron, “C’mon- we gotta go and meet Tidus and them.” She pushed Auron and met with the slightest resistance before he un-dug his boots and started forward in the crowd. 

The crowd parted and she caught his sleeve, two light tugs, “Gunna go collect my winnings, hang on.” 

“I’ll accompany you.” Auron said evenly.

She tapped on peoples backs, and they moved unquestioningly out of her way until some nomadic people turned to her with wine colored eyes and waited to see what she wanted. She sweetly said, “Excuse me, I have a pilgrimage to get underway?" they glanced behind her at Auron and stepped away from the table. 

Minnaja tsked at Rikku, her plains accent thick with mirth or mead Rikku didn't know, “[ _ Could hear that from a’oar here, away runnin’ out are you? Do you need anything from my stores or’re ye set?]”  _ The Al Bhed woman gave her a knowing smile as she smacked a bag of gil down on the table.

Rikku swiped it and tossed it up, appraising the amount. She knew Minnaja would never cheat her, but it was always good to show she was fastidious. 

“ _ [I’m good],  _ Minnaja _ .” _

Minnaja tucked her lips in, trying not to smirk, but her abdominal muscles bulged with secret laughter, “[ _ Think you broke that young merc’s heart, not even shoutin' a goodbye at him.”] _

She shrugged, “[ _ Two hellos makes for no bitter-byes. [ _ ** _10._ ** _ ]”  _

She held up her winnings to Auron, rattling it as she moved past him. “Look we can cross off one of those treasure hunts I was talking about. It’ll probably make up for the hours we lost today.”

Auron “Hmm”’d and she folded the bag up tight to squirrel away in her inventory. 

They left the Agency lawn to meet with their group, who had watched with some others on the race line. 

As soon as she saw him, Rikku ran to Tidus shouting, “You and Beau did it, you got the balloons!”

Tidus embraced her and picked her up. He spun her while Yuna jumped a little, bringing her hands together. Wakka raised a fist and celebrated all over again, startling an unfamiliar tawny chocobo, who set off Chu-ju and Sannam. Kimahri growled and took the leads from Wakka, shaking his head. Wakka laughed, properly admonished and patted the tawny chocobo reassuringly.

Lulu was smiling, “Look, he won something as well.” 

Tidus drew out a gold ring, metal rods bursting out of the sides like the grass radiance she had made for Kimahri. It was small, lined with incisions that reminded her of circuitry. 

She squinted at it. As she looked at it in Tidus’ hand, she felt her eyes dilate with focus, the sun getting too bright as the copper reflected daylight. 

“Can I see it?” She pulled up her goggles.

“Yeah- but hey, I kinda found something similar back on Besaid.” Tidus said, plopping the thing in her hands, reaching behind into his inventory.

It felt too heavy for its size, and her fingertips tingled as she ran her chipped green nail along it’s etchings. She decided that it definitely was ancient circuitry. Tidus produced another small silvery disk, engravings strongly reminiscent of moon phases. It cooly reflected midday light.

Yuna gasped. “My moon!” She put her hands down as fists, looking at him with eyebrows drawn up, like she had been deceived and didn’t know why.

Rikku snatched it quick before anything else happened.

“What?” Tidus said, looking at Yuna with concern. 

“I hid it as a little girl, to keep safe. I buried it in my secret beach! How did you find it?” Yuna’s expression was a little amazed.

Tidus stuttered, “I- uhh, think it got washed up?"

Noting that the circuitry patterned through both  _ were voltaic _ , Rikku made a thrilled sound that wiggled through her whole body. 

“Do you know what these are?” Lulu asked, surprised. 

“These are for Celestial Weapons!” Rikku was elated, laughing.

She met with head scratches and shakes, and blank stares. Only Auron grunted and sighed, clearly unhappy. 

She waved them around. “The sun and moon of the Sun and Moon lost Celestial Weapons!” she handed the sun to Tidus and the moon to Yuna with an expression of giddy joy.

Tidus accepted his, mirroring her excitement, “Alright!” Then, he looked to Yuna. “What’s a celestial weapon?” 

“Something we don’t need.” Auron said moving towards the chocobos standing around Kimahri. 

“Uh- they’re only the most powerful weapons ever!” Rikku moved her arms frantically- she was losing them again!

“Lord Ohalland used a Celestial weapon.” Lulu said, thoughtfully. 

“Didn’t Lord Ohalland use a Blitzball?” Wakka said, incredulous. 

“Come. We’ve dallied long enough.” Auron said, putting a hand on Sannam. 

“That’s Sannam, Auron,” Rikku said and when he just looked at her, she clarified, “Kimahri rides Sannam.” 

Sannam poked Auron with her beak gently, seeing if he had any of the treats she liked. Kimahri produced a nut. Sannam gently plucked it out of his claws. 

“Right, let’s get this over with.” Auron said. 

“Hey, can I make a cha-?” 

“No.” Auron held out his hand for a chocobo lead and Kimahri dutifully gave him Beau’s.

“Auron!” Rikku stomped her foot. 

He turned to Rikku, “How do I ride this bird?” 

Beau let out a worried trill.

Rikku ran forward, knowing that he was probably distracting her, “It’s okay, Beau!” She turned to Auron, “First you say  _ hi _ \- Chocobo’s are sensitive.”

Tidus watched worriedly from where he was helping Yuna mount the tawny chocobo. Wakka was determined to help Lulu fully but couldn’t quite suppress the twinkle in his eye. 

“Okay, you gotta get on nice and slow after you pat him to show ‘im- you’re -hey!” Rikku was picked up by Auron and put on Beau. 

Auron rubbed Beaus neck briefly as Rikku sat agog, more disappointed that she responded by placing her legs properly than upset that Auron had just  _ picked her up _ . She was betrayed by her own self!

Beau looked at Rikku, with one blue eye and whistled. She smiled and sighed- “Yeah-p, looks like we got nooo choice in the matter Beau. Big Red’s just makin’ decisions everywhere it looks like.” She pet Beau on his head and ignored Auron. 

But his gloved hands and sudden movement startled her. With less grace than she had ever seen, he swung himself on the chocobo heavily. Both the chocobo and she made startled sounds, trying to balance themselves. 

Beau was only so big, and Auron was so much  _ more  _ than she had anticipated. Her ribbons were caught under him, too. She struggled to free herself so that her ribbon rivets on her shoulder blades weren’t scraping against his chest plate.

Wakka said, “You okay over there?” Lulu turned her ear towards Rikku, and merely placed her left hand gently on Wakka’s leg. 

“Leave now.” Kimahri said from Sannam. “Sun is low.”

“Hey uhh, we can’t go too fast, okay- Beau’s had a hard day.” Tidus said, riding the tawny chocobo up to Beau.

“And whose fault was that?” And that’s when Rikku felt Aurons voice.

“Little stuck here!” Rikku said, more dizzy than she’d like. She would have had to reach behind her and blindly search for her ribbons near Aurons inner thighs. 

“Hn,” Auron let her some slack. 

She gasped for air as if she had been holding it, righting herself. Rikku tried to create space, moving her butt up as far as was permissibly balanced for Beau. Rikku realised, it wasn’t much. They were a hairsbreadth apart. 

She resigned herself to being ultra stiff and sore for the whole day as they departed and tried to convince herself to pretend it was no big deal sharing Beau with Auron. At least, she had the forethought to imbue her soap this morning with her preciously rationed essence of  _ lnaucuda _ [ Creosote 11.].

* * *

The canyon that led down into Shiva’s brambly Macalania forest was warmer than the plains had been. 

The umbral spectre of evening had encroached quickly, and they had time to break camp in the shelter of the mesa before the canyon. It protected them from the southern wind that ripped at them from the open spaces beyond the Pilgrims path, but Gagazet muttered even in the barest breezes. 

Auron had driven Beau hard, but was good enough to recognize that Beau had spent most of his rambunctious energy on the race this morning. After Auron steadied the pace, she had realised that even at this trot, they whizzed by the small fry. 

Rikku was lamenting she had gotten chocobo sick when she attempted to do some work, edgy from doing nothing. The only thing she did was wallow in her cramps and avoid touching Auron on Beau. “I still can’t believe that I wasted a whole day-” Rikku moaned. She believed she had wasted it two-fold, thinking she could have leaned into her guilty daydream and just enjoyed the ride, relaxed against Auron, and again for what she felt was the thousandth time that day told herself she had wasted enough time dreaming about  _ that _ . 

“Don’t say that. It was fun.” Yuna said, having learned riding posture, commands, and how to canter. Rikku had been spot checking Yuna and Tidus and had seen Yuna’s neck pink as Tidus guided her hands and moved her hips. 

“Fun for some people, maybe.” Wakka said, rubbing his butt and wincing as he wobbled to the fire, having watered Chu-ju. “Acchh, my butt is gunna be sore forever.” 

“Ohh, get over it Wakka! We made great time.” Tidus said, looking at Yuna with a honey slow smile. Yuna blushed a smile in return.

Rikku watched intently, a grin threatening to pop out full blast as she took out more materials for improving their gear. She managed to smother it down to a smirk as Auron eyed her warily. She shrugged one shoulder up wildly, and put her hand up to hide her dimples she felt might be giving her away. She eased into a much needed but exaggerated stretch. 

“Before I relieve Kimarhi and we settle in to dinner, I would like to suggest that we all accompany- ” Auron began.

Rikku cried out, “No!” before she could stop herself. 

The rest of the group turned to her, a little surprised. Rikku got up and crawled hurriedly over to Auron. He was kneeling by the fire and she placed her hands together.

“-We should accompany Tidus and-” 

Rikku made a ‘bzzt’ sound and curled her hand into Aurons haori saying loudly, “Can I have a word with you?” 

“I don’t see how-” 

“Please!” 

Wakka said, “Hey, it sounds like we already know your word and we ain’t leavin’ you two alone again. If you wanna fight it out, you betta fight it out here, ya?” 

Rikku turned to Wakka, blindsided. He looked at her sternly, his arms crossed. Lulu flicked her eyes at Wakka, a small grace to her lips. Tidus looked like he was going to start running in place any second and Yuna had covered her mouth.

Auron huffed, and Rikku waved her arms, “Heyyyy-” 

The group looked at her and she got up, “I’m just sayin’ we should stick to the original plan! And now that we know that there’s Celestial Weapons laying around in  _ real-our-lifetime _ life, we can’t afford to all be at the same place at the same time if we want to get things done! We can still be on track-”

Auron stood, “Very well,” he said politely, and then walked to where Kimahri was standing watch. 

The group was left with some awkward air. Rikku smoothed her fingers over on her braids and feathers. 

Yuna said, ever worried about the harmony of her guardians, “You should be a little nicer to Sir Auron. He’s just concerned about getting us…ensuring my pilgrimage…” Yuna folded her fingers over her thumb and pressed down on her lower lip. 

“I’m sorry.” Rikku apologized. She said sorry in the same way that she apologized to the group after Wakka had walked a whole day by himself in the snow because he learned she was Al Bhed. Though how he missed it before then was a Yevon blighted mystery to her. 

Tidus stepped in, crouching next to Yuna and putting a hand on her shoulder. He looked at Rikku, a scrunch to his nose and a twist to his mouth that belied his hesitation, “He was really worried about you.”

Rikku wasn't sure how that fit in this discussion but Wakka broke in with, “Eh, don’ worry Rikku. Sir Aurons not exactly nice to everyone all the time, not like Yuna. We just never wanna pick a fight with him.” 

Lulu said, “You’re persistent and stubborn, just like he is. I think saying sorry for interrupting him is all you need to say.” 

Kimahri came up to the group and crossed his arms. 

“It’s gunna be ready soon.” Wakka answered a question Kimarhi hadn’t asked, wincing as he stretched his leg muscles.

“There’s a few more minutes,” Lulu said, her eyelashes obscuring her eyes, speaking less about the subject Wakka changed to and more about what she felt was a good opportunity for Rikku. 

Rikku sighed heavily and swung her arms. She hopped over her mat of items and went to go and stand by Auron. 

She put her hands behind her and tried to look like she was watching the wind swept plains as intently as he was. 

There was a few minutes of silence except for the food that was being divided up among the others. She was hungry, but had no appetite.

She never used to have this much trouble talking to Auron. Before, it was just like- ‘Hey you want an apple? I stole it, but I don’t think you’ll rat me out.’ and he’d be like, ‘Are all memories to be left in the past, or just the dead?’ and then she’d talk, and forget about the apple. 

She rubbed her arm and glanced at his profile, his scar preventing her from seeing the direction he was looking. He stood there, unreadable and silent. 

She thought that Auron really was the only one that she told the truth to. She thought of him as a friend before Tidus had called her one. Auron was the one who had stuck up for her in the temple. He was the first one to make her feel useful and important, when Yuna, Lulu, and Kimarhi had sort of accepted that Wakka was only saying what everyone  _ knew _ about the Al Bhed. 

“Auron-?” 

“Hn.” 

“I’m sorry for interrupting you.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah-”

“I’m guilty of the same.” Auron said wryly, turning his head. 

“Oh.” She swallowed, wondering if reassuring him that they were friends would mean the same as it did to her. 

Auron turned to look back over the plains. There was a pause where she watched him tense his brows, crafting his words. “I realised today that you are used to people listening to you when you speak. I am used to the same. I have not been treating you as an equal, when you should be treated with all the deference that I am unfairly granted.” 

“Huh?” Rikku drew up her arms, and then put two of her index fingers together. This was not the way that she had thought her apology would go and wondered- was he saying that she was not given fair deference or that she was?

He let out a smooth breath. “I apologize if I made you uncomfortable today. I was impatient with you and placed you on the… on Beau.” 

Rikku sputtered and made sounds that she wasn’t in charge of processing, “Yeah you better be- I mean -what-”

“I also realise that my...presence at your table was not entirely… helpful.” 

“What? No!” She crossed her arms together to emphasize how much that wasn’t his fault. “That’s totally not-”

“You would interrupt me again, if you felt that it was necessary.” Auron seemed to switch gears, starting again with a point that she thought  _ he felt _ she missed but she  _ knew _ she did.

“Well-” she put her finger to her cheek, knowing the answer to the question he hadn’t really asked immediately. She would, and didn’t doubt it.

His voice was quiet but he moved his hand as he explained his observation.“I would interrupt you, and I think that is all that should matter. You see me as an equal and others do not see you as an equal to me. Which is why you were convinced to come and apologise to me.” 

Rikku rolled back on her heels, taken aback and processing what he said.

Auron continued, “You don’t have to apologise- it’s not true.” 

Rikku dug a toe into the grass, looking down. “I didn’t mean-didn’t want- to lie to you.”

“You felt that it was...necessary. To amend for making the group feel uncomfortable.” 

Auron’s coat sleeve blew in the gentle breeze that cascaded from Gagazet. Rikku brought up her arms and was happy despite the chill. 

They were quiet for a while, listening to the subdued sounds of conversation over dinner and for unnatural sounds in the grasses beyond. Rikku was thinking about what he said, and prepared her courage to ask him if they were friends. 

“Are you-” Auron started at the same time she sucked in a breath.

“Hm?” Rikku said after he didn’t finish, thinking maybe she didn’t hear him. 

He shifted, and his thumb flicked one of his fingers. She watched curiously and leaned forward to see if there was any other reaction she could use to figure him out. 

“Are you still... plotting with Tidus?” Auron finally asked. 

Rikku felt like a trap had sprung, she laughed nervously. “Eh-heh-whaa-?”

“I think that it is a good idea- if Yuna and Tidus were to grow close.” 

Rikku’s mouth gaped open and she threw a glance behind her. No one from the group had reacted like they heard, though she thought maybe Tidus was looking over. She did a double take and Tidus gave her a thumbs up, two fists raised like he was giving her permission to fight Auron.

She jumped in closer to Auron and hunched down conspiratorial, “How did you know?”

“For a master thief, you’re not very subtle.” 

Rikku laughed and playfully swatted him, “Hey- I’m the best at subterfuge. One time, when I was seven, I snuck on a mission to Luca. Pops didn’t discover I was in the air vents for three days.” She quieted, “Speaking of my dad- I am actually sorry about what Kulli said.” 

“Those were not your words.” 

“Pops put them up to it-”

“I gathered.”

Rikku put her hands on her hips, stumped on how Auron was so good at noticing these things.

“I can concede that putting Tidus and Yuna together is a good... plot. I would like to assist with this, but only if you will accept that I have my own reasons, and that I will not sacrifice the safety of the pilgrimage.” 

Rikku stuck out her hand, “Make it the safety of the group and I’ll shake on it, just so we can have a good alliance. If something goes wrong I’ll scratch my nose and we can fight it out in secret.” 

Auron looked down at her protruding hand and for a split second she thought he wasn’t going to take it. 

He moved his arm, and then Rikku, jubilance seizing her, took her hand back, “Wait! I only make alliances with friends. We’re friends, right Auron?” 

He turned to her fully. The moonlight fell upon his face and she thought she could picture his smile behind his collar. Tilting down his sunglasses to look at her, real humor in his expression, she thought he was beautiful. Her heart thudded rebelliously in her chest. 

Oh fayth and all that is holy, she tried out a prayer Yunie taught her, please don’t let him laugh at me.

“Friends don’t have to apologise for interrupting each other?” She added hurriedly- by way of explanation.

“Terms accepted.” Auron held out his hand and she grabbed it with both of hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really proud of this particular chapter. I’d really like to know your thoughts.
> 
> Al Bhed is spoken in Italics. The translation follows in brackets. Italicised words in brackets is Al Bhed said without translation because it doesn't add anything to the dialogue. The Words not in Al Bhed are not in Italics, like untranslatable words i.e. 'crap-ola' or borrowed words i.e. 'Yevonite' or words that the speaker code-switched i.e. Race
> 
> AN: Glossary 
> 
> 7\. 'can't expect everyone to jump back up after a Phoenix down': It's always been strange to me that in a world where Phoenix downs exist that also people prevalently die from mundane accidents (i.e. Rikku's mom whether or not that's canon or what she just tells people). For a world with a lot of death, there's gotta be phrases about the acceptance of preventative measures failing- and I think that the Al Bhed would have a particularly unique acceptance because they understand Sin is undeserved as all death is, whereas a person who was indoctrinated may have a more difficult time accepting this. Rikku however doesn't get this and says it like Yuna and Lulu know about it but haven't applied it to emotional reasons. 
> 
> 8\. Pohlyml [No translation but inspired by ‘parsec’]- Al Bhed measurement of time that is more distance of sun rotation. Droppin’ mad hints that Min and Clo know what the sun sigil is. 
> 
> 9.- Beer [Paan]: This ain’t your monk brewed beer. This is like a beer that was brewed for the express purpose of getting the most bang for your buck because there’s only so much room for luxuries on a ship. The Al Bhed also very rarely barrel age things because I believe that on the whole they’re an impatient lot. Paan, in its many forms, is sold in Luca and in small batches to discreet buyers in Bevelle. Minnaja and Clo just happen to make the finest red ale style paan this side of Home.
> 
> 10\. ‘two hellos make for no bitter byes’- Bunking in crowded ship quarters and avoiding death means you’re just saying hello to people and pretending if you don’t say good bye then you’ve not closed a relationship. Something to do with gambling. 
> 
> 11\. Creosote [lnaucuda] A desert plant that when it becomes wet produces a distinct smell unique to the desert. It is a mix of petrichor and a bittersweet smell that is quite cleansing to breathe in. Also, I think it sounds beautiful in Al Bhed.


	5. Unwrapped, Unsheathed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rikku thinks that a naked blade is a beautiful thing to behold, but for life’s dangers and the inevitability of times passage, people give sharp edges sheathes. The sheathe complements the shape, decorates it, even protects those who worry about cutting themselves and others from the reminder of it's being but Rikku always sees. A sheathe never hides the nature of the weapon from her.

Yuna had kissed Rikku’s forehead and whispered goodbye before dawn. Rikku, forcing her eyes open, as she pulled on her boots, waved goodbye sleepily to Tidus and Yuna. 

She tucked herself in against the cold, and watched them disappear from her line of sight at the mesa top. Dawn had watercolored away the stars from the edge of the world before she slid down from her perch.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Late afternoon came none too quickly, and Rikku was wallowing on the grass, bored out of her mind. They had broke for an early lunch and she had hit a wall with her customisation.

“Rikku, why don’t you try connecting with the black magic sphere?” Lulu said, sounding exasperated. 

“Ey- didn’t she turn into an unsent fiend in the Thunder Plains ‘cuz a that?” Wakka was tossing his ball back and forth, making it spin up and curve back to him.

Rikku sat up, her narrowed gaze fixed on Wakka. She was still wary of the brotherly but distant blitzer. His insensitivity over the explosion of Home hadn’t made her feel any more comfortable with him, and really only caused her to try to ignore him.

But it was his suspicious and guarded behavior of Yuna that had begun to aggravate her. Once he realised Tidus was probably in love with her, he had kept a very close watch and was always sure to find ways to keep a little distance between them. She was annoyed by his behavior and vexed by his absurd ideas of what constituted protection of Yuna. Now, Rikku wasn’t sure if he was trying to defend her, but he was butting into her business, just like he had butted into Yunies. 

He caught the ball with a small smile, completely oblivious to the withering power of her narrowed eyes.

She squinted her eyes at Wakka, scrunching her whole face. “I could!” Rikku crossed her arms.

“Then why don’t you?” Auron asked. There was a hint of a smirk in his voice, unseen, however, when she pinned him with a stare. 

“I’m-” she searched, “I’m tired- we caught fiends all day today! And I feel like I couldn’t focus on it if I tried. And I’m distracted by not getting treasure even though we totally _ could _have.” She let out a sigh and fell back onto the grass. “Also,” she stuck up her hand, “I need a bath.” 

“Whaaa-” Wakka said. “You took one yesterday- c’mon we’ve been through worse. Dat sand pit-” 

“I wouldn’t say I needed one unless it was important,” she railed at him. 

“Kimahri not see Yuna.” Kimarhi inserted his more pressing concern from the mesa top. “Kimahri go to Yuna.” 

“No!” Rikku said. “They’ve only been gone a half a day- and - and, I can see if I can contact them!” Rikku said, an idea she was blindly searching for seizing her. 

“How ya gunna do that huh?” Wakka said. 

“Just give me a minute, but hey if I pull it off, we go back to the Macalania pool and I get to bathe.” 

Lulu huffed and crossed her arms, and Kimahri switched his tail. Wakka looked to Auron and shrugged. 

Auron lifted his shoulder and waved his hand at Rikku.

“Alright!” Rikku scrambled up. “We gotta go in the canyon a bit to that Travelers Sphere, and maybe I can contact the Travellers Sphere near them, you know the one that’s at every Temple. It’s been _ talked _ about but I don’t know if anyone’s figured it out, but c’mon it can’t be that hard, am I right?”

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

It took more than an hour. Rikku would one day admit that it took more like two. Kimahri was harnessing Sannam so he could go to rescue Yuna, but a voice came over the sphere, garbled but clear. 

“Ri-u!” 

“Tidus?! Hey are you guys okay? You found it?” Rikku said.

“Y- Temp- good!” 

“Whaa-” Rikku leaned forward adjusting her wires and trying to calibrate the mess she’d made of the base of the sphere.

“-Bo Race! Sun-et-” It was a static infused Tidus alright, she thought.

“Chocobo race at Sunset?” Rikku speculated, deeply confused. Auron and Lulu leaned forward. 

“Ye-” Tidus sounded upbeat.

“Tidus, we’re not getting all the words-” she twisted the sphere and tapped the wires. She checked her parameters and coordinates and tried to refocus the lines. 

“How does she tell the difference between the wires?” Lulu asked quietly. Rikku was concentrated on her work, but wouldn't have known anyway how articulate the way the wires felt.

“Staying the night-” Tidus came in clearer and his face wavered in the sphere gel. 

Wakka whispered, “Woahhh-” and then louder, as he crouched down, too “-oooh, heyyy, no!” 

“Because the race -s at Sunset!--” Tidus was nearly completely clear, speaking slowly. 

Kimahri crouched down and stuck his talon in the sphere and Rikku hissed, “Stop!”

“--will be---oo late-- stay--Belge---Yuna’s -afe. D-’t worry.” Tidus’ voice blurred out.

“Okay! Loud and...er- not clear but gotcha!” Rikku said and before anyone could say anything else she spun the focusing sphere and the Travellers Sphere went quiet. 

She stood up, wiping her brow dramatically. “Whew- easy as pie.” 

Auron said, “I am not sure you can make pie, much less oats.” 

Rikku whirled on him, “How would you know, you didn’t even eat any.” 

“I didn’t need to.” Auron said and Lulu and Wakka laughed. Kimahri chuffed. 

Rikku stomped her foot, “Alright, alright- now who’s coming with me?”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

  
  


Rikku sighed happily, “Okay-” she began unbuckling her glove and targe. She set them down by the bend of a tree just before the water.

Auron walked very quickly to the side of the road bend where she was nesting her things. “Are you disrobing here?” He sounded angry again. 

“Well, yeah- not wearing robes, but yeah same diff.” Rikku said, starting to take off her boots.

“I cannot leave you alone. There are fiends and-! political turmoil spilling out of Bevelle.”

“Then don’t.” Rikku said and peeled off her socks and Auron shifted several times, visibly making a decision and then correcting his decision. 

Rikku eyed him, wiggling her toes a little before unlatching her inventory pocket, “If you’re uncomfortable, you can go stand over where - you know, we were at the camp.”

“That is too far.” 

“Alright.” Rikku stood up and began to unlatch her belt.

Auron hadn’t quite determined where the most preemptively protective place was to keep guard, and had paced to position himself to look at the road, and then turned to the surrounding forest. “Hng, Rikku!” Auron yanked his head backward as if she had struck at him and turned his back to her.

“Hey! You’re the one that said you were gunna stand here. I told you go stand somewhere else.” Rikku clutched at her shorts that she had begun to wrest off her hips.

“This is just off the main road!” Auron said lecturing with the full force of his glare, only she wasn't under the magnifying glass. 

Rikku sighed heavily, “Whatever. I don’t care. So, like, if it bothers you, keep a lookout.” Her shorts plopped to the ground.

Auron’s shoulders tensed like he was going whirl and shout at her, possibly about that word propriety that Lulu had lectured her about somewhere between the Thunder Plains and Guadosalam. She forgot what it was for exactly- eating, bathing, crawling around in the mud and clinging to peoples legs with your posterior up. Those were all included in Lulu’s lectures.

Lulu had decided to stay with Wakka and Kimarhi, citing the preparation of dinner. She would be roasting fresh game tonight. Kimahri wanted to stay at the camp to be closer to Yuna, in case something were to happen. Wakka was smart enough to realise that Rikku didn’t particularly want him around, and he was uncomfortable enough with the concept of bathing it seemed to her. 

She unbuckled her treated-leather shirt. She looked at Auron, who was turned staunchly to the road entrance. 

She smiled, and thought to herself that obviously he wasn’t used to getting in the spray room with a crew. “Didn’t you have to clean up with all the other monks or something?” 

Auron growled, “Yes.” 

She gave a small kick to her stuff, making sure they wouldn’t get splashed or too dirty. “Okay well I’m not completely undressed- it's like we’re at the beach or something. So it’s safe for you to keep an eye out for fiends where ever.”

It wasn’t like her undergarments were going to hide anything- but neither did her clothes, she felt. She said it mostly because she knew Yuna had once complemented an Al Bhed woman’s bright pink and white tactical bikini as a pretty ‘bathing suit.’ That had led to a conversation that gave Rikku reason to believe the absurdity of Yevon wasn’t limited to the temples. 

She went to the water’s edge, feeling her nipples pucker under the breast coverings that prevented the waterproof material from chafing too bad. They were a little sore and tender and she pressed on them so the change of temperature wouldn’t be too harsh.

She slipped into the water, enjoying the press of the smooth stones under her feet. Once she got far enough in to obscure her body, she pushed off to swim. 

She wasn’t stupid- it was obvious that Auron perceived the less dressed as something different, as dangerous. So, she made sure she was covered. She allowed the cool water to wash over her, soothing her tight joints and cramps, wishing it was warm. 

“So, what’s the difference? Well, I mean- you’re not bathing, so I guess that’s one.” Rikku tried to help him out, inviting him to provide a reason but softening her inquisition.

Auron, from his distance away, huffed so she could hear. 

She scrubbed the dirt and sweat off her body with her hands, regretting being so eager to get in the water that she forgot her soaps and oils.

“Hey, I’m all covered in the water. D’you think you can try to turn around long enough to just throw me soap out of my inventory? Promise I won't jump out at ya." She said loudly.

Auron shifted. 

Rikku watched for a second and then sank into the water, blowing bubbles. He didn’t move but she waited, because she really wanted soap. She wasn’t sure what the problem was if she was wearing what looked like a _ bathing _ suit and hiding. She ‘hmmed’ as she blew more bubbles, because admittedly not _ seeing _ hadn’t helped her control her _ vaamc _ [feels 3]. If he didn’t even want to look at her, then- she breathed in, too quickly, and sputtered as the water hit her lungs. 

She stood up gasping and coughing.

“Are you alright? I thought you knew how to swim.” Auron asked, his head turned so he could better hear, if not see.

“I do! Ugh - hey, Stuffy, you and Wakka are scared of girl parts, huh?” She was getting a little reckless, curiosity scrabbled at her as her skin tightened from the cold.

Auron rolled his shoulders, “No.”

“Well, fine but then what’s the difference? Just got no answer, huh?” She demanded, flirting with a rush as she splashed water in Aurons direction.

“You’re serious.” Auron said.

Rikku gave out a ha, and swished backwards, doing a little flip in the water. What did he think she was playing at? 

“Well, I didn’t mean it as a joke.” 

Auron didn’t move and she scrubbed the top of her head to get any travel dust out, she almost missed his voice say something like ‘impropriety’.

“Impropriety, huh- Lulu uses that word a lot when lecturing me. I don’t see how it’s any different than going to the beach or washing your bodies together.” Rikku felt annoyed he would be using that same meaningless catch-all, and it was a volatile combination with her giddy, mad desire to see Auron react. She said as innocently and as brightly as possible. “I think it’s because you’re worried about _ looking. _ You’re afraid of _ somethin _’.” 

Auron made a strained sound and tapped his fist over the pommel of his sword, “It is strange to me that it is a point of ignorance.” He turned and walked over to where she kept her inventory. 

She sank into the water, biting down on her smile and her surge of pep to cheer him on.

She watched him open her inventory and he brought out her bottle of soap. Then palming it, he lazily tossed it towards her. It plopped into the water and she darted forward to catch it but it sank. He leaned against a tree to her right, taking up a post that was easier for him to watch both the road and around the pool. 

“So- why?” Rikku said as she searched for the bottle with her feet. Auron sighed looking towards the road and then scanning the surrounding wood.

She dove down searching for her bottle, twirling around just to feel graceful. She was twitchy on land, but in the water she glided.

It was a long time before she resurfaced with the bottle.

“I cannot say that I have the answers you seek.” Auron finally said. She placed some soap in her hands and politely swam around to place the bottle on a branch as he continued. “I have not asked this particular ‘_ why’ _. Some bodies were forbidden to be thought of, or seen, as a monk, and the Church requires the disguise of all bodies. We protected those who were deserving of protection, from ourselves and others.” 

She started to rub the soap in her hands, kicking so she was above the water line, hanging on Aurons every word. 

“In Zanarkand, it was much different.” Auron flicked his eyes over to her, and tilted his head thoughtfully. “That is why you did not include the boy in your assessment of ‘fear of girl parts’?”

Rikku chirped, “Tidus doesn’t care really- goes into the locker room all the time-” scrubbing skin and sweat off her lower back.

“Not with women-”

“Yes, with women- women are great blitzball players and they use the locker rooms-” Rikku was speaking from her first hand knowledge of the Al Bhed Psyches. She didn’t know it was an overgeneralisation of a little known fact. “Why do women being there matter?” Rikku asked, indignant.

Auron’s head was turned to the road, keeping a diligent watch but his voice was once again sardonic, “Al Bhed men and women just show their naked bodies freely to each other with no regard for marriage, age, or untoward desires?”

Rikku placed her hands on her face, rubbing her cheeks and forehead, “Wha-? No! It’s just- different. It’s like- a bath is a bath. A body is a body. Desire and control is a personal problem- it’s not like we don’t have _ manners _.” She glared at him.

He scoffed at her, “That cannot be true to the extent to which you say.”

“It is!” Rikku protested, slapping her hands down on the water.

“That is dangerous. You may know how to fend off unwanted advances but it cannot be true for every young girl.” He sent her a stern look.

Rikku felt confused and then sick. “You really do think we’re- we’re _ barbarians. _” She looked at him and for a second saw what Kulli and Aekyyn saw.

Auron became annoyed, clicking his tongue against his teeth, “You are not exposed to common situations. Your status and skills protect you.” He tossed his hand up at her and went to go and look through the trees, cocking his head to look closely out at the road.

Rikku wanted to yell at him, that he didn’t know what he was talking about, but a plate in his reasoning was loose and her curiosity she found had claws. “Why are _ you _ so worried about looking at _ me _like this, then, huh?” She gestured to herself, but he wasn’t looking.

“It’s respectful for me to avert my gaze. It would be considered inappropriate for me to look at you if we were not- involved. People would think of you differently.” She thought he may have said something else but there was a sour note as he finished.

“But not of you?” She retorted to clarify. He said nothing and further abrading her, he did not look at her. She thought of what Kulli had spat out at Auron, how closely Auron guarded her at the table- and the more she looked at it in this frame the more indignant and furious she became. 

She sunk her body down into the water to rinse, spitting out words in a clumsy attempt to pin down why she was outraged. “Why are monks and the Temples so worried about people’s bodies and rules if there’s nothing bad gunna happen ‘cuz of monk training and ‘disguise’ clothes?” The rules that Auron spoke of did not just apply to Al Bhed men, it was clear to her that it applied to him, too and he was worried about _others. _She was trying to goad him into responding so she could understand what she was straining to grab a hold of.

“It prevents illusions of intimacy and clearly disinvites unwanted advances.” Auron said sounding strange and less sure, still looking beyond the trees. 

“So nothing bad ever happens- and as long as women and men cover themselves then men and women never lose control.” Rikku said, disbelieving. 

She had spoken with the women who had taught her to say ‘women’s stuff’ at Church security long enough to know that her rebuttal statement wasn’t true. She had asked Yuna and Lulu why that phrase worked so well on Auron and they explained that it was because of men’s natural aversion to their ‘affliction’- their period of blood. The Al Bhed women in Bevelle had told her many years ago that they weren’t sure that the Church security or monks would lose interest in them unless they said the phrase. She understood now that disgust for their natural bodily functions out-weighed most of their dangerous overtures- and she had a good idea what their intentions were. 

“I have not said that.” Auron turned to her and paced back to where he leaned.

“You’re going to stick by that, then?” She said, nettled by his quick withdraw.

“I hear something by the road. Quiet now.” 

Rikku tightened her mouth and blew air into her cheeks, anger and frustration boiling up in her. She had a thousand more connections that clicked strangely and terribly and she had this feeling that she should be ashamed, covered. 

She rose, taking off her breast wrap, “Fine then- just watch for the fiends that don’t like this part of the forest _ anyway _.” She hoped she got the sarcastic inflection sharp enough to jab him with it. 

She kicked her legs, balling herself up as she rolled off her undergarments. She’d fight _ naked _, she didn’t care, she thought ferociously. She’d not be ashamed of her body or of what she was to do to take care of it. 

Rikku grabbed her soap bottle and swam spuriously to the other side of the bank, finding a smooth root to slap her underwear on. Then, she searched. The desert grown girl dug a shallow hole into the rocky earth arms distance away, deep enough that the water pooled in it’s base from the water table below. She beached her body and rested her knees on the edge of the water as she cleaned her hands of the earth in the larger pond. Rikku impatiently waited for the water to settle clear, and placed herself between her new hole and the water. She peered above the root of the tree that was providing some privacy and saw Auron, still the unmoving bulwark standing guard. 

Rikku reached beneath her plucked out the thin membranous shield she kept between her silken folds. While she was gently guiding it out, she heard another voice in the distance. 

Aurons voice, “You don’t want to move.” 

Rikku rolled her eyes and finished cleaning out the blood quickly, holding the membrane in one hand. She heard Auron and another man’s voice but then the man recognised who he was dealing with. 

“S-sir Auron? Are you Sir Auron? ”

Aurons voice was low, and they exchanged words before the other man's voice acended in pitch, “I’m looking for my family- what are-” His voice broke, probably, she guessed, from nearly pissing himself. Auron was waving his bloody blade around like a cooking knife from what she could piece together. 

She sighed, resigned. Auron was hopelessly dramatic, and so _ suspicious _. She shivered from the cold and the wet splashes she hit herself with as she finished clearing her life-blood.

“But there’s no one behind you, Sir!” The man who had lost his family was confused, and was straining to be polite as Auron probably tried to intimidate him. 

She peeked her head out behind her tree cover. 

Louder, irate, Auron said, “She’s there,” without turning even a glance over his shoulder.

The man was just beyond the bend and Auron had his sword out and was pointing back to where the Calm Land and Macalania pass road was.

She washed her membranous barrier and replaced it so she could attend to Auron’s overbearing behavior. Then she covered the hole back with the earth she had removed, slipping silently back into the water. She saw that he had moved the man backwards successfully and resumed his post. 

Aurons voice was quiet, as she glided over to him, “Rikku-?” 

“Yeah boss, I’m here. I wasn’t snatched by any fiends, you big worry wort. I’m naked though so if it _ offends _ you - don’t look.” She said, deciding to float a bit in the clear water. 

It felt softer, a sweeter water than she was used to on the oceans. The deep dark waters of Baaj and the western Al Bhed territories were harsh with salt and wind, the currents treacherous. She hadn’t swam like this since her carefree days when she played with her friends on beaches of Home. 

Gippal, Keyakku, Mikkehl and Kinna… she saw them sitting around her on a beach. She didn’t even know if any of them were alive, but it did not stop the visual of sunlight so bright it made the beach white, and the ocean a thousand glittering live stars that radiated joy. It warmed her even in this cold pond, and she could almost hear Kinna’s squealing giggle and Gippal's laugh as they raced into the ocean.

She opened her eyes and she was once again in the melancholy glow of the Macalanian wood. It was pure, both this place and the memories that floated despite her dismissal of them. It had none of the risk that she was used to foraging through. She spun her fingers on the surface of the water and watched the water flit and fly off in beautiful geometry.

She didn’t care what Auron thought, she decided. He was many amazing things but being right all the time was not one of those things. She’d have to accept that they were different, and she maybe work on how to better talk about it with Mr.never really says enough words guy.

She went to grab her undergarments, irritated that they'd have to dry and thought that next time she wouldn’t be changing the way she did things. 

Huffing, and now quite cold, she schlepped back to her things. Rikku reached into her inventory and got her small arm sized towel that she used for drying things. She sniffed it, checking to make sure she hadn’t used it for any weapons polish recently. 

“You should be more careful. There are - men and -monks on the road. You shouldn’t be - naked by yourself in the future.”

She dried off shivering and gaily marveling at the fact that Auron was struggling with words. “Well then, just bathe with me?” Rikku asked the question not because she thought it was a viable solution but because she wanted a better answer. 

Auron made a sound. She pulled her shorts on, hopping. She was taking a little too much pleasure in teasing him, but she was getting even.

He never answered her. She came to stand in front of him fully dressed and buckled.

“All ready.” 

Auron just tilted his head down and looked at her. 

“Now, what happened to this guy's family?” Rikku spun away from him. 

Auron said, “He lost them,” and walked after her. 

Rikku wondered, “You mean- wait, he’s looking for them though, so they’re alive, right.” She was reassuring herself mostly as she hurried to the road, she felt a sense of worry tighten at her neck. She looked around, “Where’d he go?” 

Auron didn’t respond, but when Rikku looked to him for answers, he limply gestured to where they had made camp. 

She ran into the clearing and saw a commonly dressed man with his arm crossed over him, rubbing his chin. 

“Hey there,” Rikku greeted as Auron said, “We don’t have time for this.” 

“Oh hello- er, again, Sir Auron.” The man sounded like he was good at making his voice deferential, and looked as if the small break of fear in his voice was worrisomely unexpected.

Rikku said putting her hand between the man's gaze and Auron, “Don’t worry, Rikku’s on the case! Where’d you lose them?”

“I sent them ahead of me after Bevelle - there were riots, warrior monk raids. We were supposed to meet at the crossroads, but they never came.” 

Rikku blinked. 

Auron explained, “The temples are in chaos, confusion and disorder is dangerously-” 

“Yeah yeah-” Rikku said, flapping her hand, shooting Auron a look that matched her hissing admonishment, “That’s not helping.” 

She bounced up to the man and put out her hand, “Map?” She met his wide brown eyes and smiled in a manner that she hoped would look heroic and helpful.

The man looked concerned, and said, “Sir Auron, this- uh- woman? Is- uhhh.” 

“Do you have a map or not?” Auron demanded. 

“Because I think you’re in the wrong place.” Rikku said, still pleasant, but annoyed. 

“I- don’t have a map.” The man said. 

“How- ugh [_how do you even- _] okay, look here’s my map.” She brought out her map from her inventory and the man goggled at her, looking at the size of her map and looking at her inventory pocket. 

He looked afraid when she brought it, folded nicely to the betwixt roads of Macalania, closer to him. She looked at it, thinking maybe the merc’s had scribbled something threatening on the map, but she didn't see anything, “Nope- huh,” She held it up further away from him, but he still looked frightened. 

“It’s a map,” Auron had a growl in his suppressed laugh.

She explained once the man was convinced that it wasn’t forbidden machina, that he was at the betwixt road but there were many between roads.

She rallied the man and clapped her hands together and begged Auron with no words. He gestured her forward and held the man’s arm back, “Go, scout then. Stay in shouting distance.” He followed her out onto the road and drew the man in close speaking quickly and quietly. 

She didn’t know what he was talking to the man about, but she would be bugging him about it after they hopped to finding this man’s family. 

  
  


-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Auron had said “Rikku,” and waved her back before they reached the Bevellian intersection. He gestured to the tree line and said, “We avoid the road.” 

Rikku nodded. He had mentioned something about Bevelle being in turmoil, and she knew that Auron was the boss when it came to tactics. If he didn’t want the pacing guard to see them, then they wouldn’t be seen.

It was a detour that passed peacefully, and Rikku was smug. Rikku _ told _ Auron that the tree’s weren’t thick enough here for fiends. She kept her gloating to herself as she generously recognised that Auron was making many concessions to her today. 

A woman was standing by the Travellers Sphere, by the Ice bridge and the Branch way. She had a backpack near her feet and she was looking worriedly through the trees. 

The man ran towards her when he saw her, calling out, “Karia!” 

She embraced him and then said, “Orian! Oh I’m so glad you made it- but Toa, Toa was playing with some butterflies and I turned around for just a second-_ just a second _ to get him something to eat and I looked back and he was gone!” She held onto him desperately, hugging him. Orian looked back to where Auron and Rikku stood. Karia continued, trying to explain, “I told Toa not to run off, that the Macalanian woods aren’t safe- the light bridge wasn't up you see.” 

Rikku knew it was twilight, knew that they had been away for too long. But- it was a _ kid _ and she was supposed to be a guardian. Also, kids that weren’t Al Bhed tended to _not_ be equipped with explosives. 

“I suppose we have no choice.” Auron said resigned once he looked at Rikku’s face. 

Rikku saluted the two embracing parents, “Leave it to the professionals.” They were guardians to the Lady Summoner Yuna, who was guardian to the whole world- so Rikku thought it was _ ebcu tavyldu _ [ipso defacto **12.**] that they’d be the ones to turn to.

Karia looked past her husband and gasped.

“Sir- Sir Auron?” The woman was star struck, she pushed away from her husband as he reached after her a warning whisper that wavered with the anxiety. “Uhh, Karii-ia.”

The Sir Auron in question began to walk towards where the ice bridge and the branch path met. 

Karia came forward to him, her arms out, “My sister- Sir Auron, she was at the hamlet- the one where-” She reached to touch his arm and he froze. 

Rikku subconsciously registered Aurons rigid back, and the woman’s determined approach, and had a reflexive desire to say ‘Back off! Manners!’ But something about the woman made her seem too fragile, and her misty eyes looked at him like she wasn’t sure he was real. Karia whispered, voice wet, “You saved her. And now you’re coming to save my son- I- we- my family can _ never _thank you enough.”

Auron breathed out, not a sigh, not a groan. It was the sound of rust she saw behind his eyes, the flakes of ash, the sound of pain. 

Rikku felt indebted towards Auron for the Malboro, and for being the only one to make good on the deal to get her to a bath. She didn’t know what the woman was talking about and didn’t know why Auron felt uncomfortable but she was going to save him.

Rikku jumped up- “Wow it’s so sparkly. Hey, Karia right, did you tell him that the bridge was safe?” She popped her self in between Auron and what apparently an uncomfortable reminder of his past.

The woman looked at her like she was just now seeing her. “Ah- wha-an Al Bhed?” 

Orian came up to place his hands on her shoulders, he said quietly, “Karia, she convinced Sir Auron to help.”

The woman pushed her short dark hair behind her bandana and smiled with an embarrassed sound that was thick from her unshed tears. She said, letting go of Auron, “I did tell him, but the butterfly’s-”

Rikku said, “I bet he went there!” She pointed up the bridge and then pushed Auron. He didn’t move. 

“C’mon- I bet your kid went where he could have the most fun and this looks like fun!” She stopped awkwardly, because her words had an annoying quality she couldn’t think of the word for, but would later call them asinine. She asked the moving wheels of the world why Tidus wasn’t here to be the people’s hero, or Yunie to be a light of hope, or even why Lulu wasn’t here to say something good. 

Auron looked like he would say something, and then didn’t, a silent stranger to the people that knew him, and went up the bridge. 

  
  


-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Rikku granted Auron the ability to remain quiet, chatting with the child that they had found, Toan. He had come with them because of Auron, too. Unquestionable faith and worship in the child’s eyes made Auron, in Rikku’s eyes, shut down his systems. Rikku gentle but persistent, had continued to shield Auron as the night grew colder, the flowers of crystal and light blinding them to the dark beyond the canopy. 

She answered all sorts of questions once Toan watched her fish out her map from her pocket. She marked it happily, noting that there was strange pulsations in the crystals and the kid told her, and that something crazy happened with the forest folk and a magical butterfly. He also told here that he felt that something was there and wanted to stay. 

Rikku didn’t know how to treat that statement, so she asked him about his life, learning that Bevelle wasn’t all that much better for the hands that ran the underbelly of the city. Not in so many words, but the kid was excited to _ play _, and for the scary men and priests to stay in Bevelle.

She told Toa to be sure not to go into the Forest, and that the sparkly path was safe but probably unstable. She waved goodbye to the small family and Toa waved back while his parents performed the prayer. 

Auron didn’t wave, and in fact hid much more of his face than she was used to, but they wove their way back off the path and she felt that the silence had gone on long enough. 

“Auron,” she said, looking behind her to see if there was any reaction. 

There wasn’t. Auron stomped through the forest, twigs snapping and boots thudding along the soft ground with a thin layer of ice over it. Something critical to Auron was lain bare without his permission, and she felt his sensitivity over the topic much more clearly than she thought she had the right to.

She turned back around, “Alright- but, one day. If you need a friend to talk to- you could tell me about what that woman was saying.” She let it rest a bit. 

The incandescence that hummed in the Macalanian forest kept the darkness from being too inhibiting to their progress, but he marched on as the crystal flowers lessened their eminence and the trees shadow began to grey with moonlight.

She glanced over at him, sort of asking if they could get back on the road now. 

He nodded, and she switched the subject, “But about Bevelle- huh that’s some crazy stuff. What’s it mean exactly to have the ‘temples in disarray’ - you know, now that there’s no one all panicky around?”

“It means that the people will be rebelling, as control and orders are up for the taking. Mika and Seymore have declared that they are not of one mind. Kinoc-” she heard him quench something.

He continued, “Kinoc is dead. The warrior monks will respond to the first order given to them. They will fracture unless an iron first descends upon them.”

Rikku knew warrior monks as flamethrowers and swordsmen that ripped open cargo holds. They were the bogeymen, but, “Would it be so bad if they - well, fractured? If their order was broken up?” 

“This disorder is dangerous. They will form groups. They have no one except themselves to answer to. This means that their trained violence, their hatred for Al Bhed, for dissenters to their power will become… martial order.” 

Their previous conversation hovered like a shadow over her thoughts. Rikku swallowed, changing the subject. “What were you talking to Orian about?”

“Bevelle.” He answered, but it was a terrible answer Rikku thought, one that meant Auron had more secrets and secret plans. She trusted Auron, he wasn't the type to break a handshake deal so she let it go graciously because she had her own secret plans. 

Rikku looked at him, coming to walk by his side, “Is it going to get much more dangerous Auron?” 

Auron didn’t affirm her fear but his eye rolled downwards to look at her. She felt her face contract in worry and she slipped away from his gaze.

They walked further and quickly, in wordless agreement that they had stayed away for far too long and needed to hurry. Rikku felt hunger rumble inside her.

The group was posted up at their same campsite they had made. Their campsite was impossible to miss, despite it’s clever sheltering, but their voices carried. 

“-too much!” Wakka was upset about something.

Lulu’s soothing cadence eased over Wakka’s. 

“That’s all I’m sayin’-” Wakka was explaining. 

Lulu cut across, real brassed off Rikku thought, “And if it were? What then, Wakka?”

Wakka was shrugging his shoulders and Lulu spotted them from around Wakka’s pacing.

“There you are,” she said, relief evident in her face.

“Hey, if I had known you guys weren’t gunna be back until late I woulda slow roasted this.” Wakks said, too loud, too happy. 

Rikku tilted her head and paused a little. Auron slowed his pace. He turned to her, “The subject of debate?”

Rikku gave him a small tight smile, and muttered, “Ten gil that it was about Yunie and Tidus.”

He said, "You’re sharp, but a chalk player.” 

Rikku looked at him, strangely, thinking it was weird he knew betting terms and then felt her dimples peek out as her smile widened, “There’s no sides- _ Cxiyna _ [ _ square _ ].” [Gambling terms **13.**]

Auron said, “That’s what you think.”

Rikku ran ahead, leaving the mystery man and his mystery words in the dust, “I’m starving, what’s for dinner?” 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The camp had been awkwardly quiet in some aspects, though Rikku chattered to Auron and explained to him when he had asked about her armor projects. It was mostly because she didn't want to think about their earlier conversation and it seemed like the group needed some distraction. She didn’t know how much he was getting out of her absent minded lecture but was pleased enough to talk about it, though she may have gotten side-tracked at some point after making a list of things she needed. 

The shifts for keeping watch were more heavily staggered and a little more difficult, but Auron stayed up with her and said nothing when she fell asleep. 

The morning was slow and she was warm from the light when they woke her. She fiddled with the Travellers Sphere before putting it right and thought about how she was going to request that they go in search of the Celestial Weapon again.

They were packed up, ready to go and follow after Tidus and Yuna when the missing pair rode up to them. 

They looked happy, and comfortable. Unabashed that they had taken so long.

Yuna reported with determination. They were to go to Macalania, she commanded, for the purpose of clearing a mirror. Quietly and more solemnly, she told them she discovered there was another aeon on her path and would like for everyone to keep an eye out for hidden temples like Remiem. 

Lulu’s braids swayed but otherwise, Rikku thought, she was very good at keeping her worry inside. But she could see, that Lulus slim neck had the faintest shadows of tendons.

Tidus then pitched his idea in the silence of the group processing Yuna’s words. Those with capture weapons, plus Rikku, would get at least one specimen of each fiend from Macalania. Then, Lulu and Yuna plus Tidus would figure out how to clear the mirror. Though RIkku had begun to protest, Lulu countered that it was probably going to be magic and pointed out Tidus _ had _won the mirror so it wasn't a matter of 'puzzling'. 

Auron made his usual point about time, but it was Yuna who said, “We will have to stop at the Travel Agency. It’s too far to make it to the gorge today, and too dangerous if we have to push ourselves in unfamiliar terrain.” 

And so Rikku struck, “We have time for treasure then!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Glossary 
> 
> 12: Ipso De Facto [Ancient Guado for] Evidenced by the fact itself and definitely Guado’s are excellent lawyers. 
> 
> 13: Sharp [Good at betting] Chalk [Favorite] Sides [One or the other stakes, either wins] Square [new at betting]- Somewhat universal terms that the Spirans all use to count up how the money turns, comes and goes- who holds it and what favors they’ve been granted by the skin of their teeth. Auron doesn’t seem the type to gamble does he? Rikku certainly doesn’t think so, but she thinks that maybe he knows things like she knows things because she can’t help but pick up information like sand sticks to skin. Then again, Rikku thinks he’s impatient, when in actuality, he’s quite unpredictable (see Auron telling Tidus he ‘changed his mind when Sin attacked that day’) and takes risks without hedging his bets, but that’s another story. His story.


	6. Blood on Steel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bloodstains sink into steel, and when the rain kisses it, it weeps blood. Auron knows that this happens, but Rikku hasn’t seen a blade weep before.

The chocobos did not set foot inside the forest, the tawny one squawking horribly, and so Lulu elected to stay behind to watch them. The Black Mage pointed out that she doubted that she would gain anything from the endeavor, so she stalwartly sent Wakka, and Kimahri into the forest with the rest of the group. She seemed to be in a mood, Rikku agreed quietly with Yuna, she may just need some time alone. 

Karia and Orian hailed Auron and Rikku by the Macalanian Travel Sphere and beseeched them for their help. Toa was lost once more to the call of the forest. 

Auron, with no reaction to their pleas, dug his boot at the earth and grabbed the blonde blitzer’s shoulder. He pointed at the ground before Tidus could go gallivanting off into the forest for the child. Rikku stood awkwardly as they directed the prayer of Yevon to her. Confused and irritated, primarily because they had lost their son again, Rikku grabbed Yuna and dragged her in front of the praying couple.

“Hey this is Summoner-Lady Yuna!” 

“Oh, Rikku!” Yuna said, worried.

“Oopsie-” She had forgotten that ‘Lady Yuna and her guardians’ had been labelled as traitors and heathens. The magic of Yuna, however, seemed hard to dispel. 

“Lady Yuna!” Orian made another prayer. “Tales of your beauty have not done you justice! I heard your wedding dress took thirty hands to make- ”

Karia gave an excited exclamation, “Lady Yuna-Maester Seymore was taken with you the moment he saw you! You must tell us how you met- there’s so many rumors! It’s said he saw you in a dream!” 

Rikku, free from any potential awkward interactions with the parents, joined Tidus with his mystery task. Orian and Karia continued to ask Yuna about the true story of her and Seymores fated love, both asking for clarification of different parts of a wildly mistold event. Yuna placed her hands together, gripping her staff tightly and smiled her practiced smile, laughing perfectly as she deflected.

Rikku was fully distracted, peering curiously at where Tidus sat, cross legged. She watched him do a poor job of digging until she couldn’t take it anymore and helped him unearth a sphere. Tidus called Yuna over. The Summoner politely excused herself from her public and joined Tidus on the floor of the forest. 

Rikku nosily crouched over them. Her mouth open, she watched Braska enter the Bevellian dungeon room. She covered her mouth when she saw Auron, black haired, his haori half cast off like he was ready to fight at any second. She withdrew herself from the sphere as Yuna and Tidus huddled themselves around the orb. 

Karia was speaking quietly with Auron. He so covered up in comparison to the brazen man she had seen on the sphere. Wakka and Kimarhi were trying to determine where Toan had gone, asking Orian and investigating the road respectively. She looked back and forth before she scuttled up to Auron and Karia, convinced that The Legendary Guardian was having some internal difficulties.

“- said it was the most heroic thing they had ever witnessed, you called a storm to defeat a fiend horde.” Karia said. 

“Exaggerated heroics. I do not deserve your praise.”

“Heya- Karia, you think Toa went back on the starry path? You heard me warn him?” Rikku inserted. 

“Y-Yes I did.” Karia said, looking a little like she thought Rikku was a bit impudent.

“So, why didn’t you go get him?” Rikku had been wrestling with whether to ask the question since they had asked for help finding Toan, but it spilled out heedless of her internal debate.

Orian interjected, “We thought he might return, and if we were wrong- then we wouldn’t be here. If we went separately to check- well, I just didn’t want to be separated from my wife again, not in these trying times.” 

Rikku furrowed her brow. Auron met her eye, like he knew that she was thinking poorly of their decision, then quickly walked to Yuna and Tidus. 

"Ready?” He asked the pair, who were both looking a little emotional over the sphere.

They nodded, Tidus rubbing Yuna’s hand before handing the sphere over to Auron. Auron waved it away.

Rikku’s eyes, straying on Yuna and Tidus’ casual touch, started, “Don’t you think you should have both just-” she looked back to a dumb founded Karia and Orian. 

“Come.” Auron said, but Rikku dithered, “But- hang on, your kid just runs off with nothin’ to fight off fiends and you just- what, sit here? We did this _ yesterday _.” 

Karia, uncomfortable, said, “He wasn’t gone for very long, and we would have gotten the Bevellian guardsman.”

“I tried to explain to her why getting the guard was not an option-” Orian said.

“But why didn’t you just-?” Rikku asked. 

Auron started up the path, hoping to spur the movement forward. Kimarhi followed. 

Tidus from high up said, “If you guys don’t know how to fight fiends, you probably should stay at a Travel Agency. You can come with us!” 

They looked overjoyed and thanked him profusely. Yuna returned the prayer they sent her graciously. Rikku drew her mouth in, annoyed and relieved that Tidus was there to be the perfect hero and Yunie was so gracious. But they were going to go. Then what was going to happen to this family after they left? 

Wakka patted her shoulder and said, “Yeah- I know, huh,” He looked angry, he tilted his head towards the shining road, his back turned to the couple. “-but c’mon. Let’s go get this kid- no one _ else _seems like they’re gunna.” 

Rikku, frowning, said, “Yeah, okay.”

Toa was standing in the same place. The strange pulsating crystal bulb he was drawn to had cleared the mirror. The kid jumped up and down, his eyes sparkling. 

Orian and Karia, bowing and looking ashamed, had come to meet them. They collected their son who was happily telling them the story of how he helped a guardian hero get a legendary weapon. 

They announced to the group that they would be heading to Macalania Lake Travel Agency. Rikku told them to let the Travel Agency know to book them a speeder escort if they found the weather ‘the worst’ and wanted to ‘trade up’ for the Calm Lands. 

Auron stood on the light bridge as the rest of the group descended, wanting to speak with the family privately. Auron placed a gloved hand on a bouncing Toa’s head. When he was done, he quickly outpaced the others. Tidus, excited about the success of the trip moved in front of Auron, causing him to stop abruptly. 

Rikku paused, her surreptitious glance turned into a blatant stare from her traditional spot at the head of the line. She cocked her head, watching Auron slip something shiny in his haori.

Tidus leaned his head backward into his hands and leisurely spun, asking Yuna about the clear mirror and how it felt to her. Yuna handed it to Wakka, and Kimarhi looked over his shoulder.

Auron broached Rikku’s side. 

“Why didn’t they go get him?” Rikku asked. That she didn’t ask about the shiny was something like a disappointment to Rikku, but she didn’t really want to admit that she had been watching Auron. 

Auron said, “It is not wise to arm people if you require their complete obedience.” 

Rikku looked at him, profoundly unhappy with the newest drop of insight he had given her and had nothing else to do with the information other than pout.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

She had guessed correctly that the man Auron was staring down at the races, the man who had gotten inebriated before Tidus’ midday race had even started, had abandoned his post. The Church of Yevon, Rikku knew, kept many secrets and guarded them well. 

Well- unless they posted a single, bored man out by a morbid crack in the ground, and deprived him of all fun and human contact, Rikku thought with a gleeful sense of victory. She had proposed her plot while digging wildly into the earth with a make-shift shovel. Only Tidus offered to help, but he had gotten a mouthful of dirt and crawled away out of a sense of self-preservation. 

They would ask Minnaja to spread a rumor of another race party, or even _ have _ another party then ride a.s.a.p. to the gorge. Kimarhi and Auron conceded in their own way that running the man down ‘probably’ wouldn’t help with anything.

She hit pay-dirt doubly. The party agreed that it was the only thing that they had as far as plans went, just as she had unearthed thousands of gil, sealed away in rotting chests, hidden under the rubble of the collapsed bridge.

She sunk her hands into the pile laughing maniacally, “Gil-gil- we’re gillionaires! But seriously, gunna need to bribe Minnaja to host another party so soon- even if it is just for a rumor.”

Minnaja and Clo were at the Agency, having a small lunch and sitting close together atop the agency’s grassy roof. They waved and Rikku climbed up the crates, divulging her plan with great energy. 

Clo nodded her head. Minnaja had kissed the chocobo riders cheek, amused by the plan, before she explained that she’d hire a speeder to send word, for a fair price. 

They had made the trip in just under an hour, their chocobos at gallop pace.

“We’re not supposed to be down here, ya?” Wakka said from Chu-ju, holding onto Lulu, whom was sitting side saddle.

Kimahri slid off Sannam and poured water for the chocobos in a tin, keeping a sharp eye out for any chimera’s. 

“You murdered a Maester and escaped prison, then execution.” Auron said from behind her, irked. She felt his words on the back of her ear. She pressed it to her shoulder like she was itching the sensation away.

“Saa-ssy.” Tidus whistled and jumped off his chocobo, Yuna’s hands hovering protectively over him as he landed. He looked up at her, still giggling at his comment, and he winked.

Rikku pinched her mouth together, noting this with increased interest.

Auron grunted, as Wakka sheepishly laughed and then said, “Guess you’re right.” 

Tidus reported, “Uhh guys! There’s a rune down here.” 

“Wait! Lemme see!” Rikku tried to leap out of the chocobo saddle, but forgot her ribbons were once again caught under Aurons weight. 

Auron grabbed her waist before her shirt rose up too far, one leg still awkwardly up by Beau’s neck, and one of her blue ribbons twisted around her other. His hands were firm and pressed into her stomach. He easily and quickly righted her. His eyebrows were drawn, “Careful,” 

Rikku gulped and righted her leather shirt. Somehow being exposed on a chocobo was a heart thudding experience, whereas being naked while bathing wasn’t. 

“Nevermind! Got it!” Tidus said a split second later. 

“Does no one listen to me?” Rikku groused.

Tidus appeared, holding a sword of sky blue metal run with gold. His arm was shaking. He quickly brought it down, carefully cradling it with his gauntlet hand.

“Can you not hold it?” Auron asked, she could feel his voice on her lower back, which was aching, but not enough to stop her from the encroaching _ temydyhd vaamc _ [3]. 

Tidus shook his head, “Nah, it’s got this vibe to it.” He held it out so that Kimarhi and the others could admire it. “I think it’s name is Caladbolg.” He said with something akin to reverence. 

Yuna asked, “You know it’s name?” she looked at him, and Rikku could see her cousins tenderness from here. It had been like that for the whole day, these small things that Rikku sensed and filed away under observable changes. 

Tidus looked up at her, smiling slowly, like honey poured in morning light. 

Rikku concluded that there was something different and couldn’t help the wiggle of excitement and joy that something had _ happened _ at the Temple.

“Yeah.” Tidus put the sword in his inventory carefully, but he still cut himself.

  
  


-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Rikku pounced on Yuna in their room, “Spill!” 

“Wh-what do you mean, Rikku?” Yuna was pinking. 

“She means,” Lulu said, “We’ve all noticed-.” 

Rikku gasped at Lulu conspiratorially delighted, and grinned at her cousin, “Yeah-yeah!” 

It was then that they noticed Yuna hunch her neck, curving her shoulders uncomfortably, “I- I’m not sure. I have- mmmph, I don’t know.” 

Lulu came close, sitting on the bed, “Are you still-” she trailed off, eyebrow drawing forward as some hidden conflict caused her eye to meet Rikku’s.

Rikku looked back at Lulu, impatient for her to finish because she genuinely didn’t know what Lulu was trying to get at. 

“Still what-” Rikku prompted her but there was a silence after her prompt that wasn’t filled by the woman with one visible eye. 

Yuna whispered, “I’m not sure.”

“How are you- not sure? Do you mean-?” Lulu sounded emotional, angry or scared, Rikku wasn’t sure, but the mage took Yuna’s hands, “Did you feel something strange when you awoke, Yuna?” Lulu’s voice was a cold stream of words.

“No- I, I just I’m not sure.” Yuna said. 

Rikku was worried and asked, “What do you mean? What’s-”

Yuna looked up and said again that she wasn’t sure.

It was then that Lulu became frank at Rikku’s repetition of questions and abruptly stated, “Pure. Does she still retain her _ purity _.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rikku demanded. 

Lulu said, cold and hot all at once, “I mean to ask if Yuna had something forcibly taken from her or -”

“No! He would _ never- _” Yuna seemed horrified, then despondent, placing her hands up, begging Lulu.

“How would Tidus have _ taken _ Yuna’s _ purity- _ she’s like… more pure than sphere water.” 

Yuna’s brow was knotted in distress and confusion. 

Lulu crossed her arms, “I mean purity in the way that refers to virginity.” 

“Virginity?” Rikku said, trying the word out, looking for a synonym in her own tongue. 

Lulu tightened her crossed arms, and threw her head back, closing her eyes. “Yuna has been protected and she’s remained safe, thus far-” Lulu looked down. “I never thought that a Maester would- that if the offer of marriage was there that-” Lulu shook her head. “You can never be too careful.”

Rikku knew that it was more than important, it was critical, but she didn’t understand the word- hadn’t heard of it before, “Virginity? Is Purity?” 

Lulu's face was smooth, save for a hard, cold line at her mouth, “You must be deliberately ignorant.”

It looked to Rikku as if Yunie was in physical pain, and Lulu was acting like she had been hurt. 

Rikku's confusion was coming out with teeth, directed at Lulu, her voice was tight, “That’s not very nice to say. I’m trying to figure out... do you mean- to ask her if… Tidus… did something to her- that she didn’t want- Sexually. Then, if he did something it means… she’s dirty? Not pure anymore?” 

Yuna looked as if something inside her was twisting. Lulu’s lip curled, her eye tightened.

Rikku, first to let Yuna know she believed her, said, “Tidus- wouldn’t hurt Yunie- he wouldn’t.” Yuna nodded and pressed her lips together. Rikku looked to Lulu, shaking her head, “But if that’s what ‘purity’ is- then it’s stupider than Summoners sacrificing themselves. It's worse than stupid, it's wrong!”

Lulu, in a temper now, salted at her, “You should think carefully what you say next. It may be best for you to consider, for one second, that the way the world works is not how you want it to work.” 

Rikku, scalded, shot back, “I have _ never _thought that! I just don’t see how that could be something that Yunie could ever get taken or lose or- !.”

“_ Virginity _ is chastity,” Lulu stood up beginning to pace “-to not submit to sexual intercourse-” her hands were strained into claws that she held at Rikku, whose eyes had widened in shock, “How is this something that needs to be explained to you? Is nothing sacred to the Al Bhed?”

The silence between them was dissonant, and in the discomfort, Yuna became distressed and apologised, excusing herself. 

Rikku became quiet in Yuna’s absence, “It needs to be explained because it doesn't make sense. I may not understand but it's not because we don't… respect -” 

Lulu scoffed, walking to the door. She stopped abruptly.

The Al Bhed girl, feeling very alone, tried to ask one more question, “If Yuna wanted to do something, too? If Tidus and her did stuff- is- she not pure then, either? To you? ‘Cuz that's what it sounds like.”

Lulu had turned away from the door, but now she held herself, looking at the ground. She remained silent, breathing hard, her face hidden.

With Lulu’s cold shoulder, Rikku became unbearably quieter. She left, the door slamming her last puncture into silence.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Auron came to stand next to her atop the agency.

At first, her back was tense, waiting for him to lecture her, to tell her that ‘virginity’ was a real thing. That it was true, people just _ took _it and women had to be scared all the time of getting irreversibly unclean.

He didn’t though. She breathed out and felt comforted by his blanket of silence. She considered speaking with him about the subject, but her thoughts went back to their conversation about bodies. She fell down into a terrible spiral where she went over incidents, interactions, and her head clanged with words and feelings. Kulli’s voice was on horrible repeat, saying ‘fucking’ mockingly, and his word ‘possession’ grated at her. 

She put her head in her hands, covering her ears as if it would help, and made a small sound. 

“Kimahri was concerned.” Auron said.

Rikku didn’t reply. 

“You would do well to solve this before our journey tomorrow.” 

Rikku looked up at him, before leaning back on her hands. “I don’t really know how to.”

Aurons robe shifted in the breeze. “I will not reassure you that you can.”

Rikku sat, a heavy weight leadening her chest and limbs. How was she supposed to fix all of Yevon’s dumb-stupid- rules without grabbing everyone and shaking the belief out of their heads? If she could do that, she would have convinced Yunie to stop her pilgrimage.

Auron continued, his rough voice soft, “I will tell you, that it is your choice whether to try.” 

Rikku felt empty- how was she supposed to try? It seemed impossible, a daunting task to say that everything they knew was wrong. But _ Yuna- _ her heart twinged, and the souls of her palms ached when she thought of Yuna. She must be confused and worried about so many things- and here she was, hiding from a fight over something that wasn’t even about what really happened- or even what _ Yuna _was worried about.

Rikku stuck out her chin, “Alright already,” she patted grass off of her bum. 

She steeled herself as she looked at him, placing both hands on her hips. She breathed in the cold night air and flung away her shiver as she turned and slid down the Agency awning. 

She raced down the steps to the common room, thinking Yuna may be avoiding the room that Lulu was likely waiting in. She was right. Yuna was blankly looking into the Agencies heating system. Kimarhi was in the room, and turned to Rikku as she slowly edged her way in.

Kimarhi uncrossed his arms and looked to Yuna, and then back to Rikku. Rikku swallowed and nodded, not able to summon a smile. 

Rikku announced her presence with heavy footsteps and Kimarhi left the room. Yuna's face transformed, a small smile, a soft expression.

Rikku fell onto her cousin, throwing her arms around her and squeezing tightly.

“Rikku-” Yuna said, placing her hand on Rikku’s head and petting her softly. 

Rikku wouldn’t cry, but she squeezed Yuna even harder. She let her go after Yuna tapped her shoulder gently to tell her she couldn't breathe. Rikku steadied herself.

Yuna looked at her with a fragile sort of strength and reassured her, “I’m fine.” Rikku shook her head but Yuna continued, “I know what I need to do. I will let nothing get in my way.”

Rikku tried to stop her, “Yunie, that’s not- this is-” 

Yuna spoke with such a glorious determination, she couldn’t help but listen, “I am a summoner. I must focus my entire being, my whole heart on defeating Sin. There is no room for any other purpose in my life. Do not worry Rikku, it is no longer important.” 

Rikku begged to explain, “Yunie- I just can’t let this go. Please, wait-” She placed her hands gently on Yuna’s cheeks and drew up as much severity as she could. “I _ don’t _ need to know what happened. It _ doesn’t matter- _ as long as you weren’t hurt. It shouldn’t matter to anyone else either because it’s not- ugh-” Rikku became frustrated. She lacked the words.

Her cousin smiled at her, sad and gracious, giving Rikku permission to think, to continue, because she would have it no other way than to let Rikku speak her peace.

Rikku did continue, with ungainly words and clumsy metaphor. “We have a phrase in Al Bhed- well- it’s an idea. It’s like a flower? Wait- no, it’s like the first time you figure something out _ perfectly _ \- when you figure it out and it just feels right, like a flower. Maybe it doesn't open all the way- maybe it blooms late, but it gets to where it’s goin’, ya know? It moves, from closed to being open, but it’s always been growing there, and it’s beautiful."

Rikku had been alternately closing her eyes to picture what it was she wanted to say and looking up to remember how to explain it. She looked at her lady summoner in the eye though when she said the translated phrase. “We call it a _ Lymepnydeuh Pmuus. _Calibration Bloom. [14.]” she smiled, laughing a little at the expression in her cousins face and at the joy of sharing something precious. 

“It’s - well, I don’t think it’s anything _ like _virginity. But- it’s sacred. You know? And no one can ‘take’ it-” Rikku shook herself back onto the topic. “I just- I hope whatever happened - if something happened- was everything you needed.”

Yuna’s face went from open concern and confusion, to a warm smile curved with sadness.

“I’m sorry.” Rikku said, and quickly at Yuna’s quick breath in to dismiss her apology, admitted, “I don’t really _ understand _what it means to you. What you’re going through.” Yuna continued to listen, bringing Rikku’s hand back up to her face and resting her cheek against Rikku’s palm. 

Rikku, strong and clear, “There could be nothing that would happen to you that would make me see you, Yunie, any different. There would be nothing that you could do that would change how I see you, other than maybe smile, knowing that you had another flower.”

“Thank you, Rikku.” Yuna ended Rikku’s speech, and Rikku knew that she had lost. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

  
  


The giant mech sank. Tremors rocked the ground. 

Auron was heaving, his arm broken. He dragged his sword up, one handed. Yuna, exhausted and pale, walked after him from where Wakka had been shielding her. She had drawn out her new staff, the beautiful Nirvana, but it had not yet awoken. Yet still Yuna used it, drawing it out after battles, trying to learn its secrets by channeling her magic through it as he hands shook.

Rikku was breathing in quickly, rage snapped her thoughts. Auron threw his body between everyone and crushing haymakers. Yuna was now being pursued by the guado, who had murdered people in Home. Terror curved it’s back, slinking invisibly under the flood of anger.

She cried out in frustration- “Where did those guado go?” 

Tidus propped himself up on his sword. Lulu wiped the sweat off her brow. Kimahri slammed his spear down onto the earth, growling at the metal carcass. 

Rikku looked around wildly, looking beyond the bridge and the canyon. She ran back towards the Calm Lands bridge and saw nothing. She kicked a rock, “Come out and fight us!” _ Death keepers, _ she seethed _ , fiend-makers, _ she cursed _ pyrefly-fingers _.

Yuna called healing light to Auron who silently nodded his thanks.

“How did they get here?” Rikku yelled, running to the overgrown machina. “How did they get this thing running?” She attacked it, ripping at it’s wires like tendons. She was more destructive than she normally would have been, but this machina was corrupted in her eyes by guado.

Tidus made his way to the Travellers Sphere, waving to Yuna who had made her wavering way to him. He gritted his teeth, “Yuna, it’s fine. Just- come over here with me and rest up.” 

Rikku jumped up upon it, finding no clues in its connections. She jabbed her claw into a plate on the metal brute. 

Auron stood at the edge of the thing. He said, “Rikku,” and she ignored him. Her arm muscles strained, plying all the leverage she could at the metal armor, a dangerous chunk of metal that had been split. 

Rikku’s voice was keening as she strained to open it, she was frantic. There had to be something she could do, and she clung to the idea the way she clung to this small determination.

“Rikku-” Auron was more urgent now. 

She didn’t answer. 

Auron’s heavy boots clunked on the body of the ancient mech. His hands were suddenly there, helping her heave the plate off. 

The force of their success sat her on her butt, and she immediately dove into the insides. 

Auron crouched, behind her, “The spheres are the energy cores.” 

She was quickly examining the strange technology, what she realised was ancient machina. It was foreign to her but it made sense as nothing else did at this moment. She was a sharp kind of chipper, “Yeah- I know.” She reared back her fist, punching at the cover and slicing the wire barriers. 

The sphere sat there, a red sheen to it and she plucked it out of its energy web, the last of the light fading. She studied it, but it was a blood-won treasure and a gain ill-seen [15.]. 

Auron said, “Are you ready?” 

She whirled on him. 

Auron stood up, not quickly enough to be a reaction, but he backed away. 

“_ You- _” she said, placing the sphere into her inventory. 

A conversation between Lulu, Tidus and Wakka, carried the cadence of seriousness, and drew her attention away. Tidus was standing at the pathway down the gorge.

Lulu was saying something quietly, and squared her shoulders, walking as if she were to appear before the Maesters court down the sloping road. Lulu walked past Tidus, leaving Wakka to shrug at Yuna, guarded on the bridge by Kimarhi. 

Yuna had whispered her confession in the common room. She would be distancing herself from Tidus; the only natural conclusion. Yuna explained that Lulu was only trying to protect her, and that Rikku should be more understanding, that Lulu had her reasons. Lulu, however, had yet to tell Rikku her reasons, because she had been pretending to be asleep when they had entered the bedroom. 

Rikku glared daggers at the back of Lulu’s head as she went into the gorge, feeling no sense of sympathy for whatever Lulu was going through unexplained _ now. _

Rikku pointed to Auron, “C’mon you-”_ mad crazy monk _. The words were sharp in the back of her throat, but she didn’t let them out. They would have a conversation about his reckless risk with his body later.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

  
  


The conversation, it turned out, was on Rikku’s mind, but it was as trapped as they were inside the creepiest, most depressing cave in Spira. Rikku was figuring out the glyphs and runes to keep her occupied. 

Tidus was in the Chamber of the Stolen Fayth with Yuna- the pretense of Yuna going anywhere without Tidus had been discarded, along with an unquestioning adherence to the rule of the Church. 

It wasn’t a Temple anyway, Rikku thought savagely, standing on the glyph, stomping on it with her boot. It wasn’t lighting up to take them back to the front. She wanted it to _ work _ -farplane destined ol’ magi-tech.

Auron was pacing around the chamber. He seemed to be investigating, a heavy plodding examination of the chamber, but she knew he had rolled his eye disapprovingly at her treatment of the glyph.

Kimarhi was standing at the rocky collapse where Tidus and Yuna had beamed through, as if he would ensure that not even evil light beams would reach them. Considering the amount of dead ghosts in this place, she doubted both the imperviousness of Kimarhi’s protection and that something like a wall would stop the unsent and ghost-y nightmares. 

Wakka hovered around Lulu, arms crossed, looking at her like he wanted to reach out and touch her, but had to keep his arms tightly restrained.

Lulu was sitting, leaning forward, listlessly playing with one of her Moogles as they handed her small stones on the ground. 

Lulu had said she wasn’t very sad but, Rikku didn’t believe her. Lulu also said that _ she _ had been _ too young _. Lulu’s voice was as young as she had ever heard it. Lulu’s current summoner was probably just as old as she had been when she was first a guardian. 

While Rikku was trying to figure out what Lulu meant, Auron had looked past Rikku to Yuna, and Yuna stepped forward, beginning her dance. Rikku watched in morbid fascination. The men had thought Tidus was a fiend- an unsent. No one could have been living in Baaj for that long without supply deliveries. What she was quickly gathering was Tidus had been obviously missing what determined the unsent as fiends: hatred. The bestial hatred, and the raw feeling of trauma, on such a peaceful, beautiful face, haunted her. After- Lulu had looked at Yuna when she said she was getting used to ‘farewells’. 

Rikku wanted to say ‘You can’t 'farewell’ if you’re dead,’- but she squeezed her mouth shut. She was still upset with Lulu. In fact, she was still feeling a little crazy with everyone- Yuna, Tidus, Wakka, Auron. Despite wanting to make it better, she didn’t know how. The only solid, dependable rock was Kimarhi. She turned to the ronso. 

Rikku said to him, “I can’t get this thing to work.” She stomped. “Also, I was expecting treasure. The potions- they were okay,” She made a face, hunching over at the creep factor, “-but I had to pry it out of a cold, dead, boney hand.” 

Kimahri blinked at her, his golden eyes so clear and wise and _ yet- _ she blew air out of her mouth, so _ silent. _

“Who informed Lady Ginnem of this fayth, Lulu?” Auron asked. 

Lulu didn’t look up, “A Priest.” Her voice was empty.

Auron’s steady pace didn’t break as he passed by her. Rikku was still for a moment, her eyes flicking between Lulu and Auron. While she still wanted to be mad at Auron, it had quenched into the shape of concern. 

Auron met her eye, a strange kind of examination taking place between them, as he made his way to her. 

Rikku knew he had been unhappy with this detour, but Lulu hadn’t asked, and no one had stopped her. Their journey up towards the Ronso village would be dangerous, and now that they knew there were two guado who had gotten away from them, it would be unavoidably perilous. 

Like it was in this cave. She griped that fiends in this cave were horrible in a way that other fiends always _ kind of _ were- something sick twisted their forms. Even the one that followed her around like it wanted to _ play _ , play the eyeball or explosion game. She shuddered, remembering the purple _ thing _toss frail phoenix feather at her, it’s bulbous eyes luminous, it’s baby teeth ghoulish. 

Rikku very much doubted that the fiends would get _ nicer _ after this cave.

Auron stood before her, boots on the edge of the glyph. She stared at him, her lip jutting out. 

Auron tilted his head down allowing his glasses to slip from their perch, “Have you tried starting from the middle and sliding out?” 

Rikku twitched backwards, and then regained herself, “Why don’t _ you _ try it, huh?”

Auron placed his boot on the glyph pad, just as Kimarhi sounded a warning- a beam of light from behind slammed Rikku and Auron to the side.

A wrenching dizziness yanked Rikku’s stomach and she lost her balance, falling to the ground in a small chamber. 

“Hng,” Auron made a noise of discomfort.

Rikku twisted her body around to look at where they ended up. It was a small square room, with no doors. The walls melded into the ceiling of the miserable cave they had been maze-ing their way through. 

“_ Fryd dra _ Farplane-” Rikku was about ready to snap,“Where’d you send us?” She demanded from Auron. 

“I did nothing.” 

“You!” She stomped towards him and pointed with straight hands at his head. “Let a monster machina beat you up! You-” Rikku twisted her body and straightened her arms, stomping her feet. 

“What’s that?” Auron asked. 

“You just take all these hits! Just- wham! Pow! What even is that- that’s not a _ tactic! _ That’s-” Rikku tossed her hands up, beyond mad-crazy monk, beyond glutton for punishment. It was like he had a death wish. She hunched, crossing her arms over her chest- _ it was like he had a death wish- a death seeker **[16]**. _

“No, that.” Auron gestured. 

Rikku floundered. She spun around, thinking one of those tiny little shaman men might have shuffled out of the shadows- but it was a corner of a container, with metal at it’s lip. She drew in a breath, “Treasure!” 

She set upon it, digging it out. 

“I thought you were concerned for my sense of tactical strategy. It takes so little to persuade you to abandon your cause?” 

“HA- you can’t spoil treasure. Go sit on the glyph in case they figure out how to get us out.” 

Auron heeded her, but did not sit.

She opened the chest, and for a while she gazed at the thing of deadly beauty within its case. 

She plucked the glass lid open, then cautiously drew it out of it’s secondary case.

She held up a beautiful glove. It was woven mail, embroidered with a silk motif of cherry blossoms. The claw’s gauntlet armor was tight bound scales of layered jade. The blades had that soft watery line of folded steel. It was still sharp. She sat down in the dirt heavily, wonderous at the quality of the find. 

“You found something.” Auron said, a note of curiosity in his voice.

“It’s-” Rikku swallowed. The Al Bhed primer they had found, this old treasure- “An Al Bhed stole the fayth,” she turned to Auron. “Didn’t they?” 

Auron shrugged. Rikku put the claw away to try on the new arm.

Rikku slipped the weapon on. The ties were hard for her, she wasn’t used to them but--she glanced at Auron, she had seen how they were done. 

She flexed her fingers in the thin chainmail, so fine it was silk-like. “It fits.” 

“It is beautiful.” Auron commented. 

Rikku had never heard such irony, such a clean and simple reminder and reversal. 

He stood upon the glyph, face still hidden.

She approached him calmly, looking into where his eye would be if it wasn’t protected by a sunglass that hadn’t seen _ any _ sun for the past oh- however long they had been in this cave, probably a billion years, more like 24 _ Pohlyml [8], _ to be exact, but it felt like far-far too long.

“You know what else is beautiful?” She said, marking out the line for her match with him in the metaphorical sand. 

Auron shifted.

“You know what else shouldn’t be left in the dirt for anything to just beat up on it?” Rikku set up her punch line. 

Auron turned his head and one boot slid backward off the stone pedestal, and she hit. 

“You!” She came up close, in poking distance but she held herself back. “Isn’t there anything you can do to not just- woomph- bam-” Rikku mimed his body being flung about. She shook her hand at him, “You can’t just die. Do you have any idea how I would feel- how Tidus or Yuna or anyone would feel if you just-” she flattened ‘worst case scenario Auron’ between her hands, “- _ died _‘cuz you were protecting us?” 

Auron seemed to gather himself, “I do not matter.” He echoed.

Rikku then, did snap. She lunged at him grabbing onto his haori. His arm pinned up by his neck and collar because he had tried to ready himself for her attack, but had gotten caught, too slow. 

“Never say that- never _ say that _ because you matter to people. We protect each other!” She reached her hands to his collar.

He seemed to remember himself, and tried to move away, attempting to extract her grip by removing her. She clutched onto his straps and trappings, fighting to hold on as he picked her up off him. Auron lifted his foot off the glyph, they dissolved into light, and slammed back into the central chamber. 

Yuna was looking at them, her hands together. The rest of the group, Tidus absent, blinked.

“Oh- oh my, are you- are you alright?” Yuna asked. 

Auron stepped off the glyph with Rikku still hanging off him, clinging to him out of dizziness now. 

“The fayth of Yojimbo requires payment. Two... hundred and fifty... thousand gil.” Yuna said. 

“What?!” Rikku screeched. 

Auron tried getting a hold of Rikku, pinching at her beaded collar and loose belt, but Rikku used his black armor to prop herself up and she placed her boot on his jade plated girdle.

Yuna spoke very quickly, “Tidus went back in to see if it would bring you back-”

Rikku used his resistance to brace herself as she lunged towards the glyph pad. Rikku, the clever Al Bhed she was, was moving faster than she was really thinking. She wanted to go to the other chamber before Tidus came back out, and literally took all the hard earned (and stolen) money she had gotten for the group, only to spend on this dumb fayth.

Auron staggered forward with the force of her yank, trying to reel her back upright- whether to protect her from falling on the glyph, teeth first, or holding her back, she didn’t care. 

“Ah- dere they go again.” Wakka said, annoyed, as the light slammed them to the right just as Rikku activated the opposite arrow.

Rikku was developing a grudge against this cave, fighting to steady her stomach and head. 

Auron was holding onto her belt and she moved her leg around to find footing. He released her, making a disgusted sound. “You have no patience.” 

She fell on the dirt floor, “I have no- _ hurk- _patience? Ugh-treasure!” She crawled to a chest that looked to have been pushed loose. It was wrapped in Al Bhed ribbons, offerings and memories left behind. 

She thought of all of the angry Al Bhed, all the ones who fought to stop themselves from burning up and drowning in their own hurt, the ones with a death wish. Her sadness spiked in her and she felt her throat close up. Auron seemed the same. It seemed like it was just going to go on forever, with different people for different hurts.

She said, trying to bring herself back to reality, “Hey Auron, has Tidus ever, like, negotiated for anything properly?” 

Auron, re-adjusting himself, “His contract for the Abes. Why?” 

“Was he good at it? Because Yunie is the type of person to sort of pay the- uh full price.” At least, she reasoned, she didn't say 'ultimate.'

Auron, despite his obvious irritation at her antics, saw where she was going and let her know with a clear, “Hmmph.”

Rikku unbound the chest and plucked a beautiful sphere from the box. “Ohhh- nice. But it’s not even close to a hundred thousand gil.” She put it away and settled into the next chest, this one having tumbled far away from the wall shelf. “What’s a fayth need gil for? Do they even have pockets? We’re not paying that fayth his asking price. No way. That’d wipe us out so bad we wouldn’t be able to survive up Gagazet.”

She opened the next box to see potions. She smiled, a little melancholy as she tucked them away, scrambling back. She bumped Auron as she claimed a spot on the glyph pad. She huffed, “And you’re going to learn how to block a hit or somethin’ because there’s no way that’s going to help all of us survive either.” 

They stood there for an awkward moment, waiting for the glyph to light up again so they could get teleported back to the central chamber. 

“I didn’t know it was such an inconvenience for you to not get hit.”

Rikku threw up a hand to lightly smack Auron, waving her fists around. “Shut up. It’s not funny.” 

“Has anyone ever told you that you are mercurial?” Auron said, and she got the feeling that he was laughing at her, the tsk in his voice like he was renouncing her, or maybe accusing her of being too young.

She wasn’t sure what mercurial meant, but she thought of the Mercury Celestial Weapon and day dreamed that maybe her destiny was bigger than this stupid, pyrefly lit cave standing next to a man that she wanted to hang onto and protect, and fight with about what he thought, and kiss - she sighed heavily tapping her boot on the platform. She blew air into her cheeks, upset with herself, because _ was she not over this? _

She jumped up and down, saying “C’mon, C’mon!” The glyph pad still would not light up and Rikku hung her arms, “Ugh, did Tidus get distracted or something?” 

“They’re deciding on whether to retrieve us and how to stop you from dodging the payment.” Auron told her like he knew.

“That-” she scoffed, “-seems-” she sputtered. “Well, okay yeah, probably that.” She crossed her arms and tried not to remember how shocked Auron looked, how close she was to his face. She was standing too close to him, she could see the red coat in her peripheral vision and it flooded into her senses. 

“Lulu is troubled.” Auron said.

Rikku looked up at Auron who turned his head to look down at her. Rikku pouted and looked away. 

There was further silence and Rikku selected her next comment carefully, not really understanding what Auron was trying to bring up, but she figured he was probably fishing. Sly fox **[17]**.

Rikku decided on analysis and gave her observation, “She- won’t be a very good negotiator.” She conceded, quickly trying to show that she wasn’t biased, “Normally, I’d say Lulu should do it- she’s real tight fisted, but honestly it should probably be… well me. Back me up though, because I dunno if a fayths gunna listen to lil’ ol’ Rikku.”

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with last nights- hnng-” The light blasted them back into the central chamber and Rikku saw the group around her for just a second before she felt like she was sucked backwards through her stomach. 

Completely sick, her poor lunch rumbling back up dangerously, Rikku covered her mouth and fell to her knees off the platform onto a woven mat. A voice sang the hymn of the fayth, a deep voice that was not made for song but still it vibrated in her bones. 

Auron stepped off, close to her. She could practically feel him looking at her, so she held up a hand and waved him forward as she steadied her breath and blinked the wobbles away. The cave was dirty, like the cave in had caused everything to be layered in filth. But she crawled forwards to keep up, her stomach sliding to her throat.

“Ahhh- woaahh-” There was a magnificent statue, perfectly life-like. A man with long dark hair bound over a naked back was trapped under white ribbons with writing. One hand pressed the hilt of his blade out of the sheathe, his other forever reaching to draw it forth. The statue, faceless, turned towards an enemy that they could not see. She saw the metal of the blade gleam. Banners and ribbons nailed into the earth acted as ...seals.

She pulled herself up, staggering to her feet. A ruggedly handsome, armored man, with long dark hair and an adorable dog floated transparently over the statue. 

“This- is a fayth?” She went to huddle near Auron.

Auron was standing very still, an expression of intense dislike on his face.

Rikku felt like her ears were clogged, like how they had gotten clogged going up in the airship too fast. Adding to her confusion, she could hear nothing but the sound of the song. She yanked on her ear and moved her jaw vigorously. The Fayth ghost’s mouth moved. 

Auron looked to be speaking as well- they were trading words and Rikku squinted and patted her head. 

She was suspicious, “Am I not supposed to be in here? Is there something wrong?” Then she started to yell so she could hear herself, “This isn’t exactly the best hymn I’ve heard. Are all fayth trapped like this or just the rude ones?” 

Auron looked at her and then waved his hand threateningly at the ghost man who crossed his arms and replied. 

Rikku could suddenly hear Auron, “-here to negotiate for _ our _Summoner. That is all.”

The Fayth looked at her, saying expectantly, “You seek my strength, you must pay my price.” 

Rikku huffed, “Now-w, I get to hear, well that’s fine because all I need to say is there’s no way we’re going to be able to pay you that much.” Rikku eyed the Fayth ghost and then the statue beneath. 

The Fayth looked at her stonily, his eyebrow raised just high enough. She blinked. He looked almost _ familiar. _ She looked at Auron, who was flicking his finger and thumb together in a fist, watching her behind his glasses. 

She narrowed her eyes, and put her fists on her hips at the edge of the pit. The dog picked their ears up and drew it’s head forward like it was sniffing the air. She drew her mouth together to prevent a smile and to keep her looking serious.

She crossed one arm in front of her, and raised the the other so she could look at her nails. “Ew-” Her nails were pretty gross, all chipped and they had blood and dirt under them, but she remembered the game. A ghost man was no different than a Nomad Forager, or a Besaidian Cloth Baron, or a Kilika Sugar Queen. “How about we agree that a better starting price is like- closer to the upper hundred twenty five thousand?” She raised her eyebrows. 

The dog came closer to her, wagging its tail as if it weren’t sure it should be. 

The Fayth scoffed, “A starting price, _ agreed _-” 

“Super-riffic!” Rikku said, clapping her hands, enjoying her small trap, “Then my next offer is around a hundred and twelve thousand and some-” she shook her hand, quickly finishing the calculation in her head and trying to play it off as a dramatic pause, “-two thousand five hundred gil, and some change.”

The Stolen Fayth curled his lip and looked at Auron while pointing to her, “Who is this girl-child, I much preferred dealing with the boy and the Summoner.” 

“Hey!” Rikku snapped her hand, jumping up and down. The dog sat, tilting its head so that one snowy ear pointed up.

“You deserve this.” She had never heard Auron speak with such poisonous mirth in his mouth.

She turned back to the Fayth, trying not to look at the dog, being cute, “So?”

“At the very least you should be grateful to offer me thousands upwards of two hundred thousand gil.” The Fayth seemed like he was lecturing her, which was perfect as far as she was concerned. The art of the verbal contract with untrustworthy vendors relied on some amount of trickery and holding the court.

Rikku bowed, one hand over her chest, the other as far out as it would go. She popped back up, “My offer then is-” she paused again, calculating. She put her beautiful new glove under her chin helping her look imperiously at the ghost man, then pointed, “-One hundred forty one thousand, and a- handsome- seven hundred and a half.” She had made the mistake of looking too long at the man’s face, and couldn’t help the slip. She looked at the dog, embarrassed, but said into the dogs big brown eyes, “Cuz’ you’re a handsome dog.” 

The dog opened its mouth in a toothy grin, a splotchy tongue lolled out.

The Fayth grunted, “Hn-” 

Rikku snapped her head over to Auron, then wide eyed looked back to the Fayth ghost. 

The Fayth, surrounded by melancholy trappings and a neglected religion, sighed, “I refuse to go further than one hundred and ninety thousand gil. The dog is only worth three hundred and fifty- he likes you too much.” 

Rikku’s smile popped out. She crouched in front of the dog, reaching for it wistfully with both hands. She wanted to pet it, even though it’s lion dog form had kicked her in the stomach.

Auron walked up to her. She spun up to face him, biting her lip. She knew when the end of the line had been reached. The price would leave them with enough to cover lodging, but it wouldn’t cover food, or the resupply of emergency potions, plus any contingency funds. 

She shook her head, pulling on Aurons haori and gestured her hand so she could bring him close. He bent down and she leaned in. Her heartbeat in her wrists and her neck suddenly distracted her as she pressed her mouth close to his ear and whispered, “It’s still too much.”

He looked at her and lowly returned, “The fayth have excellent hearing.”

Rikku blushed, his breath on her face was warm and smelled strange, but he was so close.

The Fayth was smirking, his dog back at his side, panting. “The Al Bhed. Such curious creatures.” 

“Who you callin’ creature, Mr. turns into an aeon dead guy!” Rikku tried to banish her embarrassment with bravado.

Auron, with a gesture quelled her, “Are you sure?” He asked, as if he was at the farplane gates but would follow her in anyway. 

Rikku swallowed. She nodded. It wouldn’t be safe to pay him, but it also meant that Yuna would go without an aeon. 

Sensing her disquiet, Auron drew his hand upwards so she would look at him in his eye once more, “We don’t need him. It’s not important.” 

Rikku squirmed and rose her shoulder, thinking of her cousin’s disappointment.

Auron said, “I promise.” He tilted his head and his russet eye was soft. 

She blew air into her cheeks again and turned to the fayth, “You gotta stop sellin’ your buddy short. We’ll be back when we can pay the puppy his due- gotta be at least like three times what you’re worth.” She said. 

The Fayth barked a laugh, “The cheek. Well then, do come back soon to insult me further, Bedohl woman.”

Rikku looked at him strangely. The Fayth waved his hand at them dismissively, and then she was looking at Kimahri guarding the broken chunks of the cave. 

“You’re back!” Tidus exclaimed.

Yuna got up from where she was sitting by Lulu, “Did you - did you succeed?” 

Wakka whistled, “Dat’s a lotta gil.” He glanced at Lulu, who was watching, blankly. 

“No.” Auron said definitively. “Let’s move on.” 

Tidus and Wakka exclaimed loudly, Yuna started to protest. Auron brushed them off and walked past them. 

Wakka looked at Rikku, with suspicion, “What happened?” 

Auron turned sharply, “The Fayth _ liked _ her. And she reduced his absurd price by a considerable amount. It still wasn’t enough.” 

Wakka held up his arms and took a step back, about ready to pour out an explanation to Rikku.

But Auron continued, “Yuna- you do not need this aeon. Your father didn’t.” He turned. With varying amount of unease the party followed him to the chamber entry way. 

“Um- guys? Let’s use this.” Rikku had a feeling that the fayth would propel them to the pad at the front of the chamber now that his ego was satisfied.

  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

A pair of Crusaders holding torches saluted Auron, and advised that their party wait until dawn to make the icy cave trek to the Ronso village at the base of Gagazet.

Lulu had apologised to the group for the delay, but Yuna stopped her. While Rikku was trying to fall asleep on her own pallet bed in the shared bunk room, she strained to listen to Lulu and Yuna’s whispered conversation that night. Auron was outside, running late night training sets with the Crusaders, and their call and responses were faint but much clearer than whatever they were talking about. They fell silent for a moment as Aurons unmistakable steps thudded by the tarp. She thought she heard metal on metal, and then they resumed their whispered talk.

She felt paralysed with her wish to eavesdrop and her wish to avoid Lulu who would inevitably cause her to feel alone and more like _ Al Bhed _ was an insult.

When she woke the next morning, she couldn’t remember having fallen asleep, but Lulu was there. 

Lulu sat on the edge of her bed, but she was looking the Crusaders wall. They were alone. Rikku’s stomach twisted and she slid up right, the scratchy blanket bunching over her thudding insides.

Lulu spoke. “I was....scared. I never wanted Yuna to worry about having anything taken from her.” Lulu turned her head to look at a wide eyed Rikku. “One day, I will tell you why. It just- hurt too much.” Lulu crossed her arms and turned away. 

Rikku curled up, cold out of her blankets. She was willing to listen, but she was still uncomfortable and still waking up.

“I lost my temper.” Lulu said, wryly. 

Rikku got out of bed, “Mm- it was more than that though.” Rikku said, trying to keep light. She put on her boots and didn’t want to look at Lulu’s reaction. 

Lulu said, “You were protecting Yuna- I see that now.” 

Rikku popped up and placed her hands behind her back, “Yeah, I was, but that wasn’t all either.” 

Lulu looked afraid. 

Rikku didn’t want to hurt Lulu, but she was done with not saying stuff, “I wasn’t just protecting her, I was upset because- it’s something sacred, you know. Choosing to live- to be.”

Lulu’s eyes shone, and she looked away again. Rikku bit her lip and went to leave.

“I’m- sorry.” Lulu said. 

Rikku her hand on the tarp, paused. She went back to Lulu and hugged her. 

Lulu cried nicer that Rikku ever had, but somehow it made Rikku hurt more because Lulu’s tears were silent.

Rikku patted Lulu’s fur because it was soft, and ran her fingers over the beads on Lulu’s glossy braids. “Does Yunie know? That you’re sorry?” 

“I spoke with her last night.” Lulu patted under her red eyes, smearing her coal lining. “I want her to experience love. If she finds it now- then who would I be if I stopped her?"

Rikku didn’t know who she would be if she let Yunie die, so she maybe understood.

Lulu nodded, “She’s determined.” For the first time Rikku saw how much Lulu wished Yuna wouldn’t.

Rikku pulled her in for a hug again and whispered, “We’ll think of another way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:  
Please if you have made it this far- write to me! I want to know what you think!
> 
> Glossary 
> 
> 14:Calibration Bloom [Lymepnydeuh Pmuus]: Virginity is not a concept that the Al Bhed people share. They do not think of virginity as a quality or as a possession- therefore it cannot be taken away or given, it is an experience, and the first experience is the first blossoming, a debut performance is the way that we can think of it though an Al Bhed is mostly inclined to think of it as a trial run or pilot test, or in some cases, a calibration of physical sensations.
> 
> 15: blood-won treasure//gain ill-seen: “Risk big// Win Big” -Cid  
Cids phrase has a flip side. It’s not really a phrase that the Al Bhed like to use, but it’s often a phrase attached to the ‘Risk’ they often take. Normally, they like to focus on the good stuff, but Rikku’s feeling a little vulnerable emotionally at this point.
> 
> 16: Death-Seeker: [taydr caagan] - It's sort of a dirty word in the Al Bhed- Gippal uses the term in FFX-2. It's related to the other foul words and curses Rikku uses to describe and hate the Guado.
> 
> 17: Sly fox: [Cmo Vuq]: It’s interesting to me that the man in the Travel Agency refers to Cid as a ‘fox’- it seems to be a term of exasperated endearment and back handed praise for one being cleverer than one presents.


	7. Ties that Bind, Edge that Cuts

The ice of Gagazet trail and the cold of Zanarkand had wept itself away in the last dawn of a new hope.

Rikku was on the Farenheit with a new plan, and her_ zuo uv mejehk _ [joy of living ** [****17.]** had returned to her with a fierce heat. She was nearly dancing in her seat, looking at the ships logs and maintenance reports while she ran a program searching for Al Bhed ruins, but even having fun she was the only one who noticed things. “_ Vydran _\- pressure spikes! Brothers been accelerating way too willy-nilly!” 

“[_ Rikku! You do not have yell everything - and you do not have to yell it in common _ **[18.]** _ !]” _ Her brother yelled from above, waving his arm, but he kept his eyes on the sky. Well, that was at least one thing he was doing right, Rikku thought with vague fondness. She met the goggled eyes of Buddy, who also sat under her brother, across from her at the secondary navigational panel desk. 

Buddy shook his head and placed it in his hand.

_ “[We’re not the only ones around!]” _ She hopped out of her seat and walked to the admittedly empty center deck of the bridge. After Wakka’s sweet, but awkward, apology, Lulu and Wakka went to brave the mess hall so as to meet and eat with the Al Bhed on the airship. _ “[Why don’t you learn common so you can yell in two languages!]” _

_ “[Why can’t they learn?]” _ Brother burst out.

_ “[Because it’s bad for our secret missions! And Father’s been asking for me to say things twice ANYWAY!]” _

Cid had not looked away from blipping reports on the screen. The warrior monks were raiding several Al Bhed outposts, and their mercenaries could only be in so many places at once. Transmissions were coming in from everywhere, and she knew her Pops had a bit more on his mind than navigation and maintenance. 

Her Brother turned around, shrill. “[_Maybe it’s because of your dumb-head!] _” He was frustrated, only because he was stuck at the helm, she knew, but she still stuck her tongue out at him.

“[_Your sister may be dumb sometimes but I wouldn’t throw those rocks ye got from your own head- you best keep ‘em all in there! _ ]” Rikku rolled her eyes as her Vydran chastised Brother- _ now _ he pays attention. “[_Stop pumpin’ the ships acceleration and decelleratin’ so fast! _”] Cid yelled.

Rikku said, with energy, “That’s not going to fix it _ now _.” 

A tech burst in, thumping their chest once before stating, “[_Vibrations in the sphere gel room are destabilising pistons in the engines- _]”

“Rikku- [_you got an] _ hour or so _ [before you disembark] _\- git to it.” Her Vydran was many things, but a stickler for detail was not one of those things.

“I may need some help.” Rikku said, rubbing her cheek. She looked over at Buddy, who perked up.

“Yeah-yeah- this one’ll do? [_Yeah, you go with her-] _” Her Father was distracted, reading and responding to the comm-reports. 

“_ Irr... _[Uhh].” The tech sounded trapped. 

Rikku, looked back and forth between the tech and Buddy. She watched Buddy slouch back into his station of ‘keeping an eye on Brother’.

She rocked back and punched her hand out, “[_If putting a call on the speakers out to see if anyone’s an expert in mech-wrangling is _ ** _too much work_ ** _ , father _ -]” Rikku gestured for the tech to follow her out, and opened the hall door. “I’ll just take the one who came running because they _ didn’t _know how to fix it with me for help.” She turned away, hoping that her Vydran would get the hint, but she took in a sharp breath when she saw Auron, leaning in his customary spot. 

The tech eased out behind her and the door closed. “[_I am watching the rest of the engines… _]” they trailed off and she said, “Huh?” 

The tech edged towards the other door, “[_The engine room- I’m in charge of the left and right turbine _ engine room_s_ ? _ I go back and forth- I’m needed back at my station. _]”

“_ Fryd- _?! [What]” Worry tensed her shoulders to her ears, “I need help!” she ran up to the tech. 

The tech looked at Auron, “Sorry, [_I__ must watch the _ engine room _ and I’m sure _ Elder Cid _ will send out a message _ . _ Besides, you just need muscle, right? _]” They tilted their head towards Auron, and their mouth frowned like they was suggesting something that had merit. 

Rikku huffed and waved her hand at the tech and then turned to Auron who had uncrossed his arms. “Sooo-” she said as the tech hurriedly left. 

“What is it?” 

“Wanna move some heavy stuff for me? I guess?” 

Auron pushed off the wall and his heavy boots thucked on the metal grating. 

“Right. Gotta get a work suit real quick, and something for you.” Rikku said as she opened the next door. 

Auron fell into line next to her. An electric wave tightened her back and her fingertips tingled with sensitivity reminding her of the Thundaga sphere she had absorbed. She resisted the shudder, and tried to smother down the rise of peculiar tension she had when Auron was near her now. 

Auron had been...different. In many small ways that she had collected and secreted away to horde. It was a pile of fascinating observations, interactions, irresistible for her to pick apart.

She reached her cabin. The quick _ sching _ of the doors, after punching in her code, revealed a bunk room. It was quite small, technically a work space with sleeping quarters. But she could call it her own. 

She went digging for a work suit in the drawers, hoping that one had made its way here after the last haul and order.

Auron paused in the doorway, looking at the loft bed, the small window and the desk cluttered with items. She was crouched, pretending she was totally focused on her task.

He was oddly quiet, but then again, so was she. 

She _ felt _ his cry of resistance. She _ understood _ that hit Yunalesca struck. She knew Rin’s side of the story ten-ish years ago. Rin makes her hot chocolate with everything on it, and Auron just thinks that she doesn’t know stuff Rin knows?

She moved a small package of supplies with tea and rations, shifted some ribbon and feathers for her memories, and she touched the skin of a work suit for the generalist that she was. She unfolded it and held it up. She missed the pink color of her last, but was thankful she didn’t have any of the diving gear and straps weighing her down. 

Auron moved outside.

“Wait- I’m just going to put it on over my clothes- you’re fine.” Auron was still turned away. “Hey, but you should wear this.” She hit a drawer under her desk and tilted her head to it. 

Auron hesitated in the doorway. She pressed a button so her bed would retract up further, because the room was kind of small if you weren’t Rikku sized.

Rikku walked backwards to make room for him. A moment later the door swiped closed. 

“It’s not done all the way but-” She jumped her butt up on the small window sill, the ice cold temperature at her back heightening her awareness of her skin.

Auron opened the drawer, and she tried squeezing her boots down in the suit- unzipping and adjusting. 

He drew out a bracer. Each fold in the metal nested a gem fragment, alternating red or blue. Along the cuff and the edge two gem settings gaped empty. She scrunched her face, forcing her leg into her suit while cringing at the missing pieces in the bracer she could see from her perch.

He looked at her and held it up questioningly. 

“Lucky I started it. It’s for the steam- in case something happens. Don’t think we have a suit for you.” Rikku got her other boot in and then yanked it over her legs, jumping down from the sil. 

“I’m gunna need it back at some point though- I have big plans for it, I'm going to call it 'Glutton'- but you can keep it.” The hard part of her work suit now done, she edged towards him. He unbuckled his current bracer. “Wanna keep you around, you know?” Rikku said, her hands behind her back. 

Auron paused, for just a half a breath but she flicked from his task to his face, searching. He didn’t look at her. He placed his current bracer in his inventory, and began towards the door, lining up his new bracer on his corded forearm. 

She slapped her face lightly with both of her hands, to get her overly affectionate thoughts in line. 

“Oh- Rikku.” Rins cool voice was just outside. “I was just on my way to alert the bridge that there’s trouble in the stabilisation room.” She side-stepped around Auron who was buckling his bracer unusually slowly. Rin made a perfunctory bow and looked at her with a pleasant if not genuine smile, “I see… you are already preparing?” 

Rin’s common was so much prettier than her Dad’s midland desert accent, Rikku thought, pleased he was always polite. She smiled, “Yup! Did Pops put out a call for a tech-gineer ‘cuz I can handle it but- there’s a chance that I might also blow things up.” 

Auron looked sharply at Rikku. 

She shrugged at him and shook her head, tossing her arms up, “Probably not though! But that’s why I gave you that!” Rikku tapped Aurons bracer. 

Rin gave a little laugh, and said, “I know just the individual to send, _ meddma mekrd _ [Little Light **[19]**. Now, it is best that you be on your way.” He bowed again. 

Rikku nodded and nearly skipped down to the room, waiting at corners and doors as Auron slightly increased his steady pace. 

She got to the stabilisation room and coughed at the steam that rolled out. Rikku squinted her eyes, holding her hand up to stop Auron. She quickly slipped on her sleeves and bent so she could zip up the rest of her suit. She looked at Auron, his face as serious as it was before a battle. 

“Alright, I’m going to have to check on the-” she waved her hand in front of her face, realising the explanation was a waste of time,“You’re going to need to turn... ‘wheels’ to the-” she gestured as if a valve were in front of her, trying to remember, “-this way, okay?” 

He nodded.

She pulled on her goggles and went in, “Aww what?! How is that anything _ like _ \- okay, maybe I could see how, but _ this _doesn’t make sense.” She grabbed a large, heavy wrench hanging by the door. The repairs to the ship had been a fast patch job, and some of her advice about the pipe construction was taken a little too literally. Or maybe, she winced, she wasn’t exactly focused. Talk about risk big, win small annoyances. She adjusted some of the vents complaining exasperatedly, “They put two of the pipes in front of one of the panels!”

Rikku quickly took stock and estimated the success of her haphazard plan, “Auron!” She was standing front and center. 

He came in and she pointed to a valve on one side of the entry, “Turn _ that _till the panel there is in the white, and then I’m going to need you to lift this-” she jumped and slapped a pipe. “Oh, but use your glove, kay?” 

She moved quickly, unscrewing some bracings so Auron could lift the pipe to where she could reach the panel. She was trusting him with keeping it lifted as she worked. She had to place her body between the pipes, leaning over to reach the user panel that had been walled in behind the new repairs. 

The heat and cold between the pipes were getting to her. She braced her weight on her thick kneepads, trying to protect her stomach from cooking. She strained to get directions and or a report from the user panel, using the heavy wrench to tap at things, her arms shaking from the effort.

“[_ Sand for brains] _ the whole bunch of them- what did they save _ [like] _ two hours _ [of work or like three feet of pipe] _ \- bet they were _ [thinking with the wrong pipe] _ ugh-.” 

“[_ Pipe thoughts lead to pipe dreams, _ ** [20.]** _ huh?] _” 

Rikku froze. She knew that voice- there was a rush in her ears, excitement mixed with a giddy fear that she was wrong. She slapped the panel and wiggled her way back. 

The voice laughed. 

She knew that laugh, too! She turned and saw him- nearly white blonde hair, skin more sun kissed than hers could ever get, the lightest greenest eye, an eyepatch! She jumped on him in a hug. “Gippal!” She yelled, wrapping her arms around his head, squeezing her legs around his body. 

Gippal staggered back with the force of her hug. “[_ Woaah there.] _ ” He said softly, squeezing back before he patted her sharply, “[ _ Rin told me you’re having trouble _.]” 

She immediately jumped off, and he reached out, fast, stopping her from banging her head, while slipping the wrench out of her hand. Gippal waggled his one eyebrow, spinning the tool in the air and catching it. 

Rikku gasped and said, “Oh! Yeah [_ I think I got it on the panel _-] Oh, Auron!” She looked towards Auron, visibly sweating, silently holding up the pipe she had squeezed between with both hands.

Gippal looked back at Auron, surprised. He pointed the wrench, “What do you know- hey, it’s you- jackass!” He said delightedly. 

“What?!” Rikku jumped and smacked Gippal in the shoulder. 

“Chill out.” Gippal said, and then gestured to Rikku. “We go way back.” 

Rikku held her head, feeling like she was ten and smitten with Gippal all over again- a nervous, blushing, dopey wreck- was he talking about Auron or her?

Gippal started giving her directions, and hopped up over to one valve. He started banging around and shee followed his lead, shouting what she learned so far. They had the pressure spikes smoothed over in no time flat. 

Rikku crept up to Auron, after she was done re-adjusting the bolts so the pipes he was in charge of holding were once again secure, “Sorry about Gippal- he can be annoying. Such a meanie.” 

“Hmm- he thinks I’m supposed to be the jackass.” Auron said, stretching his arm.

“Well- sometimes you can be, but no way he’s allowed to call you _ that _! Not while I’m around and on my Pop’s ship.” Rikku poked the bracer, trying to change the subject to something she understood, “This worked alright?” 

It was still shimmering with the absorptive quality of his bracer, and the steam, and she watched him stretch for more than just watching his arm stretch. She wanted to be sure it worked right, she told herself.

Gippal jumped off from where he was fixing something, slamming down on the floor and standing up, resting the wrench on his shoulder. “‘Sup.” 

Rikku was reminded why he drove her crazy in other ways, “Ugh- show off.”

“It’s fixed. Yo- Cid’s girl. Shouldn’t you go tell Cid?” Gippal tapped the wrench on his shoulder, pointing at her all while walking backwards to hang it back up. 

Rikku felt weird, feeling a smile and her body swing. A whole year goes by after he just _ kisses _ her, then runs off to join the _ church _ soldiers, and he didn’t even explain, and now, _ now _ he thinks he can just send her off, like she’s a kid or something, calling her _ that, again. _

She tapped Aurons shoulder, and beckoned him, “C’mon.”

“Ah Cid’s girl- not everything is about you. Sometimes I want to chat man to man.” Gippal said. 

“Huh?!” Rikku waved her arms wildly. “[_ You want to talk with _ ** _ him_ ** _ ? No- we’re busy.]” _ She shoved Gippal bodily out the entry, all the way to the other side of the hallway. Auron followed them out, but remained by the door. Rikku lightly beat on her childhood friend’s chest with two fists, _ “[Also, what about me, huh? You not even gunna say anything to me?]” _She hadn’t even known if he was alive for a year.

Gippal’s sharp features turned fox like. He smiled and leaned an elbow on the wall, picking up his leg and bracing it on his other boot. “[_ We can talk later, I’ll stop by your room tonight. For old times sake, sure. Like when we were kids.]” _

Rikku’s heart thudded in her ears, looking at his face both familiar and uncanny. Her eyes felt strained, while her pupils dilated, making the hallway seem much brighter than it was. He seemed different, this Gippal. She wasn’t sure she knew him any more. She leaned away as he leaned over her.

Auron growled, “She’s busy tonight.” He stood in such a way that when he turned to her, it forced Gippal to stand back or risk imbalance. “We disembark soon.” Auron began to march down the hallway where she saw Rin had been standing, patiently waiting to be acknowledged. 

Rikku blinked, and her whole body broadcasted her confusion for a jittery second before she bolted after Auron. 

Gippal called out, “Just wanted to say thanks- for helping me pick a fight.”

Rikku was going to blurt out a response she hadn’t fully thought of, but Auron said, still walking, “I did nothing.”

Gippal smirked and rubbed his hair. He gave Rikku a sharp salute and spun away down the hall. 

Rin raised one hand, “Am I to understand the repairs are finished?” but Rikku skittered past him. 

“Yeah it’s _ fixed _ already, geez. What’s it to ya Rin?” Rikku said, steamed at Gippal. 

Rin joined them, matching her pace with his longer legs more gracefully. “I have many businesses and it is nice to be able to visit them frequently.” Rin said. 

While Rikku recognized polished sand** [21.]** when she heard it, she was fixated on a different, more pressing mystery.

She jumped, and stretched her arms out to stop Auron from his march. “Hey!” Rikku frowned very seriously. 

He continued to walk around her. “We must inform Cid.” 

She ran in front of him again, this time trying to strengthen her stance, “He doesn’t care. What was that all about, huh? How do you know Gippal? Why is jackass suddenly your favorite word?”

Auron inserted, before she could spew another question, “He was on Bikanel. I told him that in order to change what you wanted to change, you could not be worried about what other people thought of you.” He looked down at her briefly, annoyed, “I should have been more careful with my advice.” He gestured to walk past her and she put down her arms, watching him walk down the hall. 

Rin had not moved from where he had wisely decided to stop the first time Rikku threw herself in front of Auron. 

Auron continued, opening the next hall to the bridge, “Cid does not like me. You tell him it’s fixed so that we are not delayed.” 

Rikku bit her lip, and Rin came up next to her, hands behind his back. 

“It’s true,” Rin said.

“Right-o!” She said, happy enough with the explanation and that her old crush wasn’t dead and they went after Auron.

She entered the bridge, leaving Rin and Auron in the hall. Buddy was in the middle of connecting a nav-point request. Cid was directly connected to a comm-report on one of the screens.

“[_ Mission accomplished, casualty three. We need you to dock .2 pohls _ ** _[#8] _ ** _ West of the Agency. _]” The voice, Rikku realised, was Runnad’s. At his mention of mission cost, a dull ache of worry she had long since grown used to slid through her.

“[_ Confirmed. Boarding party number? _]” Cid commanded, pulling up another panel to alert the bottom deck. She peered around his shoulder, glimpsing that the transmission was coming from the Calm Lands Travel Agency. 

“[_ Request for delay of boarding for one man, out of four _.]” Aekynn’s voice she recognised, too. Cid felt her looking, and turned to glance at her.

“[_ What? Why- _]” Cid crossed his arms and tossed a hand up. Rikku tilted her head and gave a thumbs up, like ‘hey I fixed the problem!’ but he drew his eyebrows together, not understanding.

“[_ Request for delay of boarding. And for Rikku to disembark. If she so permits. _]” Aekynn’s voice was business-like. 

Tidus entered the bridge, looking as if he were excited enough to blurt something out, but her Pop’s tone stopped him short. 

“[_ State your reason. _]” Cid barked.

There were a few beats of silence from the other line before Runnad’s voice radioed in, light hearted but matter of fact. “[_ Purpose is to re-circuit _ **[22.]** _ , Cid. Kid’s gotta be off your ship _.]” Tidus stuck his face nosily into the frame of the transmission and Cid pushed him away.

“That ain’t no reason!” Cid said, “No!_ [No! Permission denied! Delay unacceptable- _ ]” Cid looked to Rikku, and then at Tidus who immediately threw his hands up. Cid doubled down, regardless, “[ _ She’s got a mission to get going with! _”] 

“Whatcha mean? [_ Whaddya need me down there for? _ ]” Rikku asked, interested because no one really ever asked to side-step the rule of the ship, and no one _ ever _ side-stepped her Vydran.

“It’s … I need-_ ” _ Aekynn stuttered, but Runnad came over louder as if he had bullied his way closer to the transmitter, “[ _ He’s got a void given truth! _ **[23.]** _ ]” _

The bridge erupted in shouting chaos just as Auron opened the bridge door, Rin behind him. Brother broke out in raucous laughter then choked and sputtered angrily, swinging the ship as he slammed on the acceleration. Auron braced himself as Tidus, thrown back, grabbed Aurons haori, furtively telling him what little he grasped of the situation. Rikku wasn’t paying attention because she and Cid were shouting, while Brother and Buddy fought for control over the main helm panel, all while the transmission from down below crackled and broken common and Al Bhed vyed for dominance. 

Auron raised his voice, “What is going on?” 

Tidus was quick to exacerbate the situation, shouting, “I was just going to say we should get out here- at the Calm Lands!”

“HA- change of plans, Pops!” Rikku pointed her finger at Cid. Buddy grabbed hold of Brothers head and gained control of the ship.

The vein in the side of Cid’s shaved head, the one his tattoo highlighted perfectly, was bulging as he shouted, “If he has somethin’ to say he can say it where I can hear it!”

Rikku darted away, laughing, pulling on Tidus who was still latched onto Auron. 

Tidus shouted, “Hey! Yeah, I gotta get the others!” and yanked on Auron. 

Rin seemed delighted as he followed the train led by Rikku out.

Runnad gave Rikku a thumbs up as she ran down the ramp, straight past the two guards checking the number of people getting on the Farenheit. No more guado sneaking on board this way, probably, Rikku thought, pleased. The older merc ignored Auron and only nodded to Rin, both of whom were thudding at a downhill pace behind her. Auron had sent Tidus to the mess hall, and Rin had decided, independently from Auron, to disembark with Rikku. 

Aekynn was standing on grass just outside the Agency, his shoulder bound and braced.

Rin had politely and gently held out his hand to stop Auron from standing too closely as Rikku was greeted by Aekynn. Auron recognised it was the same mercenary who had taken off his face mask to speak with her, so allowed the space. 

She rushed to the wounded mercenary, “What’d you need me for? Got a mission for me? Need some customization? Are you sure you don’t want a cure spell for that arm? What happened?” 

“Ah- please, slowly.” Aekynn said, rubbing his chin and smiling, eyeing the two behind her.

Rin politely but firmly directed Auron to the Travel Agency. She turned back to Aekynn, before seeing whether Auron moved.

“[_ What did you need me for _?]” Rikku chirped. 

Aekynn’s voice was bubbling with laughter, “_ Irr - _ I do not need you as much as I need _ du _ [to] tell you something.” His hazel green eyes were bright. He gave a small wave to Auron and Rin. Rin seemed to still be trying to encourage Auron elsewhere but the merchant sighed, and waved back from their somewhat polite distance away. 

Rikku rocked back and forth, impatient as usual. “What did you want to tell me, then? You don’t need a cure spell?”

Aekynn touched his shoulder, a bittersweet expression made him look distant before he pushed his dark blonde hair out of his face. “No, I want _ du _ tell you-” he licked his lips and gave a little shake to his head. He met her eyes. “[ _ I’ve been thinking Rikku, and I’ve been thinking about you _.]” 

He stepped forward and his nearness pushed the empty air between them into Rikku’s stomach. She became slack jawed with apprehension. 

Aekynn smiled and said, “[_ I’d like to see you more- get to know you better. _]” 

Rikku’s mind went very quickly, she had heard that boys, that this, that sometimes they _ would _ but she had _ never- _and maybe she liked him, but this was serious, and she was sort of really distracted right now, but it seemed so important to him. 

Watching her face, Aekynn began to stutter, “[_ I want to offer you my attention and- and- my- my touch. If y-you- you know- if you were maybe _-]” 

Rikku put up her hands and let out a nervous giggle, “Ah-hahaha- [_ that’s _-].” Her body seized as she remembered that they probably still had observers. She didn’t know if she could look at either of them right now, so she crossed her legs. Her face was turned down to her criss crossed boots, but she rolled up her eyes to look at Aekynns face.

He was looking hopeful and nervous, but she started, “[_ I have a lot going on now _...]”

Aekynn nodded, and then winced, and then gave her a thumbs up. 

She put her hands together and swung to either side. She continued, “[_ I don’t know if I have the time, or the attention... for you. _]” 

“[_ I understand. _ ]” He reassured her brightly, and then pinched his eyebrows together with his free hand. “[ _ I’m sorry because I knew-- the pilgrimage, your cousin, the end of the world as we know it but- _ ]” he scrunched his nose and shrugged his hand back at his side. “[ _ I didn’t want to miss a chance to say how I felt - if there was even a chance that -well- I guess it was just the void talking _.]” He finished lightly.

Rikku’s cheeks were hot, she was uncomfortable because she liked him, but she didn’t know if she liked him enough, and she had never done this before. Plus, every word he was saying brought up Auron’s face, and everything was conflated with the feelings that Gippal had raked through her.

“It’s okay Aekynn. I really- I hope to see you around.” She said, punching his good shoulder gently. 

Aekynn said, relief evident in his voice, “Yeah, I hope _ du _ stick around, _ duu _ !” He gestured up the ship, “You need _ du _ get people or you headed _ du _ the Agency?” 

Rikku smiled, she really did like him, “Maybe if you’re still on the ship when we get back? I’ll see you there?” She turned around- only to see that both Rin and Auron were gone.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Rikku had looked for Auron in the Travel Agency and found Rin, whom had told her that Auron was on the ship, fetching the others from the mess hall that Tidus had failed to return from. She sprinted past Aekynn, who then accompanied her to the mess hall.

She opened the doors to a press of people, jumping and dancing. Music was banged out in chants and claps, and boots on metal, and tinny strings and flutes. 

“Ah haa!” She cried, instantaneously happy. 

She shared a joyous look with Aekynn. He had snorted, as if he had expected this but was amused and resigned rather than annoyed.

The party in the mess hall was probably instigated at Runnads return and his subsequent shout of victory, Rikku guessed. Red flashed next to her and she saw Auron, holding onto Tidus’ ear. Tidus had his arms crossed, petulantly. Aekynn moved a bit behind Rikku and laughed nervously. 

“Kimarhi has Yuna. This one failed to get the others.” Auron tilted his head. 

She saw Wakka’s hair first, and it looked as if he was trying to learn a dance a few tables deep.

Lulu was clapping Wakka on, sitting on a few crates. An Al Bhed woman wearing goggles and a mini dress leaned over to tell her something, and Lulu laughed.

Rikku saluted Auron and then darted in the throng and hopped up on a bench for a short cut. 

She made it a few feet before Gippal stomped up onto the table, and held out a hand to her.

“You got a new dance partner, or can I have this one?” Gippal said, just as another woman and a man got up on the table, and started to position themselves into stomping, using the table as a new percussion instrument. 

Rikku, both suspicious and pleased he asked, said, “No, I gotta get to Lulu n’ Wakka!” 

Gippal looked towards the two Yevonites amidst the Al Bhed and grabbed her wrist, guiding her up, “C’mon.” 

Rikku said, “Hey!” but she followed him because she had followed him before, and sort of forgot she didn’t trust him with all the sounds of life around. 

Gippal wanted to jump to another table but Runnad spotted Rikku and pointed, while shouting, “[Rikku, _ show them how it’s done! _]” 

The press of people turned to her. The beat scattered as they re-focused their attention. A rattle started and Runnad forcefully started a song, “~[_ The ruins of the old city past, on sands of the white burned sea, appear and fade like a tattoo in veiny blue _]~” Runnad waved other voices to join him. 

Wakka and Lulu looked at her and she waved, jumping, and pointed behind her to the door. 

Gippal leaned over, “Not dippin’ out before sayin’ bye are you?” His eye flicked behind her. 

Rikku, with stage fright for the first time in her life, glanced back towards where Auron stood, one hand preventing Tidus from moving forward. Aeyknn had a_ paan [9.] _ already in his hand as a few others spoke with him earnestly.

Rikku pushed Gippal, “That's rich, coming from you! What’s with you?” 

Gippal smiled and started to clap and tap his leg as he picked it up and slammed it on the table. 

The first chorus of the _ Ahtina _ [Endure **[24.]**] song had finished, and everyone began to sing the chorus, lopsided and loud. Lulu and Wakka had started to make their way over to her. A bright happiness that had been slowly kindling, ignited. She started to dance, mimicking Gippals moves and adding some of her own and he wooped.

_ ‘~[But there, my friends, and they stood over me saying don’t lose yourself in grief, endure- endure endure!]~ _’ 

She telegraphed her leaps from table to table, heading back to the doorway. Wakka pumped his fist and guided Lulu through the clapping singing people.

~[_ Dunes of gold and winds of cold swipe at my breath and dry my eye and it’s the last I weep for my brother buried in the grass sea] _~ 

She leaped from the last table in a twirl, on the highest note of the chorus and landed in front of Tidus and Auron, Lulu and Wakka behind her.

“Let’s go.” Auron said, and dragged Tidus away. 

The shouts of the last line and chorus followed them out.

Beau, Sannam, Chu-ju and the Tawny chocobo were saddled and ready for their journey, Rin having already made the arrangements with Clo. He also provided them with another that had been trained by Clo while they were journeying through Gagazet, the mate for the scaredy Tawny, a more wary bird who was particularly vocal.

For the sake of speed, Rin had said, bowing, as Auron mounted Tawny. Rikku was happy because she got her own chocobo, who she promptly dubbed Sol-jiki after their brief bird conversation. She could canter as much as she wanted, the Calm Lands were cold but the grass smelled sweet and the sun was a pleasant warmth. 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

The Cavern of the Stolen Fayth, was a full sixteen _ pohlyml _[8.] away regardless of their extra bird. They returned, and the ominous, sad aura of the cave nearly tarnished Rikku’s mood before Auron did. Auron had lingered at the mouth of the cave, looking down into the gorge and up at the walls. They waited for him just inside the cavern.

Auron stated, tense like he had been in Zanarkand, “Rikku and I go first. No less than three guardians present with Yuna. Move quickly.” 

Unnerved, they had divided themselves up to journey using the glyph pads. Though no Crusaders welcomed them, the glyph pads had at least recognized them. It was instantaneous and only a little jarring for Rikku, but both her stomach and chipperness survived the squeeze. 

The rest of the group joined them in pairs, as the pad was really only big enough for two people.

They moved into the Chamber of the Fayth in the same formation.

Rikku only felt a little nauseated as the hymn began to thrum around them. Auron moved to the edge of the pit and she staggered after him. She gripped the purse she had won from the bet on Tidus, again wondering if the gil would be better spent elsewhere, already mourning the loss of her secondary wallet.

“Ah. You return.” The Fayth said. He crossed his arms as the dog bounded up to Rikku, wagging its tail. She smiled, delighted and waved to the faithful companion.

Auron didn’t say anything.

The Fayth said, “I see you brought your Summoner this time, and… _ more _ guardians. Interesting. A special summoner indeed to have so many at her disposal.” 

Rikku put her hands on her hips, addressing the fayth ghost. “Hey- we’re not getting thrown out! Not anymore!”

Yojimbo’s ghost looked at her and his gaze was heavy. Rikku’s skin crawled, and his expression shuttered. 

Yuna appeared by her side, “Honored Fayth, of whom they dare not speak your name,” she went to her knees, bowing lowly and then looking up, “Respectfully, no person is disposable. You are indispensable. We need your aid now, more than ever.” 

Rikku didn’t want to hit Yuna but she tensed her fingers over her cousins back, screaming in the back of her throat. 

Tidus piped in, “Yeah- it’s getting pretty confusing- we’re definitely going to need all the help we can get!”

Rikku covered her face with her hands, the bag of gil hitting the side of her head, heavy enough to hurt. “Owie.”

“We need your strength, to defeat the most powerful of enemies!” Yuna pleaded with poise.

The face of the ghost was stern but he tilted his head, bemused as he surveyed all in his chamber and listened to a call they could not hear. 

Lulu and Wakka were standing close to each other, in awe of the Fayth hovering over the raw exposed power of the statue. Kimahri had his arms folded, his spear set on the wall near him. 

“Hey um, Yunie? Maybe you could let me handle this one?” Rikku said, as sweetly as possible. 

Yuna blinked at her and stood up, glancing back at the Fayth, whom shimmered strangely. 

Rikku shooed the others away and took the center spot on the woven mat. She fixed the fayth ghost with a finger, “We agreed that one hundred and ninety thousand gil, plus three hundred and fifty for your handsome dog is a good offer.” 

Yojimbo scoffed again, smirking, and crossing his arms, as the dog barked, “Did we?” 

“Yes, we did.” Rikku mirrored him, crossing her arms. 

The dog had engaged Yuna, who was able to reach out and pet the ghost of the good boy. Yuna squeezed its face and scratched behind its ears.

The Fayth said, “I am bound by my contract and that of which my word is given.” His eyes slid to Auron. He uncrossed his arms and reached out with his entire hand, straight, “I am bound by many things, but my contract is such that I am compelled to fulfil it. My word given to those who do not seek to bind me, that at least, I do not seek to break.” 

Rikku shifted, watching the fayth and Auron stare at each other. Tidus grinned watching Yuna coo at the would be lion dog happily, and crouched by the aeon, too. He held out his hand for the dog to sniff. 

Auron turned and went to stand by the glyph pad. 

Rikku’s gut clenched, feeling a sense of urgency. The negotiations needed to close, and quickly. She thought fast, “I remember you short changing your buddy there, too.” 

“Indeed? I respect those who keep their word, regardless of what they are bound by.” The fayth ghost flicked his eyes to Auron, and then returned to her, approaching Rikku by the edge of the pit.

Her heart beat surged into her throat and she clenched her shoulders. There was something strange she noticed, in his voice, in his manner. But he looked down at her, immense and alien.

The Fayth stopped, and stood at the edge of the ribbon painted with the sealing magic.

The fayths voice changed texture, it was echoey, and Rikku felt it like she had felt Aurons voice on the chocobo the last time they were here. “We are all bound by our natures, Bedohl, regardless of our trappings. It is terrible to seek to bind another.” Rikku _ heard _ his words down deep, she felt the vibrations resonate within her and light upon a pearl of truth.

Yuna said from where she was patting the dogs head, “These...these are seals for _ you.” _

Rikku looked at the ghost, and for the first time felt that something was _ different _ about it. She could feel his presence like a tide under a boat. She swallowed heavily. 

Yuna walked around the pit as far as she could, looking at the writing that stretched over his statue. “They keep you from the farplane. They’re binding you to something.” 

Rikku only felt the Fayths voice, “Often we are faced with what look like choices, when in reality there is only one path. Do not be blinded to a false path.” His eyes were sorrowful, though his brow was drawn in anger, his mouth curled wistfully. Images pressed into her, a memory not her own, and she felt that something was coming just as she knew his words applied to _ her, _and as a blade flashed in her minds eye, maybe Auron.

Auron, from the glyph, said, “Rikku-” 

The others were watching her. She realised she had been frozen, staring at the Fayths face.

As she had promised, she dutifully, and secretly, counted out three times the amount that had originally been agreed upon. She threw in some spare change for good luck. She lifted the purse, but the air was slippery and impenetrable and she could not pass the seal.

The Fayth’s expression was unperturbed, and looked to Yuna. Yuna came over and held out her hands, cupped together to accept the purse from Rikku. Rikku withdrew, the Fayth watching her as she backed away. 

Yuna stood before the Fayth. “I- do not know how we will defeat Sin. We have destroyed the way to the Final Summoning. Please accept this as our humble offer for your immeasurable strength.” Yuna bowed, she held the purse over the seal and he held out his hand.

Rikku whispered, “Count it. Be sure it’s all there.” 

The Fayth plucked it out of Yuna’s hands and held it up to his eye for a moment, then looked at Rikku. The dog barked and leaned its body on the Fayth’s leg.

“This… is more than adequate.” He bowed. The ghost of Yojimbo looked to Yuna, and said with a trace amount of warmth, “You and I are more similar than what it appears.” He held out his hand, and Yuna held out hers, and he touched his forehead to Yuna’s delicate fingers. His form wavered. Yuna convulsed, breaking out in a sweat, the color draining from her face. Tidus and Rikku went to her side helping her to stand upright. If the Fayth speaking within her was any inkling of how accepting his entire being had felt, it was no wonder that the mountain bowed before Yuna’s will.

The Fayth of Yojimbo held out his hand again, palm down. Yuna blinked and cupped her palms once more, shaking. Two brightly glowing orange spheres clinked into her hands. Yuna bowed over the return offering. “Thank you.”

He nodded then said, “You must leave. And quickly.” Yojimbo waved his hand and they were dismissed from his chamber.

Yuna pressed the spheres into Rikku’s hands, with a smile, “I think he meant them for you.” 

Rikku was confused, but accepted them. She wanted to ask more, but Tidus ran up to the cavern path, his sword drawn. 

Auron lowed, “Wait!” he looked to Rikku and gestured at her and Yuna then jabbed toward the glyph pad. Fear hit the roof of Rikku’s mouth as she understood that Auron was asking them to run. Auron _ never _asked them to flee.

“I think there’s something over here!” Tidus said, turning to them. 

Rikku slipped the orbs into her inventory and grabbed onto Yuna’s arm, Kimarhi right behind her, his spear out. 

As she pulled Yuna backwards onto the glyph pad she saw a strangely garbed priest step out in front of Tidus. Dread sounded as a figure radiating gravity melted into being behind the priest.

Hesitation and terror petrified her. Yojimbo, wearing a shroud instead of heraldry, a funerary helm and oil streaked armor. The Fayth, she realised, had known and somehow, Auron had as well. 

Yuna, her face close to Rikku’s but turned towards the cave breathed a small horrified, “No.” 

Auron drew his blade and yanked Tidus back from the priest. 

Kimarhi roared, “Go now!” and slammed his spear down on the pad, launching Rikku and Yuna into the front of the cavern. 

Her heart erratic and instinct kicking in, she scrambled off and pulled Yuna with her. 

Yuna was angry, “We can’t leave them!” 

“They’re coming! I know they are- Auron knows we can’t fight it! He wouldn’t do something that dumb!” Rikku said fighting Yuna’s resistance, but she was stronger, and Yuna fell after her as Lulu and Kimarhi appeared. 

Kimarhi shouted, “Run!” and like liquid sprinted at Yuna, picking her up handily and throwing her over his shoulder. 

Lulu ran up, her dress lifted and clenched in her hands. The Moogle hopped after her. Lulu held out her arm trying to move Rikku forward.

Wakka and Tidus appeared a split second later, stepping off and breaking into a flat out run.

“Where’s Auron?” Rikku yelled as Lulu pushed her.

Lulu said, grabbing onto her arms, her eyes wide, “He’s coming.”

They turned to look behind them and Auron blinked in, leaping off the pad and hitting the ground heavily, shouting, “Run! Keep running!”

They ran outside, but the gorge was deathly silent save for Yuna’s distant protestations. Kimarhi had already made it up the slope towards the bridge to the Calm Lands and Gagazet.

Rikku skidded in the dirt, seeing Chu-ju’s downy white feathers drenched in bright red blood, laying where they had tethered the chocobos. “Oh no!” Rikku cried, tears springing to her eyes, Auron pounded up to her. 

“The others must have fled. Come, no time to waste!” He beckoned her and she ran with him.

The sun was low, the sky yellowing and the shadows deepening, they stood between the bridges. Tidus cupped his hands over his mouth and cried out, “Beau!”

A chocobo cry trilled out between the stones towards the Calm Lands, and Kimarhi set Yuna down. They all ran across the bridge and found bright yellow Beau, his beak bloody, his wing at an odd angle. Tawny and her mate, Sol-jiki were side by side, Sannam close behind Beau. Their leads were frayed and dangling. 

“Oh man,” Wakka said, with feeling upon seeing the chocobo’s. 

Tidus ran up to Beau and turned to Yuna urgently. She nodded and cast her white magic, while Tidus soothed the birds. Kimarhi approached Sannam who squalled and placed her head on his paw like hand, obviously distressed.

Lulu panted, “That- who was that? Who was he?” Her arms were rigid at her sides. 

“We must move from here, quickly.” Auron said.

Rikku bit her lip, her hands up by her face. “That -was an assassin.” She whispered, mostly to herself, but saying it aloud it somehow became more true. “That was an assassin priest. Wasn’t it? The church is sending people after us.”

“What? The Church don’t send out assassins ...” Wakka said, then reeled back, “Do they?” 

Lulu was shaking her head, but Auron demanded they hear him, “Yes.”

Kimarhi mounted Sannam and Tidus pulled Yuna up onto Beau.

“That’s- just- that’s not correct. They wouldn’t send assassins,” Lulu said, confusion clear in her voice. 

Rikku went to Sol-jiki who squawked and cawed at her. She reassuringly said to both the chocobo and Lulu, “I know- it’s scary… but they send out assassins.” She mounted Sol-jiki and encouraged the chocobo to approach Auron. 

She looked at Lulu and Wakka, “They send out assassins for Al Bhed leaders, and nomads who get too close to towns or maybe when they find something valuable.” She set her jaw stubbornly and moved up, standing in the stirrups so Auron could mount without trapping her ribbons. She had learned her lesson as she had learned many things. 

Auron clambered on Sol-jiki who gave a low whistle and flapped his wings at the weight. 

Auron rested a hand on her shoulder and she finished, regardless of whether he was using her rigid back to brace himself or lending her comfort, “I think you always knew that the Church sent out assassins.” Rikku said, without any malice. She turned the chocobo away before saying, “Maybe you just forgot that you could be one of them.” 

Tidus and Yuna were quiet from their chocobo. Yuna looked at Rikku with concern. 

Kimarhi pointed towards the sun with his spear, “Go now.” 

Lulu and Wakka mounted Tawny and they rode off, less than heroic, into the sunset.

  
  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Rin had approached her as she fiddled with a golden hourglass and the two spheres that Yojimbo had apparently gifted to _ her. _ She was in the common room. The rest of the group had left for the evening. She was struggling with a realisation that lived just behind the limits of what she was ready to accept. It had sat there like a stone sometime between Aekynn’s confession and Cavern of the Stolen Fayth. 

“Rikku.” Rin said, gently. 

She looked up at him, blinking. He crouched down by her. She looked away, his eyes were too soft and she didn’t want to look too closely at what she was feeling. 

“Would you care for some hot chocolate, _ meddma mekkrd _?” Rin said. 

Rikku scrunched up her face, she felt like she maybe was being patronized, but it had been a _ very _long time since she and Rin had shared a late night cup of hot chocolate, and he made it the best. 

“Alright.” Rikku stood up and followed him into the kitchen, leaving to door open to the empty dining room lit by dull glow. She took a seat at the small bar table in the kitchen. Minnaja had left to comfort Clo after the loss of another chocobo, so her quarters were dark beyond the adjacent door. They were alone.

Rin adjusted the lights to brighten and reached into a box. He unwrapped a block of cocoa, grown from the farthest reaches of the Al Bhed territories and chopped off a sizable chunk. 

He worked efficiently, and carefully. She watched him, comforted, feeling like she was hiding from the boys, or her dad, after getting into trouble in Home. Her life now, however, was not as simple. 

Rin turned to her, leaning his back against the counter. He was quiet, looking at her.

She looked around the kitchen, not quite ready to decide whether or not she was going to tell him what was on her mind. 

He gave a small snort through his nose. “I have witnessed a few gestures_ [for your attention and being] _today.”

Rikku put a hand to her forehead, “Oh yeah, what am I going to do with those two?” 

Rin laughed a bit, “[_ On the contrary, I think you have already decided about two of them for now. A third however...] _”

Rikku froze and tried to smile but it came out all stretchy and weird and she knew her eyes looked too crazed to be innocent. She didn’t even bother denying that there was a third person on her mind. Rin knew. She didn’t know how he knew. 

He let her remain silent. He started to chop the chocolate block into the thick creamy malt that has started to thicken. He added the peppers and spices, pinching generously. She came close watch him whip cream, set out sugar, and whisk the chocolate until it melted.

Rikku, ever the theif, stuck her finger into the sugar, and Rin tapped her hand with the tip of his ladle. “Ah. [_ Wash _.]” 

She took off her gloves and washed her hands dutifully. Rin lowered the heat and turned to look at her. She went back to the sugar and stuck her finger in then looked at it glitter in the light. 

She said, focused on the beauty of it, “Yunie… and Tidus. They’re in love.” She said. 

“Yes. I think so.” Rin said.

“I want them to be happy.” Her voice broke, “[_ I want them to be happy forever. _]” 

Rin was still. 

Her lip trembled. “Yunie isn’t going to...die- not like that. [_But she could die. They could die, you know. We could die _.]” 

She shook her head and sucked on the sugar then went to slump on the kitchen table. Her head resting on the flat surface, eyes lidded. 

She heard Rin finish the hot chocolate and then come over to the table. Two clunks softly heralded the hot chocolates arrival. A cloud of whipped cream, glittering with sugar and spices sat fatly with chocolate flakes, over the rich brown liquid. 

Despite everything, she smiled, warmed all the way to her heart and a thick giggle rose up from her chest. She grabbed onto the mug and slurped the cream and Rin smiled as he sipped his. 

“[_ You were saying _?]” He prompted. 

Rikku gave him a lopsided smile, “Well- maybe…[_I just thought that I would meet a person I love like- _ ] _ ” _ she thought of her Pops and how he never really _ looked _ after mom, but she didn’t know how to compare it, so she rushed “[ _ -and have a bunch of kids really young, let’s say. _]” 

Rin shrugged, “_[Yes, let’s say _.]” 

Rikku furrowed her brow and slurped her hot chocolate. “[_Let’s say I die, though _.]” 

Rin put his mug down abruptly, “[_Let’s not say.] _” 

Rikku shook her head, “Okay, okay! But- what if… I- I am alright with dying without getting you know, ‘married’ like Yunie probably wants, and having kids- you know as long as me dying was… it means something you know?” She looked at him, wincing, knowing that it wasn’t exactly the most happy of topics and she didn’t want to burden Rin. 

Rin was always so calm and he seemed to be listening so far, his face interested and peaceful.

“But if the person...well if someone that I- I mean…” she stuttered. She didn’t want to give herself away, especially not to herself so she drank her hot chocolate and let the sweet smells and spices drown her words. 

Rin patiently waited, stirring his whipped cream into his steaming mug. She eyed him, he had not put nearly enough sugar pillows or glittery sugar dust on his, but she focused on trying to explain what it was that was bothering her. 

“[_What if- what if I do die.] _ ” She said but then quickly at his raised eyebrow, “[ _ Or what if he dies- and…] _ ” she swallowed, the sting of mist at her eyes embarrassing. She looked down at her chocolate, putting one elbow on the table as she put her head in her palm. “[ _ I’ll never get to love, or have a chance to carry change _ ** [25.]** _ \- like having a kid. A bunch of kids, that never have to lose a mom- or a dad.] _” Her heart squeezed tears out of her eyes. She shuddered as the sob released itself but when she breathed in she was calm.

Rin touched her other hand gently. She saw his hand touch hers and greedily seized it. She would be so terribly sad, so terribly curious, if she never got a chance to reach out to Auron. She would miss it so terribly even if she never experienced it. Rikku had a small suspicion that she was being unreasonable. 

Her cheeks felt wet and Rin produced a lacy piece of cloth. She wiped her face with it.

After she had let the possibility air and had returned to the comfort of her nostalgia and sugar, he said, “_ Meddma mekrd _.” 

She gave a small little twist at her nickname. 

“[_We know _ …] dying is easy. [_Living is hard. Living alone is harder. But you _ , _ meddma mekrd _ , _ will never be alone. Your light, you inspire others to _ ** _live_ ** _ .] _” He smiled, a crooked toothy grin she knew was his. 

He shifted, “[_But we all flicker from time to time. You know this. _ ]” He continued his glass green eyes flinty, “[ _ Your fears are real. But- do not dwell on them _.]” 

Rikku felt her tears escape again and she hurriedly wiped at them but Rin stopped her and touched her cheek, tilting her jaw up. He shook his head, edges of his yellow hair brushing his sharp chin. 

“[_You wish to be a mother or you wish to be a carrier of change _?]” He asked with a faint smirk. 

She shrugged her shoulders, having kids was just what people did. They always wanted kids, since so many of them just… got taken. People found love young, tied the knot, and then people had kids. That was the way of things and the way things changed.

Rin rubbed her chin and smiled, “[_You light the way. You are hope._ _You carry so many things and you will be this regardless of whether you have children.]_” 

She smiled at him and Rin said, releasing her, “[_Whomever you wish to love, I am sure that he … returns your affections. _]” Rin said, firmly albeit cautiously. 

Rikku sniffled, wiping her eyes and swallowing away any snot to clear the way for more hot chocolate. “[_ Oh yeah, how are you so sure? _]”

Rin shrugged and sipped his drink. “[_This I feel is true,_ _but I did not say that it would be everything you wanted._]”

Rikku giggled, “Oh- _ [_**_everything _ ** _ I want, huh? _ ]” She scrunched her nose and raised her eyebrows, “[ _ How do you know everything I want, yeah _?]” She pounded the rest of what was in her mug before it got cold. 

Rin folded his hands and looked at her smartly, “I know enough.” He tilted his head, “[_ You remember my promise, yes? _]” Rin took her mug. 

Rikku bust out laughing, “[_You remember that? I think I was **five**.] _” She vaguely seemed to remember a particularly strong impression of being mad that she wasn’t included in a kissing game, and wanted a partner to kiss. She cried to Rin, who was always nice to her and made the best cup of hot chocolate in the world. During, she made Rin promise to marry her, having just learned the word and over using it as children often do, and he had, at the ripe old age of twenty five, decided that he would marry her when she was his age. Rin, cleverly, had stipulated, in addition to telling her that his precise language mattered, that he would marry her if she had no husband, wanted to be married and if neither of them were married. He was always good at verbal contracts. She had learned from the best. 

Rin’s smile closed, “Mmm, yes. A most difficult age. You broke into my store of chocobo feathers. _ [Your father was grieving as well, and you do not take no hot chocolate for an answer. _ ]” Rin said, droll as he collected her mug. Rin kissed the top of her head. “[ _ Now, I will keep my word to marry you. _]” 

Rikku giggled, still a bit teary “Ha- ha, Rin. [_Here, let me get that _].”

“[_No, no, please. Take your rest where you can _.]”

She nodded and swung herself out of the kitchen, right into Auron who was standing against the wall. 

She ‘oophed’ and he ‘hnd.’ She laughed nervously, taking a step back. She started, “Whatcha-” and he said “I was-” They stopped short and Auron finished, “I heard voices in the kitchen. I was ensuring that everything was secure.” 

“Do you think that we’re… not safe in the Travel Agency?” Rikku asked, feeling raw and silly.

Auron shrugged and moved back towards the hallway.

Rikku followed him, intending to go to her bed but Auron started up the stairs to the Calm Lands. 

“Wait-” she reached out, grabbing onto his back, just above his girdle. He turned, and she asked, worried, “Are you… gonna stay up and guard the Agency?” Auron nodded, and she bit her lip, “I’ll come with you.” Auron shook his head and she insisted, “No, even if I fall asleep, I can still run and get the others.” Auron stared at her and she affirmed, “You know I’m right.” 

He sighed, and she followed him up the stairs. The air had cooled considerably and the night stars felt less bright, and more like needle light than bright spots. 

Auron began to head towards the edge where she assumed he thought he could see farthest but she said, “That’s a great way for people to spot you, Big Red.”

“I am not waiting to be spotted.” Auron stopped though and turned.

She nearly smirked as she shrugged, “Jus’ sayin’ if he was planning on skipping the Agency you’d definitely give us away.” 

Auron stepped towards her and asked, “Where do you suggest that we keep watch, then?” 

“Well- he’s either going make the aeon destroy the door so it can get in, or he’ll come in himself while we sleep, so you just need to hide by these crates. Then you can stick him where it hurts.” She pointed and shoved a barrel to make a good nook. She shivered as the wind picked up. “Brr- also, it’ll be warmer.” She smiled bashfully, because it occurred to her that maybe they would be sitting very close. 

He muttered, “I suppose I cannot hunt him down without you arguing, coming with me, or running to alert the others?” 

Rikku crossed her arms and tilted her head, examining him, trying to see if the stolid man was being his sardonic self or if he was giving something away. She pointed at the seat, not caring, because that wouldn’t be something that a reasonable person would do and Auron she felt, was reasonable.

“I see.” He said, and took her suggested position as she watched him, suspicious that he may actually not be a very reasonable person.

She took her spot next to him and it was nicer between the walls and crates, but not very conducive to telling him the mess of awkward thoughts and feelings she had just allowed herself to feel with Rin’s support. She wasn’t even sure she _ had _anything to tell Auron. It seemed like such a thin and amorphous truth. She wasn’t sure she had the words but she knew she wanted to be close to him. 

She inched closer to the man by relaxing her body so that the space between them shrank naturally. 

He shifted away, purposefully.

She drew herself in. Well, she wanted to be close with him in more ways than one.

“Umm.” Rikku started. Auron did nothing to encourage her but she found the strength anyway, thinking it was too cold to be comfortable _ not _ cuddling in, maybe she could lead up to it. “Too bad Rin didn’t make any extra hot chocolate.” 

“Is that a regular occurance?” 

She was sure he was asking about Rin making the hot chocolate. “Rin used to make it for me more, back when he was around Home and I was a kid.” 

Auron said, “You … no longer?” 

Rikku said, “Kinda hard to meet up with people for a good cup of hot chocolate when you’re busy on a salvage boat, or running Spira’s most lucrative business.” 

“You have run into several people today you have known.” Auron looked down at her and she met his eye. His face was mostly blank, but she could see that he had an opinion, the fox.

She sucked in a smirk, “Yeah- it’s rare. The Farenheit’s got mostly refugees from Home. We’ve been having to move mercenaries around, and pick up some nomads, too.” 

“Hnn,” Aurons voice was deep, sounding as if he deserved and accepted that answer but wanted another. 

She had many questions she wanted to ask him. She wanted to ask about the village that the Karia woman said he had saved, how he knew it was an assassin, why he was twelve when he became a warrior monk, how he felt about their current victory and predicament. She wanted a silly story from him, but she also wanted to know what it felt like to be dead. She looked at his profile. Sensing she was watching him, he turned to look at her. 

She just stared back, for a brief second considering yelling her questions at him, but her eyes were tired from crying, and she was a little worn out from the sadness of today. Her lack-a-daisy won out over her sense of humor, “What’s your favorite flower?”

He said, “The Kinmokusei. They were orange blossoms that grew on my family's hill in autumn. They smelled like sweet fruit.” 

Whatever Rikku was expecting, it wasn’t that. She breathed in, “I- don’t think I know what it looks like.” 

Auron shrugged. “If we see some, I will show you. Though… the blooms have already passed.” He looked away. “I may not be able to show you.” 

Rikku closed her eyes tight and hugged her legs. She just wanted to know about flowers, but it felt like he was talking about something else.

“You’re cold, go inside.” He said, not unkindly.

She shook her head, and didn’t open her eyes, “Why don’t you just let me get warm with you?” 

She knew he wouldn’t answer, but she didn’t know if he would move, yet the waiting was killing her so she asked, bold and ready for this truth at least, “How does it feel to be dead?” 

She turned her head so she could face him, leaning her cheek on her knees, still huddled over herself. 

His glasses had slipped down his nose. She could see every line around his scar, see the ridge on his brow the unhappy line at his mouth. 

“In sun or ice, it doesn’t matter. Food, drink, mostly tasteless. Now, I am less dead than I was.” He said and his answer felt bitter to her. He sighed, “I feel- heavier after Zanarkand. It’s inexplicably awful but... colors are brighter. I remember more than what I am here for.” Auron would not look at her but instead ran his hand along his blade. “It’s dangerous to feel strongly. I feel angry, and anger…” his voice was strained, rough. “I am still not alive. It is still painful to remember and I am...very tired.”

She listened wide eyed and scared but she took these in stride and wanted to help so she reached out and slowly, very slowly, placed her arms around him in a hug. 

He stiffened, then, minutely he deflated and placed his hand on her back. 

They stayed like that for a while, and Rikku made herself more comfortable and settled in against him. She asked another question to distract him from what she had decided not to relinquish. “Will you tell me the story of how you saved Karia’s sister and that village? Or is that painful?” 

Auron asked, pointing out a flaw, “Am I to be able to reach my sword like this?”

She didn’t tense but she froze, embarrassed worried she had pushed him too far. She didn’t think he could see her face but she felt her flush. She didn’t want to move away because that would be like admitting that she had done something wrong, but she didn’t want to stay if he was uncomfortable.

Auron made a sound of disparaging, moving his arms and legs reluctantly and she excitedly melded closer to him.

“So?”

“Do I not get a turn to ask a question?” He dryly returned. 

She yawned, closing her eyes as she pressed her face into his red silk on his arm, “You had your chance. You ka-blewied it on being a sly fox, you fisher.” 

“Hn,” Auron sounded. “This is an unusual watch, where the guards talk to each other instead of listening to the surrounding environment.” 

Rikku pouted, “Make up your mind- you want to ask a question or not talk? ‘Cuz the Al Bhed have a guard song to keep them up, so I’m not used to bein’ all quiet and staying up at night.” She peeked one eye open and looked at him, smiling, “Unless you’d rather sing than talk?” 

“Al Bhed watches are usually from high up places, where the guards can see their quarry.” Auron said, and she knew then he was being difficult.

She pushed on his chest plate and looked up at his face, “Be honest, were you really going to go after the priest by yourself?” 

He didn’t answer. 

Rikku drew her eyebrows together, “Why’d you let me follow you out?” 

Auron rolled his neck and head and flicked his thumb over his finger for a second. He was uncomfortable and unwilling to say something.

Rikku bit her lip and sat back away, “Were you just waiting ‘til I fell asleep again or were you just going to leave?”

“You pointed out that I would be leaving the group defenseless, whether or not you meant to.” 

Rikku couldn’t help but feel surprised. Auron _ had _ been intending to leave for the priest, but- “[ _ Mad-crazy monk _!] You could have gotten killed- I mean-!”

“I do not like to think with an assassin at our backs.” 

“I was just pointing out like-” She replayed their interaction, seeing everything anew, and demanded, “What if he was waiting to get us all alone?” She remembered their handshake deal outside of the Macalanian forest, “You shook on not endangering the group! You’re part of the group!” Rikku grabbed her head. “I should have been able to scratch my nose!”

A burst of air exiting his nose, Auron said, amused, “The deal still stands.” 

“And people say I don’t think things through.” Rikku said resting her head back on his sleeve because she didn’t want to give up her hard won nearness. But the quiet staticy thrill of being this close to him brought up all the times that Gippal had said that she didn’t think things through, and the echoes of many others telling her that she was being reckless.

Maybe sometimes she had been, but that didn’t mean it didn’t work. She blinked and wondered how similar she and Auron were, with his crazy, reckless ideas, and whether she would ever know what he was thinking.

The silence stretched on. The door behind them opened, startling Rikku to sit up. Auron moved similarly. Lulu’s pale face was illuminated by the moonlight. 

There was a moment of tension that sang before Lulu broke it, with an explanation, “You never came to bed.” She crossed her arms. “I was worried and went to look for you. Rin was in the kitchen. He said he heard a door close, but the others didn’t know where you were either.” 

Auron got to his feet and Rikku stood up. 

Rin’s voice came from behind Lulu, “Ah- you have found them.” 

“We were keeping watch!” Rikku said, flustered. Lulu’s eye twinkled in that way that Rikku now knew meant that Lulu _ knew- _ like she had known at the dinner table the first time Rikku came back from her training with Auron.

Various voices from downstairs muttered, relief and surprise from Wakka and Tidus distinguishable.

Rikku put her hands up to her head, “Wh-what?” She went inside and Rin was standing at the bottom of the steps. Tidus and Wakka, already were heading back to their room. Yuna stood in the hall, blinking sleepily.

Rin shrugged at Rikku as Lulu came back down the stairs. 

Auron stood in the doorway, “Get some rest.”

Rikku waved her arm, upset. “You need rest too! Besides, the assassin really isn’t going to come in while we sleep.” She turned to Rin, “Right Rin? He can’t use his aeon-” she looked to Lulu “Not the poison type of assassin.” She pulled her arms into pleading fists and said to Auron, “Just send a transmission to the ship so it comes first thing!” 

Lulu put a finger to her chin, and Rin nodded in agreement with her assessment. 

Lulu said, smiling as she walked past Rikku, “Of course, if you wanted to join Auron’s watch, I don’t see any harm. You can never be too careful.” Lulu guided Yuna back to their room. 

“I apologise,” Auron said, “If I caused you concern.” 

Rin bowed, “Not at all. I can only be comforted thinking that Rikku is in the company of such an esteemed and legendary guardian. I can think of no safer place.”

Auron to Rikku, said, “I will send the transmission to the airship and will retire to the room after.” and shut the door.

Rin raised his eyebrow. 

Rikku put a finger to her cheek and twisted her legs, “Ummm- I’ll go to bed, too?” 

Rin crossed his arms, “[_ No news then _?]” 

Rikku slouched, swinging her arms, “[_ You know _?]” 

Rin laughed, “[_ Of course I know. But Rikku, wait to tell him when you’re off the _ airship. _ Now, off to bed with you. It’s late.] _” 

Rikku staggered to bed, crushed that she was so easy to read, but the small nugget of golden happiness she kept with her all the way to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ T H E E N D~  
(For this particular story)
> 
> AN:  
If things aren’t clear about how I am trying to challenge the establishment and turn what we perceive and interpret as hierarchy on it's head: I do not condone inappropriate "relationships" that are lopsided in power- I do not promote or condone "relationships" that are non-consensual as in: one person is unable to give full consent, barred as they are from understanding of consequence or from complete freedom (emotional, financial, physical, sexual in no particular order). I do not, however, see an issue with two consenting adults participating in a healthy relationship with one another. 
> 
> In our real world(!) we rarely- if EVER, in any real ethical circumstance- see this! However, I (as a functioning member of a society) must constantly challenge what it is to be an adult, what it means to have power and what it means to love and live. This story was my challenge, my conversation opener.
> 
> Glossary 
> 
> 17: Joy of living [zuo uv mejehk]: Exultation of spirit.
> 
> 18: Common: Spirans don’t speak ‘English’ they speak a Spiran language. Al Bhed is a codification of what ever language Spiran people speak. Ronso and Guado have their own language but every one seems to speak the hegemonic church people language- therefore, it’s common.
> 
> 19: Little Light [Meddma Mekrd] Pet name for Rikku.
> 
> 20: Pipe thoughts lead to Pipe Dreams [Beba druikrdc mayt du Beba Tnaysc]: A pipe dream innuendo, not necessarily a bad thing to the Al Bhed but it’s a phrase that’s often reversed much to the amusement of fuck boy’s like Gippal.
> 
> 21: Polished Sand [Bumecrat Cyht] Sand is polished only when lighting hits it, and then it’s nature is changed but it’s shape is secret under the ground and a shape that the sand polisher makes. It’s like, “that’s a rough estimate of the truth you got there, but that’s a different thing than what’m talkin’ bout so it’s pretty shit, but it’s not the sand I’m tryna get out of my skin.”
> 
> 22: Re-Circuit [na-Lenlied]: Phrase that basically epitomises the rationale of how the Al Bhed conceptualise hierarchy. There may be one way that is easiest, or controlled by a particular center point but there’s always around it if you think it’s important. It also is important to know that this implies that it’s not going to mess up the purpose of the current.
> 
> 23: Void-given truth [juet kejah dnidr]: People may have a brush with death or place themselves into a situation that makes them realise they’ve been holding back. It’s often a feeling that is more than real- something that they know that transforms them to the bones. It’s certain, facing a crushing expanse of nothing or everything. I think that sometimes in the States they call it a ‘coming to Jesus moment’- except, the Al Bhed know that there are gods, and they don’t think very highly of them.
> 
> 24: Endure [Ahtina]: Lord of the Ring’s style cultural moment- for more see Children of Metal.
> 
> 25: Carrier of Change: [Lynnean uv Lryhka] A venerated position in the Al Bhed. Change is good, change is life, development. To change destiny, one is a god. ( Just a lil’ foreshadowing and reference to where Rikku tells Tidus she wants like babies and marriage really young because they’re gunna die)

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Glossary  
1: Twist Voucher [ Dfecd Juilran ]: I think that this one is explained relatively well in the paragraph, but I sort of wanted to touch on the fact that the Al Bhed have a shadow culture that separates them from the rest of Spirans early on. Sort of a one time thing that was given to you to change your fate. (Like the literary term plot voucher, which is an item given to a character for the express purpose of overcoming an obstacle.)  
2: Body Talk [Puto Dymg]: It is written in canon that the Al Bhed are more 'childlike' than the rest of Yevon and this actually is observable to mean 'more comfortable displaying intense emotion and disregard for social norms.' We know they don't give a shit about rules and fight for personal independence and freedom to the extent that an entire civilisation agreed to put their lives at risk by capturing Summoners and taking them to their secret Home. Feelings are not to be hidden because they're in a constant state of ‘fuck it we will die tomorrow'. Further emphasizing this point= their leader is quite emotional and makes rash decisions, yet he is the one in charge of the missiles. Body talk means they listen and speak with their whole body, and consider these reactions and feelings valid. Also, because the Al Bhed are more of a doctrine free people, they have never equated personal ‘hormonal’ emotions into what we consider as ‘sexual’ feelings. Sexual feelings are however filed under body talk, and are not 'sexual' until actually performing the act with someone.  
3: Dilatant Feels [temydyhd vaamc] Basically urges. Dilatant is a mathmatical term for expansive. The connotation is that it is both encompassing and a little beyond one’s ability to process in rational thought.This is essentially what they consider as sexual feelings but their definition of sexual as mentioned above is slightly connotatively different.


End file.
